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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Another day, still a bastard!

137 replies

FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 08:58

I was woken up this morning by my DP asking me what the time was my answer "I dont know' just opening my eyes about to reach for my phone (eyes still closed) then I hear him say 'forget it ill just go all the way downstairs to find out'.
Me- ' its ok wait there, its half 8'.
He walks out with our baby ( me not realising WW3 has started in his head), and downstairs to make a bottle. I follow him (im awake now) I start to clean up (Christmas bomb site) my DD comes down, so I start to talk to her about Christmas, can hear him in the kitchen mumbling something. Then comes into the front room and asks me why 'I didn't tell him the time, and I always say I dont know and it pisses him off' he says.
Me- Oh ok im sorry I hadn't opened my eyes yet, so my first response was to say I dont know (whilst reaching for my phone).

Well I guess that's not good enough as he walked off calling me a "fucking cunt" and usual other names. My DD is helping me tidy whilst listening to this. I just apologised to her and carried on him still in the kitchen mumbling away obscenities towards me. I ignore and carry on though now im shaking like a crazy person. (He went back to bed) he will probably not come to my mums for boxing day dinner and I have to explain to people why, this will just make him look like an even more horrible man to everyone than already!
We had a great day yesterday. Well everyone else did mine was busy I dont think I sat down once Hmm.
Then today he wakes up in this foup mood, and he says its because I didn't telp him the time?!

Does that sound normal to you?
It sounds batshit to me?
I know the real reason he is pissed off because he was woken up by our DD again. His thoughts are he expects a lie in. Personally I cant remember the last time I layed in (3kids) Confused I leave him in bed most mornings as im taking the kids to school, he sometimes goes back to bed during the day time for hours.

I dont even know why im writing this. Im just hurt, shaky and confused. We have a great day then wake up to Mr Hyde Sad

OP posts:
FantasticButtocks · 26/12/2016 10:11

You need to stop giving a shiny shit about what he thinks! Who cares what he thinks? He is a fuckwit and his thoughts are irrelevant. Why discuss womensaid with him?

Kidnapped · 26/12/2016 10:15

Who on earth wakes someone up to ask them the time? He can get a bedside clock and then he'll always know the time in the morning (like most people). You are the one who should have been annoyed at being woken up.

He was annoyed at the baby disturbing his sleep and then engineered an argument so that he can stay home today while you take the kids to your mums alone. And it is all your fault, you see, because you didn't tell him the time.

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 10:33

I know my kids shouldn't be living like this which is why ive come to the realisation (be it late)

What do I even write Badcat.
'Your a cunt, you have 2 months to leave, if you do not leave by the date given, police action will be taken to remove you. Now fuck off.'

'Ellisandra' its the harassment afterwards and before he leaves thats scary. He gulit trips me because he will be on the streets (literally) there is 2 hostels around here! He will let the kids know I kicked him out and made him sleep on the streets and then they'll hate me. Though they'd hate me more to keep them living with this abusive person I know. But its the guilt trips I struggle to get past. I could easily kick him out if I knew he would be just gone. But I will be harassed and berated as a bad mother. Of I go upstairs he will follow me and not allow me to be alone. He will make the mext 2 months an even more living hell! Thats why the next step is so hard.
I cant change the locks. Its council property.

Its easy to sound simple on the outside. Ive been manipulated for the past 7years into thinking he is God and always right and im always wrong no matter whether people are on my side or not. I know its frustrating for people reading but its a slow process in which im nearing the end. I can feel a little fire power coming back into my belly.

Better get dressed Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 10:35

kidnapped Exactly! All works out for him. He'll get up in an ok mood and be 'sorry'

OP posts:
Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 10:37

He was telling me how I have noone fantastic I just told him there is places out there for women. Cue, his rant.

OP posts:
Thattimeofyearagain · 26/12/2016 10:39

He is fucking vile, why are you subjecting your dc to this ?

ElspethFlashman · 26/12/2016 10:41

Actually I suspect the council will allow you to change the locks. I think this has been asked on here before. If you ring them and ask permission and explain why, they may well say yes.

Giving him two months is ridiculous, sorry. What on earth do you think will have changed at the end of that time? He'll make no effort to get anywhere else and just won't leave. The single only thing you can do is change the locks whilst he's working and take the kids and spend the night somewhere else so they aren't subject to more scenes. He can stay with the bloke he's working with.

Thattimeofyearagain · 26/12/2016 10:42

X- post. Contact the council and explain your in an abusive relationship and need the kicks changing.

Thattimeofyearagain · 26/12/2016 10:43
  • locks. If they could kick him as well that would be great.
Kidnapped · 26/12/2016 10:44

"kidnapped Exactly! All works out for him. He'll get up in an ok mood and be 'sorry'"

Yes, he'll sleep all day, play X box, do bugger all clearing up and then when you come home with the children he will 'forgive' you for not telling him the time this morning. And then he will allow you to make him something to eat.

Guiltypleasures001 · 26/12/2016 10:44

I would phone the police and tell them about him and tell them you are kicking him out within the next 48hrs, then they can step in if needed.

Don't give him any notice deffo not months notice why? You don't care he has no where to go he's a grow up allegedly. Also ask counsel about changing the locks, or just lose the key snap key in lock. They will get someone out to,change it.

Op it needs to be done swift and controlled, after that batten down the hatches and export him every time he starts.

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 10:46

You sound like you live my life kidnapped

He wont be at work until January now flashman thattimeofyear

OP posts:
tiej · 26/12/2016 10:48

Lot's of shocking stories on here OP, but your "man" wins the award for being the most repulsive.

He's made it easy for you really, you and your kids would be so, so much better off without him.

I know you'll do it, you're nearly there. Flowers

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 10:48

I have just put his and spare keys away. Make out they're lost. Im always home to let him in anyway

OP posts:
PrettyDarnQuick · 26/12/2016 10:48

He called you a cunt in front of your children.

That is abusive and disrespectful. It is not normal. This man does not deserve to sleep in the same bed and live a 'normal' family life with you.

clumsyduck · 26/12/2016 10:50

This is the type of thing that used to happen with my ex .
Abusive and a completely suck the fun and life from everything men like this .

gamerchick · 26/12/2016 10:50

You can change the locks in a council property, who told you you can't?

Look go to your mothers and tell her you want rid of him and can she help or give some ideas. Ring WA, get a plan. Everything seems big until you have a plan and know what you're doing.

Yes the harassment afterwards is hard work but it's not forever (been there done that) and a friendly word from a policeman usually reigns then in.

Thattimeofyearagain · 26/12/2016 10:51

Good, get your ducks in a row and do it on his first "day" Hmm back at work.

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 10:51

Thanks tiej. Sort of Grin. He can be a vile creature.

Im getting there xx

OP posts:
Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 10:52

Are WA open today?

OP posts:
AlabasterSnowball · 26/12/2016 11:01

Are Wa open today?
I imagine this is their busiest time of the year DaddyPig
You need to do this, your kids are learning this behaviour, when you feel unsure. Think about them

gamerchick · 26/12/2016 11:04

Yes 0808 2000 247 just keep trying if they're busy. I think a lot of woman take stock this time of year and want out of the life they're in.

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 11:20

"Work" he hasnt worked since we got together 7 years ago 2 hours a day washing windows is perfect for him!. Always a job after this, after that, im a bitch for even mentioning a job because he has told me 2017 will be better on our life front.

I doubt that. I doubt that very much so.

OP posts:
Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 11:23

I have to go into my bedroom to get clothes for me and baby

OP posts:
PickAChew · 26/12/2016 11:26

Your family thinking he's a horrible man really is not a problem because it's true.