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Original poster

Want to stop shaving....Any advice?

146 replies

lemonzest123 · 19/01/2017 10:43

Hello MN!

I need a few of your wise words, anecdotes and perhaps a kick up the backside!

I've been with DP for about a year and we absolutely adore each other but I really want to stop shaving down below and I'm not sure how to broach it.

While I can shave my underarms relatively comfortably and can epilate my legs, shaving bikini line and beyond is a bloody nightmare.

I've tried extra sensitive gels, super expensive men's and women's razors....Nothing works. After one day I'm in red, blotchy, itchy hell, not to mention the ingrown hairs. It's so sore that it looks red raw and horrible.

DP is generally an extremely supportive and caring man and would usually do anything to prevent me experiencing discomfort but he's been quiet on this one so far - even reminding me he shaves his junk "for me" (despite me repeatly saying I don't care or even notice if he's shaved).

I've let it grow out at the moment on the premise that I'll slget it waxed "soon" but the idea of someone ripping it all out terrified me.

I think I just need to put my big girl pants on and tell him the fuzz stays. A bit of womanly fuzz has got to be a better look than red raw prickly skin anyway!

Help! Has anyone else done this?

OP posts:
Original poster
lemonzest123 · 19/01/2017 11:54

Aw I love MN.

Thanks guys, your words are really helpful! I think just to see what it's like I will try a bikini line wax to start with as, though I like the fuzz and have grown quite attached to it, I do prefer how pants look without the fuzz round the edge (mine grows quite low).

I don't understand why or how it became the norm to have it all off either but it does seem to be the case for people in their twenties :(

Funny think is DP is 47 so quite old enough to know better lol

OP posts:
JudithTaverner · 19/01/2017 11:57

You know waxing is absolutely fine- much better than shaving etc, not painful and you soon get over the embarrassment factor!

Having said that, I do agree, it's your body and really you should be able to say to your DP that you no longer want to shave. Lots of men do feel very strongly about it though! (in my not hugely extensive experience).

MrsJayy · 19/01/2017 12:00

I do shave the pant line it seems to have migrated down my legs as I've got older

VaginaDentata · 19/01/2017 12:01

I'm shocked you even need to ask this. Is this what "modern" relationships demand??? You are in discomfort and you need to ask your partner's permission???

This^. Your body and what you do with it are entirely and exclusively your concern. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone for whom the time-consuming and painful banishing of a natural aspect of the adult female body is a deal-breaker? Let alone someone who describes his own genitalia as 'junk'?

The pubic hair thing isn't important, particularly - what is more alarming in your post is that you seem worried about his response, and that you don't feel able to say 'I'm no longer doing this' without promises to have it waxed at some future point? Why are you so timorous with him?

Original poster
lemonzest123 · 19/01/2017 12:02

I know! I see it ever time there's an article in it in the press and you get men (and women!) saying it looks "gross" to have hair there. Sad

A few people say it makes man on lady oral unpleasant but we don't even do that.

OP posts:
Original poster
lemonzest123 · 19/01/2017 12:04

vaginadentata I don't know. I think it's because I'm not a typical girly girl and don't have that high an opinion of my looks and I want him to think I'm pretty. Sad

Wow. Sounds sad now I've written that.

OP posts:
PinxTheTinxMinx · 19/01/2017 12:05

I've been with my DH getting on for 20 years, this has never ever been up for discussion. If I ever did 'ask' him he'd be Confused, why the hell are you asking me it's your body.

I think he's just grateful for his gorgeous svelte like deluded wife, and sex 2/3 times a week. Although a bj and he'll say/do anything 🤣

ILikeyourHairyHands · 19/01/2017 12:06

Lots of men do feel very strongly about it though, really? I'm my (very extensive) experience no man has ever voiced an opinion (other than joy) about my delightfully hirsute bush.

I can confidently say if anyone did react negatively towards it they wouldn't be getting any more of it.

Just do what you like OP, at 47 he really should know better.

Original poster
lemonzest123 · 19/01/2017 12:07

Okay I'm just going to text him now

OP posts:
Branleuse · 19/01/2017 12:09

shaving your foof is old fashioned. All the cool kids now have a proper bush.

If you want to have some sort of compromise, (that you really shouldnt have to) what about one of those bikini trimmers and keep it really short round the edges

VaginaDentata · 19/01/2017 12:09

Then honestly, OP, you need to improve your self-esteem and stop reading whatever it is that finds pubic hair on women 'gross'. If you believe you have to buy your boyfriend of a year's approval by doing something you find consistently and lingeringly painful, then, in the nicest possible way, you need to figure out a way to work on your self-confidence. Imagine your daughter was telling you this - what would you say?

Branleuse · 19/01/2017 12:10

if you get a rash and ingrowing hairs from shaving, then youre very likely to get a rash and ingrowing hairs from waxing. Shaving is much gentler on the skin than waxing

MrsBertBibby · 19/01/2017 12:11

Bloody hell, all off, all the time?! I thought my friend's goatee effect was ridiculous enough.

