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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Another day, still a bastard!

137 replies

FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 08:58

I was woken up this morning by my DP asking me what the time was my answer "I dont know' just opening my eyes about to reach for my phone (eyes still closed) then I hear him say 'forget it ill just go all the way downstairs to find out'.
Me- ' its ok wait there, its half 8'.
He walks out with our baby ( me not realising WW3 has started in his head), and downstairs to make a bottle. I follow him (im awake now) I start to clean up (Christmas bomb site) my DD comes down, so I start to talk to her about Christmas, can hear him in the kitchen mumbling something. Then comes into the front room and asks me why 'I didn't tell him the time, and I always say I dont know and it pisses him off' he says.
Me- Oh ok im sorry I hadn't opened my eyes yet, so my first response was to say I dont know (whilst reaching for my phone).

Well I guess that's not good enough as he walked off calling me a "fucking cunt" and usual other names. My DD is helping me tidy whilst listening to this. I just apologised to her and carried on him still in the kitchen mumbling away obscenities towards me. I ignore and carry on though now im shaking like a crazy person. (He went back to bed) he will probably not come to my mums for boxing day dinner and I have to explain to people why, this will just make him look like an even more horrible man to everyone than already!
We had a great day yesterday. Well everyone else did mine was busy I dont think I sat down once Hmm.
Then today he wakes up in this foup mood, and he says its because I didn't telp him the time?!

Does that sound normal to you?
It sounds batshit to me?
I know the real reason he is pissed off because he was woken up by our DD again. His thoughts are he expects a lie in. Personally I cant remember the last time I layed in (3kids) Confused I leave him in bed most mornings as im taking the kids to school, he sometimes goes back to bed during the day time for hours.

I dont even know why im writing this. Im just hurt, shaky and confused. We have a great day then wake up to Mr Hyde Sad

OP posts:
BreatheDeep · 26/12/2016 09:27

That's not normal behaviour in a relationship, no. DH would never on a million years talk to me like that. It sounds like you are used to it and walk on egg shells. That's not a nice way to live. Go to your mum's without him, have a good day and think about how nice it would be to have everyday without worrying about him.

Pringlesandwine · 26/12/2016 09:28

If anyone called me that, I'd be livid.
If anyone called me that in front of my daughter, I would be packing my bags. She doesn't need to hear her mum being verbally abused in her own home.
So pleased that you are aware this is wrong and know you need to LTB.
Good luck and have a lovely day today.

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 09:30

Im still with him because its fucking scary this side! I have noone, its the Christmas period and I have no choice but to suck it up for my children. I have no where to go. Absolutely nowhere.

gilmore He will refuse to leave the house and its in my name. Im going to tell him at some point that 'he needs to make alternative living arrangements because its not healthy living this was for anyone'.

I always tell him noone else would put up with this crap. He tells me to shut the fuck up.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 26/12/2016 09:30

Have you posted about him before?

Don't let your children see that this is how relationships work - they deserve better and so do you. Make your plans to get out soon

Merriment · 26/12/2016 09:31

The only cunt in this scenario is him, and calling you that in front of your dd is unforgivable. Ltb!

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 09:32

Im not going to mums until a little later until then im going to tackle the Christmas dishes and get these children on their bikes (which I'll be in trouble for later, as he wasnt there, he will be in bed). He doesn't want to mums anyway he dislikes my mums bf. (He dislikes most people)

OP posts:
LiveLifeWithPassion · 26/12/2016 09:33

It's your house? You need to get him out.

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 09:33

Different day same shit costa

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 26/12/2016 09:34

Then change the shit in 2017

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 09:36

He sees none of what he does as wrong he just sees it as defending himself (against me not moving quick enough I suppose)

Ive told him hes abusive, he says not. He even called me controlling this morning among his rants? How I do not know. Im normally 'Yes, Sir. No, Sir' unless its been going on for days and I might shout at him Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 09:36

Thats my plan anyfucker

OP posts:
mumonashoestring · 26/12/2016 09:39

If it's your house, entirely in your name, then there's nothing to stop you packing his things up and changing the locks on him, then calling the police if he gets pushy about it. Talk to your family while you're there today - will they be supportive if you decide to shed the deadweight?

