Dp paying for porn

[Namechange26]

Nc for this. I've found out dp has signed up for a website where you pay money each month to view a girls private blog where she posts porn and naked photos.

I know that he watches porn and I have no issue with this, but something about the idea of him paying for it doesn't sit right with me. We have a fairly active sex life and have no issues with our relationship.

Would you view this the same way as watching regular porn and I'm just overreacting? There is no interaction between them as far as I can tell so it's not like he's talking to other girls behind my back.

So a night on the sofa, slap on the wrist and hes off the hook. Only now he will just hide it better, they always do.
Good luck op

Go for some help? Counselling?

I totally agree, EstellaHavisham, having been through this exact thing for the last 18 months

I have been in OPs position, wanting to make things work for the sake of children, hoping things will get better and he will change... It didn't work out in my case and I wish I had ripped the plaster off sooner.

Best of luck to you OP and I really hope it works out for you

OP, out of interest, how are you going to know if he goes back on this (or any other private site? Are you going to check computer history (incognito browsing and deletion solves this) or trust his word? Genuinely interested, not sarcastically meant.

Awful behaviour, totally disrespectful both to women in general and mainly you!

He doesn't need porn, nobody does, it's a choice and if he's paying then of course there will be interaction, he's effectively cheating on you online.

And then there's his lying.

sorry OP, he sounds nowhere near acceptable as a partner; I also think no consequence just means he will hide his tracks now.

Namechange, his Internet history from his phone links with our shared laptop. I know there's the risk that he could just go on a private browser.

I've been questioning myself what the consequences should be. I want to move past this, but not sure how to right now. Reading all the responses is making me question everything again.

Well his behaviour is much more respectful of sex workers, and of individual providers, than some twat who just views free shit on youporn without any idea of its provenance. Your DP is an ethical buyer. How does that feel?

O MY GOD. I signed up to this site today to get some relationship advice, which was helpful. I briefly browsed the forum and found this thread.

O MY GOD GOD GIRLS CHILL OUT.

In the universe, or merely the human earth, there are a million billion reasons to hate a man. There are many many reasons to deem his behaviour so bad that your leaving him is warranted.

None of those reasons include the paying for porn.

As a man of 33, let me explain why this is definitely true.

1. Men compartmentalise sex and porn in ways that aren't obvious to you. The women on this thread suggesting that paying for porn is somehow a precursor to launching match.com profiles and engaging in affairs ARE MAD. THEY ARE DELUSIONAL. To a man, porn is bloody porn, ok? We look at it to masturbate. This is life as we have known it since god gave us uncontrollable erections in Year 8 science classes.

THERE IS NOTHING IMMORAL ABOUT MALE MASTURABTION.

It is in no shape or form, or any possible reasonable extension of logic, a precursor to any of the horrible behaviours aforementioned.

For men, watching porn is like having a sandwich. It's what we do, all the time. Yes, to think about the reality of the women whose life is probably terrible, who has created this porn, is bad. But maybe it isn't. Who's getting paid? This unavailable uncertainty renders any meaningful contemplation totally useless.

1. Men have to come all the time. That's nature. That's how it works. Sorry girls but we come. Come come come all the time. That's just how we roll.

1. Paying for porn is the same as free porn. It's just probably better porn. that's it. It's some malevolent move towards awfulness. It's just spending of money, as if we were buying a cheese sandwich, for better porn.

Honestly, just forget about it. You guys have a kid! for god's sake dont conflate this with anything important about his morality or character.

Seriously, chill out. it's just porn.

Oh, fuck off, pleasehlpe. Lots of people have different views on porn. Personally, I know people who work in the porn industry in an "ethical" way.

Regardless, I don't think the OP needs you coming here and mansplaining and telling MNers to "chill out girls". You patronising twat.

I was genuinely trying to help.

I know lots of men. Some are wonderful husbands and fathers. Some are alright. Some are questionable. A few should be avoided.

Whether or not any of them pay for porn is totally meaningless to their suitability as a partner.

That's because masturbation is a meaningless tiny fraction of our lives and has no bearing on anything..

That's how men think. And we're judging a man here, lady.

