Is it still rape if I had an orgasm? - triggers

[wanttoleavethepastbehindme]

I'm struggling a bit thinking of a past relationship. I'm ok, but really want to put this behind me once and for all.

With this guy when we had sex sometimes he would force me into anal sex. Force as in I had no choice and couldn't get away, he'd start very gradually with a finger and work his way up, but not force as in brutally hurt me. It hurt only slightly and just had that odd pressure feeling of anal sex but then by the end I'd have an orgasm.

I didn't want it and would be saying no but my body still had an orgasm at these times, so what does that mean? The orgasms felt physically good but had a lot of shame and embarrassment and felt sick afterwards. I still have to work hard today at having sex without feeling shame.

If I let it, shame and anal sex would be a massive turn on for me, but I try to just let the fantasies pass and not judge myself too much for them. However, I wish they would just go away.

Was this rape or assault really, or not, because it did give me (unwanted) orgasms?

Moving on

I hope op has got some comfort from this thread

No Polly, this is not the place for 'sensible discussion' about how women orgasm FFS!! It's the place to support someone who was raped.

Are you ok OP?

it was really stupid of me to come on here, comment on this and respond to nasty stuff.

Anyfucker I found your comment particularly unpleasant. Yes I know you don't give a fuck, but I felt I had to say it. There appears to be some sort of culture where if you are not in agreement with the " in crowd" you are fair game to be attacked.

I think in an open forum we are all entitled to our opinions and to express our ideas.
I never once said anything unpleasant or hurtful to OP.

Again randomer, a thread where someone is upset and vulnerable is not a place to express opinions or ideas, it's a place to provide support. Would you sit in front of an upset friend who'd told you she'd been raped and ask her the same questions??

would you say to an upset friend " you're the one who got deleted"

BIG MASSIVE mistake coming on here at all....so that an end to it.

Upset and vunerable equals no ideas no opinions....got it

Good, glad you've got it. Just to reiterate a conversation with an upset person is NOT a place for ideas and opinions, it's a place for SUPPORT.

I feel I need to draw something to your attention, randomer

this thread is not about you