Ledkr · 26/12/2016 09:40

You posted about him before haven't you?

Ledkr · 26/12/2016 09:43

Sorry didn't read properly.

It really is time for change then isn't it?
Your dd heard all that, what on Earth are her relationship expectations going to be?
I know it's the standard answer on here but you really should contact women's aid even if only for advice, he's definitely abusive.
Life would be so much better for all of you without him.

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 09:49

Everyone around me (my mum lol) secretly dislikes him but thats because hes argumentative, comes across rude etc. People go along with it for me I suppose. So yes they would be supportive for about 5minutes. Life would definitely be better. I think im just scared to contact women's aid etc. He tells me thats just for battered wives and they will laugh at me etc. He'll make me think of something right there on the spot about how he is manipulative etc (but I cant)(hate being put on the spot) so when I cant he'll say 'see your full of shit, fuck off' or something like that

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 26/12/2016 09:50

While you just tell him he is unreasonable, and do not take any action about it, I can see that he thinks he is getting away with it. Let's face it, he is getting away with it.

Hope you get him out sooner than later. You are in the right place her, MN, to get advice on how to go about this. All the very best for you and your children.

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 09:52

Ive told him in the past week. That he does it because he can, because I allow it to happen and accept his bs apologies 'until next time my dear'

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 26/12/2016 09:54

Why does it matter what he thinks? He can think the moon is made of cheese, it doesn't mean it is

Kr1stina · 26/12/2016 09:55

Stop talking to him and trying to get him to admit that he's wrong. You are wasting your breath.

Just take action to get him out your house.

Original poster
FuckDaddyPig · 26/12/2016 09:56

Its my birthday in a few days too Sad My last birthday he got pissed up the night before. Woke up being a cunt then went back to bed for the day left me crying on the front room floor. My mum came round and took me out for dinner with the children.

OP posts:
tiej · 26/12/2016 09:59

What's the point of him? Is there one?

Your kids should not be living like this.

Badcat666 · 26/12/2016 10:01

If the house is in your name then treat him like a tenant. Give him 2 months notice and a date to quit to fuck off and find somewhere else to live. Do this in writing/email and give it to him/ email it to him.

www.gov.uk/private-renting-tenancy-agreements/your-landlord-wants-to-end-your-tenancy

Then when you call the police to come and evict his cunty arse you can wave it under his nose like a lovely leaving present.

Ellisandra · 26/12/2016 10:02

Is this the window cleaner?
Oh love, you need to speak to Women's Aid and make a plan.
You are in a far better position practically than many women who post on here with arsehole boyfriends.

  1. It's your name on the house so you can actually tell him to fuck off
  1. He's a lazy workshy cunt so you're not dependent on his money

There are women who would love to have those two things going for them! You must speak to Women's Aid to work out what is holding you back.

Can you imagine your kids coming to you on Boxing Day when you are your mum's age? And your daughter's reluctant partner who you hate comes too. And you over hear him call her a cunt. And you realise that she lives this horrible life because you taught her that it was acceptable?

You all deserve better.

ElspethFlashman · 26/12/2016 10:04

Yes I remember the "working 2 hrs" thing. Is he a plumber?

Is there a reason you won't change the locks whilst he's at work? Seems the simplest thing.

MorrisZapp · 26/12/2016 10:11

Don't waste energy trying to show him the error of his ways. Anyone who can use the c word in front of small children is clearly beyond normal reason.

You don't need him to see, to understand or to get it. He never will. He may spend the rest of his life telling the world what a nasty bitch you are, and he may sincerely believe it.

You have to act for yourself, without his permission or approval. He doesn't want to be binned, well boo hoo, he'll just have to cope with the consequences of his hateful actions.

Don't engage or feel sorry for this twat. Your kids deserve a million times better than this.