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Relationships

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Original poster

My partners DS staying at weekends

141 replies

user1484997816 · 21/01/2017 11:35

I'm 21 my partner is 27 been together 4 years.. We have a 2 year old DD together and he has an 8 year old DS from a previous relationship.

His DS stays with us Friday 5pm till Sunday 8pm every weekend. I have a great relationship with his DS and don't mind these weekends at all. However, my partner has a new job and requires him to work Saturdays and Sundays. This has been going on for 2 months and my weekends now consist of staying in the house taking care of our DD and his DS. (He has to use the car for work so I don't get to really go anywhere with the kids either).

I literally feel like I have no life right now. Through the week I take care of my DD, work part time and go to university aswell as keep on top of all house chores. Then by weekend all I have to look forward to is having another responsibility to take care of. No fun plans or anything like that. My partners ex who is the mum to his DS keeps commenting that we don't take him on enough fun trips out at the weekend. I feel bad about this of course but in my current situation it's difficult to just get up and go somewhere fun.

I had a chat with my DP recently about it and said is there any chance you could speak to work or look for a different job because your DS isn't spending much time with you. He went mad at me then saying I'm not supportive and I must have a problem with his DS which made me laugh because me and his DS get on well and everyone comments on this.

My partner doesn't seem to appreciate that I am cooking all of his sons meals, washing his clothes, keeping him entertained all weekend, chatting with him, helping him with his homework, tidying up after him etc all whilst taking care of our DD too. DP does non of these responsibilities and I feel like it is all down to me. For example this weekend his mum has requested DS must get his hair cut before we return him on Sunday. But partner can't because he is working so it is up to me to venture out in the cold with my DD and his DS and walk quite a journey to get it done..

Maybe I sound like an awful cow by even writing this and should just get on with it. But it's just I feel miserable about my weekends now. They are so lonely. I don't get to do anything remotely exciting anymore.

My partner thinks I am being unreasonable but what do you think?

Thanks in advance

OP posts:

Underthemoonlight · 21/01/2017 15:42

Pull the other leg grief you wanted to have ago at op. It's clear she is overwhelmed by the situation not some horrid stepmother your making her out to be.

GriefLeavesItsMark · 21/01/2017 15:50

She does not mean to find him an inconvenience and, she may feel bad about it, but if you read the OP's posts she does. If you go ba k and read the OP's opening post s you will see I am right. I did not say she was wrong to have these feelings, BUT it is in her power to change her own life.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 21/01/2017 15:52

You certainly have a lot on your plate OP and a huge chunk of it is picking up after other people's shortcomings.

I hope you can make your boyfriend hear you.

ClopySow · 21/01/2017 16:02

I'd say it's pretty clear from her posts that her resentment is directed at both of his parents, not the boy grief

His parents are taking the piss. My kids have a step mum, i never ask her to have the kids when their dad isn't around. She sometimes gets in touch about them seeing their half sister, which is fine, and she's lovely with my kids, but they are not her responsibility. I know my ex sees it differently and puts pressure on her to step in when he's not around. But he's a twat. So is your partner OP.

Underthemoonlight · 21/01/2017 16:18

Bore grief youwboukd start an argument in an empty room no way does op say the little boy is an inconvenience

0dfod · 21/01/2017 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Naicehamshop · 21/01/2017 16:32

Your comments are unkind and thoughtless grief.

OP - you are definitely not being unreasonable. I wouldn't put up with this any longer - sit him down and tell him how you feel, don't just wait for the subject to come up. You deserve more.

Original poster

user1484997816 · 21/01/2017 16:39

Thanks for all your lovely and helpful replies. It definitely isn't about him being an inconvenience and even though I'm posting that I'm feeling abit fed up about my life right now i'm positive he doesnt pick up on this as it isn't his fault. If anything I feel bad for him as I think he should be spending more time with his dad or even his mother more.

Well anyway my partner has got in from work and has gone to bed for abit as he is resting his eyes for abit as he is tired from work. He was grumpy with us for being too noisy playing around..

OP posts:

tribpot · 21/01/2017 16:43

What a piss-taker.

GriefLeavesItsMark · 21/01/2017 17:01

Resentment has a habit of spilling over. Op says'be the weekend all I have to look forward to is another responsibility,' 'I feel like it is all down to me' 'i just feel miserable about my weekend now'.

Of course the little boy will pick up on this. There is nothing wrong with having these feelings, part of being a functioning adult to acknowledge that sometimes you have thoughts and feelings or say or do things that are less than admirable. What you do with them is the important part.

