Hello. I will try and keep this brief. In short I have a beautiful 8 month old DD and a DP. She was conceived at home using AI with a gay friend who lives in Italy. We drew up an agreement together before she was born saying we had no joint custody and I had sole responsibility but he was entitled to visit every couple of months. fast forward to her (difficult C section) birth and his first visit when I was in hospital. His mother was on the speaker phone telling me what I should or shouldn't do! Thankfully the morphine muffled her but the alarm bells were ringing. He stayed a week and I let him visit every day and he'd FaceTime his family without asking me. I had told him I didn't want them at the birth and he didn't bring them. But they came a few weeks later and the mother was in uber Italian mother in law mode. Coral gifts from her friends, the works. I politely endured her, her daughter, his charmless niece and his boyfriend (whom the mother wouldn't let hold my DD because it was charmless niece's turn!). He's been with his BF for 9 years..... it seems they are using my DD to heterosexualise her father. And I feel they are guilt tripping him and he's doing this out of guilt or perhaps to appease them in some way.
He's been visiting more than every couple of months and keeps doing the FaceTime thing.
He then wanted to come again with his family at Christmas and I said no.
Now I've buckled and he's coming with his mother (not his BF) next weekend. Guilt trips are contagious.
So I need advice. Am I being unreasonable or am I being over accommodating? What would you do if you'd unwittingly inherited an Italian mother in law?
Am having huge anxiety over all of this and feel like it was my own stupid fault for lacking foresight.