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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Brave Babes - reconvene here!!!

999 replies

dementedma · 31/01/2017 21:12

Hi all
We seem to have finished the last thread but no-one has done a new one. Don't get lost! Gather here until we can sort it out.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
17
Margie32 · 02/03/2017 20:44

With you Flora. Thursdays are my biggest problem day. Am on the wine and on the slippery slope to a drunken weekend. Shit.

Margie32 · 02/03/2017 20:50

Mouse, seeing as you asked. I live in Spanish Spain with DH who is the most consistent moderate drinker I've ever met. He is the advert for a Mediterranean lifestyle. I have 2 DSs who are my whole life even though I am definitely not the world's best mother. I have a very stressful, responsible job which I have a very love/hate relationship with. My DM died young, around the same time as yours, and the grief has carved a hole in me that can never be filled. My drinking was under control at one point but it's getting worse and worse and when I really go for it, it leads to blackouts, horror and regret.

dementedma · 02/03/2017 20:56

Having wine here tonight too but under control and ok

OP posts:
PureConcentratedEvil · 02/03/2017 21:07

Margie Flowers Brew

theansweris42 · 02/03/2017 21:41

Ah margie that's hard x

theansweris42 · 02/03/2017 21:44

I'm still a bit numb following being binned....

Have had 2 bottles lager. Want more but will resist - mainly because of the the fall out in the morning.

Hope all are okay.

Shout to dubh hope all well.

madein1995 · 02/03/2017 22:54

Thank you everyone Smile it went quite well (I hope), I didn’t say loads in some questions but really went into detail with others so fingers crossed eh Grin Also have growing pains which is rather annoying because I am 22 (so surely past it) and don’t grow any taller regardless Smile
Flora well done for doing 3 days AF, that’s a brilliant achievement. Hope you are feeling ok and being kind to yourself. As I always say to myself, ‘things can always get worse’ (not being maudlin) which means that although I’ve drank a vat of vodka or half a chocolate cheesecake, if I carried on I’d be making things worse. Basically, my long winded way of saying to draw a line under it and please don’t let it sabotage your good work so far Smile
Lux great you’ve been able to moderate!
Margie is there any way you can stop drinking now? Remember all the good work you’ve done and that tonight is just a slip – it doesn’t have to dictate the rest of the week. Please be kind to yourself Flowers
Theanswer hope you’re ok Flowers

ThoroughlyModernFlora · 03/03/2017 09:00

margie I hope you're OK. Would you like to be AF tonight with me? We can flip Friday the bird.

42 you have iron will. Respect.

lux you as well! I totally get the pride at drinking normally. It feels good to know you can look after yourself.

made well done on the interview, and thank you for your kind words. You are right about looking at the positives. I stopped at 2/3 bottle, didn't pour myself another, didn't move on to spirits (both things the WW was encouraging). I had a big glass of water and went to bed on time.

Five years ago, abstaining for three days of the week was my goal. Now it's my starting point. That perspective helps me not get too down on myself when I have a bad drinking night.

That may be part of the problem with Thursdays. My 'OK to drink' days used to be Thurs-Sun (though in fact, I often drank all the time and Thurs-Sun were just the days I felt less guilty about it). Thursday's got a residual 'start of the weekend' feel. Also I was so bloody tired yesterday, and the playdate was predictably hectic. I thought I'd conquered the cravings after a good rest at lunchtime, but then my dad rang wanting to arrange a visit and it just . . . tipped me that little bit over the edge.

I can deal with my dad (unlike my mum) but he is very difficult to talk to. He's the incarnation of 'alcohol fosters inertia'. His house (the house I grew up in) is squalid, he has almost no friends, his health is poor but he refuses to address it, he does very little all round apart from work. He's lonely, because he keeps everyone at arm's length by being superior and criticising everything, which makes him difficult to like. He's racist and misogynist.
He's always wanting to come and see us, which I understand, but when he's here he's equally as grumpy and superior as at home. He just doesn't seem to enjoy himself. And I feel this constant need from him, this loneliness and resentment, like there's something I should be doing for him but I'm not, and it drives me potty. Plus he insists on coming for at least two days because of the distance he has to travel, and for us that's two days that are killed stone dead. I don't have the heart to cut it down to any less than that because I know he's lonely and he's coming a long way, but I dread the visits.

