Overweight partner...he obviously doesn't care?

[Sarahisthename]

My DH is overweight, BMI 30 or more . He knows I want him to lose weight. Occasionally he tries ... Maybe eats less for s couple of days ... Goes to the gym a couple of days. But really no real effort. Excuses sometimes such as stressful work , but usually just says yeah I will but doesn't. He knows how I feel. He could if he wanted but chooses not to. This is the only thing I ask of him. He does work hard (as do I). We have children, he's hands on, but I feel it's such a bad example to set them.
He likes me to make the effort to please him in the way I look (clothes /make up etc) when I make comparisons he says it's easy for me to wear something- much harder to lose weight . I feel so bitter sometimes .

The idea that the cooking and shopping is my responsibility because I'm female is an attitude I hope my children never learn.
Absolutely.

This is the sort of attitude I came up against when my partner became very large. Can't I buy healthier food? Control portions? Go on a diet with him? Send him to the doctors or the gym? Buy healthy cook books? It seemed it was my responsibility he had gotten fat in the first place and my responsibility to fix it. Horribly sexist.

Odd socks so if a man does that for a woman does that make him a mug or a push over. maybe it's because my partner studied anatomy and physiology at university so he could explain to me WTF I was doing to myself. Me and my partner are not married and he still supports me in sickness and in health. My partner who is 53 said to me that he will out live me and I m 33. So that's when we done it together eating healthier and exercising. Even at his age and he's not fat still has to think about what he puts into his body. He loves me and the kids and he wants me alive. Is it sexism or is it another excuse.

So you're saying it's the OP making excuses here? Not her partner?

It's both of them I would do anything for my kids and partner and so would he. We share the burdens of life. If the op don't want to do that then let him go and find his equal who will make him feel better himself. For him to drink and eat the way he does he doesn't sound happy. It could be the relationship he's not happy with her.

Don't even get me started on what he's doing to his organs.

Horrid .... You seem determined to lay the blame at my door for this. Surely if this was my fault I'd be the one so oveweight .
We both work (same industry ) both look after family life yet I can manage to look the way he wants me to.
The point you fail to notice is that appearance is important to him - in the way I look. In my mind this should work both ways.

Your determined to suggest he must be unhappy ... Perhaps he's just like the numerous other posters who have said they are overweight but happy as they are and would refuse to change at a partners request.

Try another angle with him you have tried everything else. I don't think you want to give up on him or you wouldn't be responding to me. Try shocking him talk about health and how what he eats and drinks is harming him. Tell him about the snoring and if you have to sleep in another room do it if he loves you he will get lonely. You need to use reverse psychology with him to make him think. You could tell him I couldn't sleep with you last night because I couldn't take the snoring I have to work as well. If you don't put up with it then if loves you he will change. I want it to work out for you and if you start putting your foot down you will then know how much he values your relationship. Tell him your not looking for Baywatch you just want him healthy and certain things are affecting the relationship like snoring. Old age is cruel and if he doesn't start looking after himself now then you will be left with the burden in the end.

Odd socks so if a man does that for a woman does that make him a mug or a push over.

Who cares? This thread is about how the Op feels about her spouse not hypothetical situations. I said it much earlier on and ill say it again. The Op is not responsible for solving someone else's weight problem.

HH the point is that SOCIETY expects an overweight woman to do it on her own but then SOCIETY also expects women to micro manage a male partner with the same problems.

At my Slimming World class a couple of years ago an older overweight woman (in her late sixties 70ish im guessing) was talking about how her husband didnt even know how to switch the oven on yet insisted on eating different and unhealthy food yet expected her to cook that as well as her own SW meal . And she was saying how it made it harder for her to lose weight. Cue lots of sympathetic nods and comments like "Well thats men for you" "Thats just how men are . It cant be helped"

I spoke up and pointed out how unfair he was being to her and pointed out the sexism.

I also asked what he would do if God forbid she had to go into hospital.

I was the ONLY one in a class of fifty women and 3 men who spoke up making these points.

I was hoping these issues would filter out over time and the generations but there were quite a few women in their twenties and thirties nodding and agreeing with her comments.

What was her response to you when you said that? What an outrageous attitude to have "well that's men for you". God forbid anything happened to women they would all perish and die according to them. "Thats just how men are . It cant be helped" they are wrong not all men are like that. There husbands or partners might be because they put up with it but not everyone. My dad said to my partner I would be good at cleaning, cooking and washing up. He tried to sell me to him like I would be a good maid to keep around my partner was in shock. How could he talk about his own daughter like that. I am lucky to find someone who is the complete opposite to my dad. My mums sperm donor was mortified when I started educating myself and learning how to drive. Me and my partner asked a few years back if sperm donor and my mum to come and live with us he said that everything I was doing had to stop. They blamed him for encouraging me they asked him if it was his idea why I was learning the piano or studying. My partner didn't have to stay with me and support me but he choose to.

HH The subject got swiftly changed. And the consultant moved things along.

Im afraid in RL where i am sexism is downplayed and minimised quite a lot.

Can I just apologise for posting a picture of food on this thread. Genuine mistake

Bit, don't talk daft. I loved your roast beef picture. Sad, its gone. This thread has been a varied and interesting discussion.
We are allowed to have a bit of lighted hearted relief aswell.

Bit I loved it made me hungry for stake.

I just hoped nobody thought I was taking the piss!

No way I don't mind a bit of humour if you cant find the time to laugh and not take things so serious then whats the point. I don't think its good to be serious all the time. If anyone thought you were taking the piss I am sure you would have seen a post by now.

Well in that case you'll all be pleased to hear that the beef was absolutely bloody delicious and it was a Hairy Dieters recipe too!

Bit - the picture looked lovely but when I saw it I knew it must have been a mis-steak . I have no beef with you.
The whole thread has been interesting to read , even though I think some posters have really taken the Brisket with their comments . Overall I think everyone has given me loads to think about . Well done.
(Christ I really need to get a life / DH will probably start a thread about his DW who thinks she's funny but is actually a complete dick )

OP

OP