As I suggested the OP should think about what she would tell her 19 year old self, then work out how she got to where she is now, so she can find away out.

As I have said repeatedly, there is a little boy at the centre of this who has no control o Dr what happens to him

SandyY2K · 21/01/2017 17:02

Your comments are unkind and thoughtless grief

^^^ 100%.

You should question why you're in the minority and everyone else thinks your comments are UNHELPFUL.

Butterymuffin · 21/01/2017 17:30

Time to think about practicalities OP. Whose name is on the house you live in (rented?) Is your DD your partner's? Do you have any friends or family who could have you and DD to stay for a weekend? Or maybe even a bit longer?

TammySwansonxx · 21/01/2017 17:36

Echo all of those who are saying you're so young, with your whole life ahead of you. Please don't waste it on this man.

rollonthesummer · 21/01/2017 17:36

Well anyway my partner has got in from work and has gone to bed for abit as he is resting his eyes for abit as he is tired from work. He was grumpy with us for being too noisy playing around

He is being a selfish lazy git!

I really just couldn't stay with someone like this. Who owns the house you live in?

user1484313858 · 21/01/2017 17:40

Step parenting is hard, and it sounds like you're doing a great job. But surely as is my case, weekend visits are to spend time with the other parent? Does he work full time both days? If so the weekend arrangement seems slightly pointless, and just adding to your workload with no benefit to your step child? My husband and I don't have our own children and I've been step parenting for nearly 8 years... sometimes I do still find it... frustrating. I think that's natural. But he's the parent, the responsibility is ultimately his- sounds like he's shirking because he's getting away with it with you!

broodybrooder · 21/01/2017 18:18

OP, why did you post about this? Did you just need validation that you weren't in the wrong before you broached the subject again?

Or are you afraid to raise this with him?

Do you think it will fall on deaf ears and you won't get anywhere?

littledinaco · 21/01/2017 18:58

You sound lovely OP and your stepson and brother are very lucky to have you.

Your DP sounds like an awful dad though. He has chosen to spend every weekend working instead of spending time with his DS. I understand that jobs can be hard to come by, etc but my DH would do anything to spend time with DC at the weekend and they live with him-no way in the world would he work if that's the only time he got to see them, never mind him going on nights out,etc. It must be very hurtful for his DS that his dad doesn't want to spend time with him. I can imagine he feels very rejected.

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who treated their child like this, never mind how he treats you. Obviously only you can decide what you are happy to put up with.

bluebeck · 21/01/2017 19:15

Agree with PP he is taking the piss out of you bigtime.

Either he changes his ways and starts taking an active part in family life, or what's the bloody point?

You would have far more time to yourself if you were a single mum the way it stands.

junebirthdaygirl · 21/01/2017 19:55

A few questions. Does he mind your dd when you are at college? Does he help midweek with your little db? Scrambling around here to find something he does to make your life easier. Does he cook and do housework while you study? I really hope so.
Before hearing the whole story l was wondering if ye could drop him to work in Saturdays so ye could use the car for trips
My ds is 21. I feel sad you are so burdened at that age. You sound fab but remember people can take advantage of your kindness.

junebirthdaygirl · 21/01/2017 19:56

Itssosunny · 21/01/2017 23:01

OP, don't bring him to the hairdressers. His mum takes an advantage of you as a free childcare. You need to tell your DH that his son can stay whole weekend only if his daddy is at home. His son is meant to see him and not you. That's the parental sharing.

Itssosunny · 21/01/2017 23:07

I would surprise your DH by saying you have found a weekend job.

Lila16 · 22/01/2017 10:26

God you are a hero taking on step parenting like this. You are amazing!!! They are all so lucky to have you. Please don't let this boy's parents take advantage of you.

SheldonCRules · 22/01/2017 10:39

His mum isn't taking advantage, it's dad's time to have the child and if he has to work then he has to work. I doubt he can be very picky about his hours as the one day a week the OP works won't be covering the costs.

It's only the DS the OP has a problem with, she's very happy to look after her own child at the weekend and that's very telling.

Step children should be thought of as family children in the household by both parties, so if a parent has to work it's no different to a biological child than a step child if both are seen as equal.

There's millions of men without existing children to choose from so if you have a child with a man or woman that has existing children you then can't really complain that the child is around and needs care.

user1477282676 · 22/01/2017 11:00

Sheldon I completely agree with you! But when I said it I was told off.

I think that her weekends would be the same either way....with just baby OR with baby and DSS!

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