So. Me drinking last night was not my dad's fault, but I know what the factors were. Not binge drinking when my dad is here is also going to be a huge challenge. 1. he'll binge drink, and 2. my frustration and boredom levels will be through the roof. I managed not to drink at all last time he visited, but it took superhuman levels of effort and on Day 2 I actually had to go up to my room for an hour and have a frustration cry.

This post is getting way too long so I'll go now. Good luck all AF babes, and everyone who's planning to moderate tonight!

Margie32 · 03/03/2017 10:37

Flora - I'm with you. Let's definitely flip Friday the bird! Really sorry to hear about your issues with your Dad, that sounds so hard. Thanks for your support Made, Pure and 42, I did leave some wine in the bottle and went to bed at 11pm but even so, I can feel it today - crap sleep, sore head.

I drank probably 2/3 of a bottle but it was enough to get me to a place where I had a blazing row with DH. I am staying at a hotel tonight - got work early tomorrow morning so it kind of makes sense, but if I am really honest it is to not be in the house with DH, I really need some space and time to think right now. Don't really know if I want to be married anymore.

ThoroughlyModernFlora · 03/03/2017 10:44

Let's do it, Margie. What's your plan?

Thank you for your sympathy. Your situation sounds pretty tough too Flowers I hope the hotel stay helps give you some mental space.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 03/03/2017 10:44

Hi all. Is it OK if I could join you? Really don't want to be doing this shit any more and exhausted with lies/cover ups. I DON'T WANT TO DRINK! And at the same time, I do. I was sober for four years, how do I get back to that?

LuxuryWoman2017 · 03/03/2017 10:53

Good morning everybody,
really sorry just to fly in but still have guests, so happy that they don't really drink, just one or two here and there.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess May we call you Jess? Yes of course, yu are most welcome to join us, I am just flying by but look forward to speaking to you soon.

Happy Friday all, sorry to read of struggles and tough times, I am rooting for you all and will catch up soon.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 03/03/2017 10:59

I sometimes feel that alcohol enables me to express myself better. Does anyone else feel that way? I'm horrified at how well I can convince people as I'm '"coping'. I know it sounds selfish but I just want someone close to me to say "It's OK, I'll take the pressure off for a little while". No one will! God, I'm a whinging bugger this morning!

LuxuryWoman2017 · 03/03/2017 11:14

Whinge away Jess, it helps to write down your feelings, it really does. being here and posting has helped me see things much more clearly.

Flora Ma Small Dubh 'Pickles* 42 Guggs joey jo sweet made mouse and everyone else, I am reading and will be back properly soon.
I need a little treat today, what to have? New book? New nail colour?

I think it is elf's last day today, hope she is well, very interested t see how she got on.

LuxuryWoman2017 · 03/03/2017 11:15

Sorry, I seem to have a sticky keyboard and buggered up that post. Missed out Flowerey and Dave .

theansweris42 · 03/03/2017 11:32

It will be Elfs last day. The transition back home might be tricky....
Lux I am saying new book for the luxury today.
Mine is simply remembering to do hand cream regularly on my poor dry claws Smile

UnwiseOldElf · 03/03/2017 12:49

HELLO!!!!

I actually got out a day or two ago but didn't feel up to posting. Not in a bad way, just in an "the outside world is very fast and bright" way Grin.

It's all good. I have much to share... but need to draw breath. It's so sweet of you all to be thinking of me. I really appreciate it. It's been a weird couple of weeks, but good. And I'm 14 days sober.

UnwiseOldElf · 03/03/2017 12:52

Actually FIFTEEN! Shock Obvs lost the ability to count Wink.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 03/03/2017 13:08

De-lurking for Lent!