I gave up on waxing the edges, because by the time the red blotches fade, the hair is back. I epilate mine now to keep the bush within the bounds of my swimsuit, I find that much better.

Branleuse · 19/01/2017 12:12

my partner always liked a shaved fanny, but it gives me a rash so I dont do it anymore. easy. He doesnt care. A preference isnt an obligation

TeethDrama · 19/01/2017 12:14

Lemon Don't feel bad. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look good for a partner, that works both ways. To be honest I am quite sick of the militant notion that wanting to do some things that your partner will appreciate is weak and feeble. Obviously if there was a power imbalance in general in the relationship then no, because that points to control no matter what the subject is, and also if you feel very strongly that you want to do or don't want to do whatever it is with your body.

But if it's something that you don't mind compromising on then it's not shameful or weak to compromise on it. Nor is it completely unacceptable for your partner to have an opinion on it. Imposing that opinion - no. Having a preference, I think is fine. Would I like it if DH covered himself in piercings and tattoos all over his face? No. Is it his body? Yes. Would I like it? No.

kel12345 · 19/01/2017 12:15

Happybunny- I couldn't be anything but completely shaved down there.
OP- I use the Venus with okay razor to shave everywhere- separate blade for down there. Because the gel is built in, there's no lumps, no itching, no cuts. It's so easy.

kel12345 · 19/01/2017 12:16

But if you don't want to do it then don't. It's a personal choice.

JennyOnAPlate · 19/01/2017 12:16

It would never even occur to me to ask dh's opinion on my pubes to be honest. They're yours and you do what you like with them.

ArcheryAnnie · 19/01/2017 12:17

Because the gel is built in, there's no lumps, no itching, no cuts. It's so easy.

One size does not fit all, alas! Many women get ingrown hairs, hyperpigmentation, etc etc whatever razor they use. If you like doing it and it's easy for you, then great, but it's not a universal constant.

NotTheFordType · 19/01/2017 12:21

Where do you get the rash and ingrown hairs? On the top of your pubic area and the upper thighs? That's where mine is most problematic, although I now use men's shaving products as they are superior, including Dove Men Care Post Shave balm which is a game changer for me.

However if I couldn't shave that area then I'd still keep my outer and inner labia* and perineum shaved, as I don't ever get shaving rash or ingrown hairs there, and it's sooo much more comfortable having it shaved and makes receiving oral so much better.

*Yes, I get hair growing in the cleft of my inner labia. I'm a hairy beast!

VaginaDentata · 19/01/2017 12:22

To be honest I am quite sick of the militant notion that wanting to do some things that your partner will appreciate is weak and feeble.

Dear me, when 'militant' means 'not being prepared to suffer in order to present your genitalia entirely nude for the delectation of your partner', I think we may need to write to the OED and change the definition, officially. Hmm

MistressMaisie · 19/01/2017 12:24

I'm glad others have ingrown hair and unbearable itching as hairs grow in as it would be like torture (trying not to scratch fanny constantly) as it grew in for me. I think that some have soft downyish hair on their bodies (and recommend waxing etc because if there isn't much strong hair there won't be much pain) and some, like me, have brillo pad type, so if you cut it with a razor it comes in like sandpaper, if you wax it it will make your eyes water. So I would not bother.

Adora10 · 19/01/2017 12:25

Stop accommodating what his view of a real woman is; having no pubic hair is not a real woman, it doesn't even look nice esp when the hair starts to grow back and as you say you end up with itching purple spots! He sounds like a dick; if he can't accept you, pubic hair and all, he's not worth having.

I also don't even see this as an issue.

Happybunny19 · 19/01/2017 12:26

Kel12345, completely shaved all the time - you must have a lot more time on your hands than me or much slower growing hair. And I'm still of the opinion that bare fannies look weird, but that's just my opinion, do whatever makes you happy. The op should not be doing it just because her boyfriend wants it that way though.

Ellisandra · 19/01/2017 12:29

Your foof, your rules!

I'm really going to project now, so do just discount this if not relevant. But you said he doesn't give you oral sex. In my (not inconsiderable Grin) experience previous partners who have declined to do that have all been selfish lovers - and selfish men. I'm sure there are men out there who don't like it, and women too. That's fine. But I'm just going to throw it out there that in my experience it's been a selfish thing. Can't be bothered because it isn't for their pleasure.

I think my antennae are twitching because this guy has told you he shaves "for you" when you haven't asked him to and you seem to feel under pressure to shave for him.

Now if you want to shave or wax, fine. I shave often, not the full works - undercarriage and side of front triangle. I epilate the triangle sides. I wax between my arse cheeks (oh, how I love my 40s Grin). Shave underneath. What has helped is that I had laser therapy on the front - massive impact! And used a home hand held laser underneath. Not as big an impact but did thin them out a bit, making shaving quicker and smoother.

But please - only take the laser tip if YOU want to. And beware that fashions change!

FWIW my sexual partners have often expressed an opinion and made requests but have ALWAYS respected my decision.

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