To take offence at the phrase "chill out girls" and accuse me of 'mansplaining' is puerile and idiotic. Use some sensible judgment rather than taking offence to everything.

PEACE

I'm sorry, Pleasehlpe. Are you unable to masturbation unless staring at someone's (other than your partner, by the sounds of it) naked body? If so, I think you should see a GP.
Also, no one said male masturbation was immoral. Lying to your partner's face is though.

*masturbate, bad phone autocorrect

at the guy who comes in to mansplain taking offence at being told he's mansplaining. Sorry we didn't all bow down to your pearls of wisdom there.

PEACE.

Idiotic? So is calling someone a stuck up old bat no? Peace.

There is nothing immoral about male masturbation

Durh, Who said there was?

Ladies, there is nothing immoral about eating spaghetti.

There, I feel so much better now.

Pleasehlpe That went really well. Cringe. PEACE. Do let me me know when you 'Chill out Silly Girls' book comes out.... this 'girl' will be sure to come to your signing

PP's do you think we could sign off all our of posts 'PEACE' for the day???

OP very sorry this has happened, like you I take a fairly moderate view on porn and accept its watched. However there's ACRES of free stuff for every taste and quirk, I would be very pissed off though that DH had seeming selected a 'special girl' to wastethrow money at like a poor man's Richard Girl in Pretty Woman. and laugh in his face at his silly crush

I would be incandescent that he lied to my face and would welcome him to throw all his money and lies in her direction and in future and bin him.

Be good to yourself OP.

....sorry 'Richard Gere' daft new shiny sleek keyboard!

As for 'men have to come all the time' come, come, come

Wtaf?

Do you actually manage to hold down a full time job?

What about women? Do we 'have to come' or Are we just your come receptacles?

You sir, are a terrible advert for heavy porn-use.

pleasehelp thank you for putting us all straight on such a difficult subject, I just don't think any of us "girls" would've been able to rationally get to the bottom of something as mysterious as male mastabation without your input. I bet there are numerous issues that you could put us right about and I think you should come over to the AIBU or feminism boards to share more of your intelligent views on the world! Your username is very funny by the way, I can't imagine you needing help with anything.

Not directly relevant.

Porn that you pay tends to be more 'ethical', in that the performers are more likely to have regular medical checkups, less likely to be forced, much better paid.

So if you are going to watch porn paying for it is ' better'. Although I suspect this may not have been your DPs motivation.

NC1nightstand ...too late, he's been on the feminist board....and it went really, really well.

As well as teaching the methodology of 'chill out girls' and 'peace' he also teaches feminism as part of a broader course.

I'm awestruck.

I'm off to check the feminist board

pleasehelp you managed to spectacularly miss the point!
Find me anywhere on this thread where it has been suggested that masturbation is wrong and men shouldn't do it. Most women masturbate - we know what it's about.

Men have to come all the time. That's nature. That's how it works. Sorry girls but we come. Come come come all the time. That's just how we roll.
That's because masturbation is a meaningless tiny fraction of our lives and has no bearing on anything.
So you have to do it all the time, but it's a meaningless tiny fraction of your life? You do realise you've contradicted yourself right?

Relationships have boundaries and require certain levels of honesty and transparency. Blatant lies to cover up behaviour that he knows are outside the boundaries of the relationship are unacceptable.

Even if porn is acceptable within a relationship, there can still be boundaries around that which make some ok and others not ok.

Well 'girls' we've really struck gold here. The spokesman for ALL males has given us the facts and put us straight. Aren't we lucky for this fascinating insight

Honestly. What a load of absolute guff.

What the fuck do you think men who don't have internet access do? Or men who lived way back when before porn was 'a thing'? They don't all spontaneously combust and they don't all have affairs. Take some fucking responsibility. You might be a slave to your hormones and unable to get through a morning without salivating over a pair of tits but there are actually a lot of grown up men who manage just fine and would be horrified at the thought of you being their mouthpiece. You sound like a sex mad 15 year old. It's so unattractive, I can't even tell you.

It's the lying though isn't it. The ten minutes of lying right into the OPs face. The porn is over the line but it's the lying that would be the issue for me now in the OPs shoes.