My daughter has not invited me to her wedding

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My daughter has remained silent towards me for the past 6 years. I have tried so many times to try and find a solution, she refuses to talk. I have respected her wishes and now learn she is getting married in 6 weeks time. I am not invited. I am devastated and simply cannot understand what is at the bottom of all this. I believe my mother had something to do with this state of affairs, she wrote me a ghastly letter about all my faults, and it went on for pages. She showed this letter to my daughter. I think my daughter was the daughter she wanted. I never felt love from her, and she was jealous of the loving relationship I had with my father (now dead) I do my best to help my old mother and she realises I can be useful, but the damage has been done between my daughter and myself. I was thinking I could slip into the back of the church and slip out again, just to see my only daughter getting married. I would love to see her, but would not want her to see me if this would upset her in any way. Should I just realise I have no daughter anymore? I was a single parent and gave up so much for her while she was growing up, making sure I was available and only taking work where I could take her until she was 5. My parents babysat her. My daughter has a terrible temper, and I have lived through her anorexia when she was 14, which was terrifying.Sorry this is garbled, I am in despair. I have a son 7 years younger than his half sister and we have a loving relationship. Everyone else in my family has been invited, except me.

Zombie thread

Op, you have much support on this thread as well as criticism. The latter is unfair. You've done your best and you're not asking for a pat on the back, just sharing with us.

I feel so sorry for the hurt you are experiencing. Don't go to the wedding but leave the door open. Concentrate on building yourself up.

ZOMBIE THREAD

Seems to be a lot of them recently

Well - I didn't invite my mum to my wedding.

She makes me feel anxious for so very many reasons, and I can't bear having her around. We are very low contact and that is my choice.

She knows why, but won't admit it and presents herself as an angel. She isn't, though. Me & siblings know the truth of it.

So in your case it's hard to know what to advise really, without hearing your daughter's side as to why she's gone no contact. I don't imagine that she did that for no reason at all.

I think I came across a little bluntly on my message. I meant it in support of the mother. I'm actually on here because my own daughter didn't announce her engagement to me before she posted it on Facebook. I wouldn't have taken such great offense if there hadn't already been a history of disrespect and criticism from here. It was just one more slap in the face.
I've debated a lot and done research on how to handle this and my main take away is that since she has displayed this pattern for a very long time with my having addressed it before, I'm choosing to stand up for myself by not having anything to do with her. I feel she is borderline abusive in her manner and I have no control over that so want to protect myself from any further.
That's why I have the attitude I do about this daughter. The mother (sorry I don't know your name) has repeatedly and kindly tried to approach the daughter with no response. If Mom (I"ll call you that) did something so bad, at what point does the other person continue to hold it against them? If apologies are given and ignored, maybe the daughter isn't worth any more of your efforts and your time would be better spent in forming relationships with people who actually respect and value you. This daughter is causing nothing but pain by her complete refusal to respect or acknowledge her.
I felt very angry about the posts that claimed Mom was being selfish. Not so. It's the other way around. Mom (I'm american), I know how you feel and wish you the best outcome for your situation.

Ooops. In my post above I meant criticism from my daughter not from here. Typo.

OP I feel for you but please don't turn up at the church. It's your daughter's day and you going there will be to meet the need in you and not in her. If you daughter does have a diagnosis of BPD or NPD ( though I'd imagine a psychiatrist would be able to distinguish between the two) you will know from your reading up that you are painted black. It's very unlikely to ever change again unless you suddenly become useful to her in some way. I'd advise looking at the sites of BPD family forum and Out of the Fog. They have great support for families of a person with a personality disorder and will actually understand what it's like to live with one. Many people reading your first post will be suspicious that you are the problem. That's not necessary so but many people reading MN will not actually have any experience of being closely related to someone with a diagnosed personality disorder, it can be bloody soul destroying.
As for the wedding, no doubt your daughter will put photos on some sort of social media. I know it's not the same as being there but you'll get to see your child getting married without causing her any further pain

As the OP's DD got married almost two years ago, I think turning up at the church is a mute point.

ZOMBIE THREAD *

I feel your pain for my daughter disowned me and getting married but I’m not invited
I moved out of state to put distance between us her crowns towards me where to painful to endure
My you find peace within

Hello,
My name is Christa and my daughter gets married in March. I am not invited. I am devistated. Just wonder how I will get through that day. I cannot stop dreaming about it. My heart feels broken to be honest. I do not know the reason but have given her lots of opportunities to talk to me. Even said about a holiday the two of us to be together. We always laugh when we get together. I recently told her that her Dad cheated on me for two years and that is why we split up. I assumed that she may be blaming me for the break up as I left the family home. He would not leave.

Christa

You'd should start a new thread rather than piggy backing onto a really really old one. People will see the original date and won't reply as its a zombie.