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Original poster

Seen a dubious message..

132 replies

ughwhattodo · 07/02/2017 10:14

Well there I am enjoying my breakfast with DH and he gets up to go finish getting ready for work.
The next minute his phone dings and automatically my eye is drawn to it (reflex thing, honestly I wasn't snooping it was right next to me)
And there's a message showing on the screen from 'Z' saying
"Are you really happy with your life the way it is...?"

He's gone to work now and I can't stop thinking about it. No, I didn't say anything to him as I was a bit shocked/confused.
The fact he has someone's number saved as just 'Z' is a bit strange to start with and then asking such a personal question....

To be honest it's felt a bit different recently but I'm not sure if now I'm overthinking things. We are newlyish married (nearly a year)

Any advice?? It's weird isn't it Confused

OP posts:
GafferTapeNeeded · 07/02/2017 13:45

I'd snoop - you'll never rest otherwise. Unless you think your DH has nothing to hide and would happily hand you his phone to prove it.

Good luck

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 07/02/2017 13:45

I don't know about spam on whatsapp to be honest but I find it a little unlikely, should he have anything to hide, he would just leave his phone right next to you while in the middle of a conversation with another person.. Seems odd.

titihood · 07/02/2017 13:46

I also have had spam WhatsApp messages before, sometimes just numbers, sometimes random names.

Fully understand feeling horrible about it, but I would talk to your DH when he gets home. Whether you just say what you saw, or ask "who is Z?", and have a conversation about it. If it IS another person, then hopefully he will be grown up enough to talk about it (although that is not what anyone wants to hear). Chances are, it is nothing.

Similar thing happened with my DH recently, where he got an email notification from someone with loads of kisses at the end. I freaked out and felt sick all day and unsure how to bring it up, and worried he might lie if I did (past history with another P in my case). In the end it was some random person who keeps sending him emails meant for their Dad! He showed me them (dated back a month or two) and he had replied to all of them saying "I think you have the wrong email address" but they kept sending him stuff.

I hope it is nothing to be worried about and tomorrow morning you will be laughing about it.

Damselindestress · 07/02/2017 13:48

I'd have to ask him. Don't accuse him of anything, just explain the situation, you weren't snooping, you just happened to glance at his phone and see the notification of this message asking if he's happy with his life and you were wondering if he is having any issues he wants to discuss as you're worried about him. Then look for suspicious signs such as evasive body language. By having an open discussion rather than accusing or jumping to conclusions, you won't put the relationship under strain if there turns out to be a reasonable explanation.

Kmxxx14 · 07/02/2017 13:50

Sounds suspicious to me.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 07/02/2017 14:02

My only experience of WhatsApp is H using it to message his OW. So I suppose that does kind of cloud my opinion somewhat!

When I thought you were talking about a text, I was going to say that the key for me would be whether the "Z" was a saved contact or not. e.g. I have just had a text from Littlewoods. It comes up as "Littlewoods" - but I certainly don't have Littlewoods as a saved contact. Companies do send marketing texts/messages don't they? They often start with an attention grabbing phrase - such as "are you happy with your life the way it is?" - in order to - well - grab your attention and get you to read the rest of the message. It could be as innocent as that.

However, you have a feeling that something is not quite right, quite aside from this message. That is the key really. With H I had the exact same feeling - I couldn't say specifically what, but something was different. Then I found the WhatsApp messages.

You either need to get the phone & look for yourself, or ask DH. Will you know by his reaction whether he's telling you the truth? If not, I'd probably need to check the phone (without him knowing so that he can't delete "Z" if they are a saved contact).

A saved contact asking questions like that would be much more suspicious.

GentleOnMyMind · 07/02/2017 14:07

I know the advice on threads like this is just ask him but in reality what happens? Very few men will just roll over and say yeah you got me, I'm cheating, have been for months. No. Usually they deny, feign indignation, convince their partners they're going mad, whilst ceasing the opportunity to destroy any evidence.

I don't know if your h has cheated op, I really hope not, but if it was me I'd look a little deeper first. Good luck Flowers

Miserylovescompany2 · 07/02/2017 14:10

Simply ask the same question yourself...

GentleOnMyMind · 07/02/2017 14:10

*seizing not ceasing ^

Waltermittythesequel · 07/02/2017 14:13

I get spam on what's app and viber.