I lurk and read the Brave Babes threads as I am very mindful/wary about alcohol (alcoholism in the family) and I drink too much.

But I am SO much better than I was when I first started reading these threads about 4/5 years ago ... so there is hope! I still fantasise about giving up for good one of these days, wondering what it would be like.

Meanwhile, I'm not drinking for Lent except for next Tuesday when I have a once every 5 years visit from a friend who lives on the other side of the world to look forward to.

Good luck to all babes not drinking tonight (Fridays can be tricky!!) and for those that do, remember you honestly can stop after a few. It's difficult but not impossible Flowers.

carteblah · 03/03/2017 14:40

Today is day nine. I'm feeling better, and I've been eating more healthily and drinking astronomical amounts of tea. Dropped a pound! I have been so, so unproductive though. I'm putting off things that need to be done because while I can focus on not doing things (drinking alcohol, eating crap) it seems to shut off my ability to get anything done. Or maybe I'm just being lazy. I just feel really lost and like I'm waiting for something, but I just don't know what. Bah, I've always been a champion procrastinator, I've dawdled my life away Sad Maybe it's because I rely on these things for short-term comfort and distraction and now that I'm currently not leaning on them I can clearly see how I keep delaying doing things. How do I get myself moving?

LuxuryWoman2017 · 03/03/2017 16:32

elf great to see you back, look forward to catching up when you are ready.

Waves to Bibbity and Carte, well done on the fantastic efforts.

madein1995 · 03/03/2017 17:27

Hello jess and welcome. Whinge as much as you want to Smile in fact this thread has really helped me just by being the one place I can be honest about my worries and stresses, it’s really refreshing not having to put on a brave front
Hiya Elf wow 15 days AF, well done! Flowers Star
Carte well done Smile
I bought two new books today Shock out of my last month’s wages – SS-GB and Apple Tree Yard. I’m going to finish the TV programmes before reading the books though. Did anyone watch Prime Suspect 1973 last night? I quite enjoyed it, but they’ve missed things out that were in the book, Kath Morgan isn’t at all like I imagined her in the book and the Sgt is lots nicer than he was in the book! Still good though Smile
Volunteered at the refuge today. Was really good and had emotional catch up with one lady, great to catch up and see that she was doing ok. It’s international women’s day next week and we’re having an event with the radio and paper coming down Shock and I’m going to be in charge of putting fake tattoos on children. I’ve spent the day drinking tea and chatting, and the afternoon putting fliers all over the bus home (and told off some primary school age boys for scrumbling them up Blush – no parents in sight to upset though) and am now home watching NCIS.

dementedma · 03/03/2017 18:25

welcome jess and welcome back elf
I'm having a pity party. So sick of dh and his lack of effort round the house and with everything. He has had all week to post my passport application as it needs to go recorded delivery and the PO is shut by the time I get home. he has been home all week. Still not posted. Came home again to bins not emptied, recycling not done, washing not done...he's a fucking lazy bastard.
hasn't asked how my day was, how my fucking week was. Dreading a weekend stuck in with him. We have nothing to say to each other and only the kids in common. I want a better life.
Trying hard to focus on positives - I had a nice walk around the loch, saw swans and a heron and a little robin. Bought some Daffodils in Aldi for 89p to cheer me up. Hasnt worked!

OP posts:
PureConcentratedEvil · 03/03/2017 20:10

Hello JingleJess

I cannot believe I am only 3 days in to an AF lent. Tonght is tougher than the last two but I won't drink. I know I will feel the benefit, especially in the morning and once I've decided to abstain it's a bit easier iyswim.
So AF Friday for me too. Made a little more difficult by a kitchen full of wine bottles courtesy of DH, and he is having wine now. Poo.
But it's ok.

Brew demented

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 03/03/2017 20:17

Well I've fucked it tonight and have already hit the vodka but I really want to do tomorrow sober. I'll read through the thread properly tomorrow - I'm very me, me, me at the moment. Have seen this thread so many times and always avoided it because it's all a bit close to home. Time to get honest. Thank you for being so welcoming!

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