I've been ghosted... it's made me feel so crap !

[hoolabaybee]

A guy I went to school with got in touch about 6 weeks ago and we been chatting regularly ever since. He works away but we made plans to meet when he home Sunday and also xmas weekend, he had been ringing me everyday and was acting very eager to meet me.

On Wednesday night had a long lovely phone call and then Thursday nothing, just stopped texting me...no explanation nothing.

It's really put me down in the dumps and kind of ruined xmas..sad really as we not even met

Self esteem rock bottom now..anyone else this happpened to?

This just popped up on my newsfeed - it's about newfangled dating terminology. I had only heard of a couple of them but it might come in useful...
m.huffpost.com/uk/entry/13720100?utm_hp_ref=uk&

That was interesting reading Quarter. Every day is a school day.

Feeling a fledgeling connection is normal too though user.

I am regularly amazed how optimistic i am every time i go off to meet somebody new if we have a good online rapport.

You have to train yourself to assume nothing but yet, be open to it working out.

When you're not dating it is easy to tell other people not to feel anything.

The day people stop feeling anything switch off the lights.

Op was not doing anything other than vocalising a bit of disappointment.

To be fair to the OP, she says she's fine now, so perhaps it was all a bit of an unneccesary storm in a teacup having a go at him.

Perhaps if you hadn't have overreacted OP, you would be spending some of Christmas weekend with him..or maybe not…we will never know.

It's going to sound hugely patronising but OP, the passé and chilled out vibe you have now, would have come in really handy a few days ago and I don't think you can really argue with that.

They say we get the same lesson until we learn it.

Onwards and Upwards

Yeh, i hate to see somebody getting a hard time for having developed a connection to another human being. We're all hardwired to connect.

Constantly forming on line connections and then never following through in rl is a form of avoiding intimacy imo

They're not getting a hard time for forming a "connection". Theyre getting a hard time for giving the guy a hard time for deciding not to text back within they're self imposed time frame. There's a difference. Being ghosted is crap. But it surely cant be applied to someone you've not even dated in person? Even my 14yo dd would think thats being a bit precious.

Just remember to be kind folks

Indeed. Kindness and patience to this guy might have paid off better than a bollocking, we will never know. Works all ways doesn't it.

He didnt post here.

Labelling every single behaviour or situation is dangerous...you are pathologising normal human emotion, turning every action into a negative, and something that is done to you

It's not good.

Labelling every single behaviour or situation is dangerous...you are pathologising normal human emotion, turning every action into a negative, and something that is done to you

It's not good.

Dangerous?! lol.

I didn't invent these terms. But in my view, it is reassuring to know that some that made me feel uncomfortable, that other people have noticed it.

Labelling it in a funny way is the opposite of dangerous.

But hey what do I know. I'm not doling out advice from the comfort of a secure relationship, or from the position of being long term single and too passive to try and change that.

Are you dating at the moment user1480?

But in my view, it is reassuring to know that some that made me feel uncomfortable, that other people have noticed it

In my view, it takes "something you are uncomfortable with" (which is entirely up to you and valid in itself) and making it "a problem of the other person done to you" by labelling it in a particular way.

Does it matter if I am dating? Does it make a viewpoint less or more valid?

It does make a difference yes. A lot of the dating advice is basically just ''don't feel''. Don't invest too soon. Don't feel too much. Don't feel too much too soon.

Recognising a behaviour is not the same as demonising the "perpetrator" btw. There's no pathology. It's not dangerous. It's just a handy little flag.
Oh you're being benched. Don't invest in to this one.

You're entitled to your view point of course but 18 months of internet dating and I think you'd 'get' it a little more than you appear to.

You seem to be just arguing for the sake of it and that's my view!

The latest dating advice (from who, anyway?) is neither here nor there. There is nothing new in dating. So the methods of communication change, so what? It doesn't change the essentials.
Making up all this new terminology doesn't change anything, thats my point.

I get it, I just think you're obviously way to into it and a going OTT.

Quick update from me. The ghoster sent me a text after six weeks of no communication. I pretended not to have noticed that he had disappeared and told him about all the nice things I did.

We now talk every few days. I don't know if my experience is the same for everyone but ignoring them is the best thing. He disappeared after his last text and I never contacted him.

To be honest, I am not sure he is the man of my life because of the ghosting, I like him a lot but I like and respect myself more.

Happy New Year everyone!

Oh what a surprise! Knew that he would!
Good to hear that you sound so upbeat,even better to hear that you think more of yourself than to get involved with this loser!

I would be curious to know how often these disappearing men tend to reappear after a while, and why.

I just can't wrap my head around that type of behavior, surely if you are into someone you don't just magically forget about them for weeks or months??

Angie, I read a lot about this "ghosting" phenomenon. Apparently, most of the time they just disappear (that is why I am surprised that "my" guy came back). They just want to avoid confrontation and they assume the interested lady will get the hint.

I am one of those people who treats others the way I want to be treated so if something it is not working out, I will tell them in the nicest way I can find. But many other people are much less interested in other people's feelings.

especially with social media, it is getting easier and easier to simply delete people from your life. How incredibly sad.