Seen a dubious message..

[ughwhattodo]

Well there I am enjoying my breakfast with DH and he gets up to go finish getting ready for work.
The next minute his phone dings and automatically my eye is drawn to it (reflex thing, honestly I wasn't snooping it was right next to me)
And there's a message showing on the screen from 'Z' saying
"Are you really happy with your life the way it is...?"

He's gone to work now and I can't stop thinking about it. No, I didn't say anything to him as I was a bit shocked/confused.
The fact he has someone's number saved as just 'Z' is a bit strange to start with and then asking such a personal question....

To be honest it's felt a bit different recently but I'm not sure if now I'm overthinking things. We are newlyish married (nearly a year)

Any advice?? It's weird isn't it

I wouldn't believe him that it was just texting, especially with his ex. There's a whole history there, they've presumably being intimate before, why would they just text now? And why would texts lead a woman to question if he is happy with his life? He'll try to tell you she's a bunny boiler but it seems he's been hinting to her that he's unhappy in his marriage, which is what married men say to get other women into bed. So sorry. I was hoping it was nothing but at least now you know what he is really like.

As for moving, I would wait to hear if you get the dream job before making your decision. If you don't get the job then moving back to your support system makes sense but if you do get the job it could be a new start.

Thanks everyone for all your messages of support. Typically I feel embarrassed about what's happened and don't feel ready to confide in my friends/family about it just yet. So having you guys here giving me words of wisdom has been great

I think I'm going to give it my best shot at the dream job interview.. I applied for something similar in my last town but they said I didn't have enough experience and I had been out of work too long. So the fact I've got through to written assessment here is amazing. It's time for me to concentrate on becoming 'me' again. Being so dependent on someone was never in my nature and it's made me into someone I never thought I would be. Even the fact that I'm in two minds about leaving him (because I have no job/money of my own and a son to support) this is not the person I used to be or want to be. Before I would have told him to fuck off straight away and I want to get back to that person IYSWIM. So I'm focusing on me, he's sleeping in the spare room now and i will be in a better position after my interview next Wednesday to know whether I'm going to stay here and work on my independence and get-out plan or if I'm going to return to my last city where I have some great friends.

He's still out which is good because I'm finding it hard to be civil in front of the kids.

Also, why oh why did my son come home today with a picture of a love heart and inside he had written the message
"Dear mum, AH, DSC's names,
Thank you for being the best family in the world" why?!?! (apparently it was Show The Love day today or something ?!)
It took all my strength to hold it together on the way home!!

You are not alone. There are many, many trailing spouses in a similar boat who look at everyone in their inner circle and compromise ( jobs etc) to keep a family together.

He may well get a shock and decide it is you and your family he genuinely wants but you get to decide.

Good luck in your interview, i hope you start to feel like you again.

OP well done for getting through what sounds like 24 hours from hell and keeping it together.
Best of luck with the interview, I really hope you get it and can move on swiftly, he has clearly overlooked your capabilities, use MN for support as much as you need to...

It doesn't have to be a deal breaker, but it can be a wake up call. If he is sorry enough, maybe you can leave it as part of your history and move on together. If he isn't he'll do it again and you'll need to leave at some point.

Hopefully he'll realise he's been a massive twat and not do it ever again. And it might give you a nudge to look at your own needs and put them first.

Good luck however it pans out.

OFFS Have you actually read the full thread? Wake up call? What the fuck do you mean about him realising he's been a massive twat and not doing it ever again. The OP has said he already has form for this BEFORE they got married. So, these two women are already him doing it again!

Keep your wig on Shatner.

It's all very well piling in and yelling 'leave the bastard' but it's just not that easy.

Wake up call - indeed. For the OP to realise she isn't the facilitator for everyone else's lives and to start thinking about herself, and her needs.

I'm not quite sure why you're so worked up about my post.