Obviously, if there's form then you're bound to be more suspicious but my immediate thought was and would be spam.

FireInTheHead · 07/02/2017 14:19

It's a phishing scam. I've had one worded almost exactly the same. I agree on first sight on your alert screen it looks very dodgy and had I seen it flash up on dh's phone I'd be asking some pointed questions too! Scammers send them as if it's someone you/they know. It's calculated to make you respond (paying premium text rates) querying who it is or wrong number thus confirming a live number then they follow up with another containing a link. Sometimes the link is buried in the first message. Block and delete.

Wondermoomin · 07/02/2017 14:26

I wouldn't snoop, I would say I had caught sight of a message from someone called Z and I'm worried about it, would he please show it to me?

If he has nothing to hide he would agree to this.

If he won't agree to it, he has something to hide.

He would have to respect the fact I didn't snoop and return the respect by agreeing to my request.

That's how it would work with my husband - and in fact did work in the past about something else that was bothering me, not related to infidelity but different low level (i.e. Non-serious) dishonesty - I can't speak for others.

OFFFS · 07/02/2017 14:26

Don't ask him outright. Sit on it and watch for a while.

Look, if you ask him about it chances are he'll get defensive and make you the bad guy for looking at his phone. That'll be the argument, you'll apologise, he'll change his pass code or become more sneaky.

Now your spidey-senses are tingling just sit tight. Time will sort it out, either put your mind at rest as harmless spam, or you'll unearth more to it.

But don't rush in. It won't do any good.

Goldenhandshake · 07/02/2017 14:45

I have had spam whatsapp, but it pops up as a number, if you haven't saved the number, that's what happens, its looking likely he has saved someone as Z.

Are there any recent changes to his behaviour or routine that are ringing any alarm bells OP?

WannaBe · 07/02/2017 14:58

It's spam. Also, if he's e.g. Been added to a group on whatsapp (I have in the past) then group members could be messaging a whole group and their name would appear.

Plus "are you really happy with your life the way it is?" Doesn't exactly imply deep and meaningful conversation from him about how not happy he is does it? It implies the opposite in fact.

But it's spam. And I don't believe in the whole trust your gut advice, if you don't trust him you already didn't trust him before this, but a text marked z isn't suddenly going to re-activate that distrust.

Also, if he's happy for his messages to appear on his locked screen for all to see he's not going to go to the trouble of saving a contact name purely as Z so it can't be found is he?

Daisiesandgerberas · 07/02/2017 19:54

FireInTheHead I've had exactly the same with Whatsapp too.

A few times.

Fig678 · 07/02/2017 19:55

Don't say anything until you've had another look. Sorry you're having to deal with this. I hope it's innocent.

GlitteryFluff · 07/02/2017 19:57

Agree with those who have said don't say anything til you've had a proper look otherwise it'll give him time to delete stuff if he's up to no good.

Stormwhale · 07/02/2017 20:00

I would follow wondermoomin's very good advice.

NavyandWhite · 07/02/2017 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuperFlyHigh · 07/02/2017 21:06

Just wanted to say I'm not sure either way but have had emails etc start exactly same start as this message so not beyond realms of possibility this isn't that...

Also if an affair/OW surely he'd hide the phone more??

Notsleepingeveragain · 07/02/2017 21:10

I find it hard to believe that saving a name as a letter is an intelligent way of hiding any potential wrongdoing.

NavyandWhite · 07/02/2017 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ughwhattodo · 08/02/2017 00:56

Well ladies (and any gents watching) I took his phone and went through it and surprise surprise it was a whole shit storm.
He's clearly a cheating bastard.
It wasn't even the one woman... 2.
I text one of them to ask 'woman to woman' what had been going on and she covered his back completely... saying she hasn't even text him - she clearly thought he had cleared his message history but nope.

He's sat there doing the obvious trying to switch it round to my fault for not trusting him and going through his phone. Also saying he just was speaking to them and never met up with any. Complete bullshit.

I know I have to leave him but now I'm feeling so weak... don't know what to do next

OP posts:
Mynestisfullofempty · 08/02/2017 01:01

How does he say he knows them then? Why are they among his contacts?

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