I've been ghosted... it's made me feel so crap !

[hoolabaybee]

A guy I went to school with got in touch about 6 weeks ago and we been chatting regularly ever since. He works away but we made plans to meet when he home Sunday and also xmas weekend, he had been ringing me everyday and was acting very eager to meet me.

On Wednesday night had a long lovely phone call and then Thursday nothing, just stopped texting me...no explanation nothing.

It's really put me down in the dumps and kind of ruined xmas..sad really as we not even met

Self esteem rock bottom now..anyone else this happpened to?

To me it's quite clear that the 'long lovely chat' had put him off in some way as the texting has stopped right after that (no fault of yours, OP, probably, but he could have heard something about you/the way you speak that put him off).
Yes a nicer guy could have at least made some excuse before stopping the tecting but most people find it easier to disappear if they haven't met the person yet, rater than explain what put them off.

lol! "What the actual fuck is breadcrumbed''. Not trying to shock you.

But it's very helpful to recognise a pattern/behaviour. It's just not worth getting invested in to people who are on the fence. Once upon a time I would have made so many excuses for somebody. He's busy. His family are here. He doesn't want to be too keen.

I find the terms helpful. It just labels a behaviour to look out for. Better off having your wits about you imo.

I'm not shocked - I don't know what it is...

I just think that you can recognise unacceptable behaviour without having to put a label on it and have an excuse for the drama. And I say that as the biggest cynic about relationships. Sometimes people need to get a grip and realise that all these labels takes the impact away from actual abusive behaviour

That wasn't the first time we spoke lovepgtips we been speaking every night for couple of weeks... didn't get vibe anything was wrong n received goodnight text

Anyway I'm over it now so you can all get off your soap boxes

no harm in a funny label imo. Especially if it helps you identify the behaviour/lack of interest sooner. I think the labels help me. Pierces my denial. I have a tendency to believe the best in people all the time even when it's at my own expense.

I know posters weren't referring to me, I wasn't "projecting too much intimacy in to one date". But it's fresh in my mind. It was good, all the signs were there that there'd be a second date. I can generally read a situation. After a date I can usually tell if somebody is taken with me. Either physically or intellectually/emotionally. So I feel like I know what he's doing! Keeping his options open. Not saying yes or no for the time being

I don't want to be anybody's grey area, so it's useful information. I'm not looking for somebody who's ambivalent about me, even if when we're together we communicate effortlessly.

Mercury That just sounds a little naive to expect someone to fall for you straightaway - but then I couldn't have a relationship with someone who I felt was a bit full on - I would disappear too!

Happened to me a couple of times. I wish people would just have the guts to poliety say no thanks. My personal suspicion is that often people are maybe talking to more than you at the same time while they decide who to go for. Anyway well done for picking your self up and getting on. Better luck next time.

I think people just cba with confrontation so they slip away quietly. Particularly if they think the other person will react badly (and Tbf the OP didn't react well although she's sorted now!)

Yes it is hard to say to somebody ''no I don't see you like that''. I've coughed up a version of it though, from time to time. I think it's kinder in the end than leaving somebody hanging wondering if they didn't have a good enough job (as one guy thought).

I agree that having to say yes or no after one date doesn't always work for me. I've met a few men in the last 18 months and they were neither hell yes nor fuck no. It was, I'd like to meet again and see. But men don't have time for that. Not on line.

I would prefer to get to know somebody a bit more before I have to decide whether or not I see them romantically or not. But that's not the way it works. Men see it differently. 'no tyre kickers'' & ''no time wasters". Although of course every first date is tyre kicking!

ps, to clarify, i have never gone on a date with any man who had ''no time wasters'' in his profile but I have seen that in men's profiles!!!
Any thing more than one date (to decide) and you're wasting their time?
If I sense that ''decide now!!!!!'' I do back off totally.

But what is breadcrumbing?? I can only think hansel and Gretel or some other Grimms fairy tale!

I only heard of it the other day (in a dating context) but I already had a name for it in my head. Simmering. We used to discuss it on the dating threads. being simmered. If both people are equally ambivalent about each other at the same time no harm done. But it hardly ever is the case.

I sort of understand ghosting. Sometimes I think it cowardice but then I have to remember not everybody is like me. For me I have broad shoulders and would just be happy to be told no thanks. But some people I guess not take rejection well. I remember one ex girlfriend basically refused to accept it had broken up with her, in fact she got very scary. So I guess maybe some people are trying to avoid an argument with someone not taking it well.

In fact it looks like I am going through a ghosting right now (another thread). It is frustrating, especially when things have been going so well. Personally I just wish people would say

Exactly 1Dad it's easy to say it behind a text surely?

I never know if it's cowardice or fearing someone not talking it well. I am a decent reasonable, well ballenced person with broad shoulders. But i get some people don't take rejection well. I suspect in most cases it cowardice which in my mind is stupid. Why would you feel guilty about letting someone you not even dating yet down? Who wants to waist anyone's time? I think it's good manners to politely tell someone you simply changed your mind.

But not everyone is comfortable doing that doe various reasons. I agree if you are in a relationship then you should have the guts to speak to your partner instead of just disappearing, but when two people aren't even in a relationship, it's a little creepy to send snotty texts if they want to quietly let things go.

I agree it's not that hard to do it by text. You just work on phrasing it kindly but not patronisingly, and then press send. You feel better afterwards.

people can go o for months, not ''labelling'' their relationship. It's still a relationship just not a certain one iyswim.

If both people are equally ambivalent about each other at the same time no harm done. But it hardly ever is the case

Meaning that if one is ambivalent and the other isn't, one is doing harm? You have to stop blaming people for not feeling how you'd like them to. Nobody owes you a certain level of interest.

A "relationship" conducted entirely over text isn't one, not really. If people want to stop texting, that is their right.

He was wrong not to send you a message saying at least "Sorry busy now. Will talk later". But the instant you sent him a message saying he was rude for reading your messages and not answering, you killed the relationship. I would run a mile if someone I was talking to said that.

Distance I said this after he ignored me for a day n this was a guy that got panicky if I didn't reply to him after 10 minutes! Just didn't weigh up for the way we had been communicating with each other for the past six weeks !

For one day. ONE DAY. You could have asked: "Is everything OK?" and, whether he replied or not, you would have had your answer. But scolding someone because they won't answer your messages - no. You don't do that.

Geez relax folks. It is not a court of law.

I am 100% fine but in the run up to meeting the man i met a few nights ago, we had a great on line rapport. The communication was fun. It was an illusion of intimacy yes but one can still miss the illusion.

Rationally i know that there is nothing wrong with me but repestedly experiencing this habit of online daters to chat before meeting as though there were something there, only for that to turn to dust after they have met you, i avoid too much chit chat now. Establish a similar soh and then dont get drawn into that easy communication. Because it is like a bubble bursting when u meet. Sometimes for me. Sometimes for them. But the illusion is 'nice' for a while and i can see why it happens.

I have a guy wants to meet me and i said ok after christmas. He is sending chatty little messages now, like mr sunday evening did too, but i'm not replying too much because it is all utterly pointless til you"ve met.

User1480, i was obviously refering to after people have met. The levels of interest are rarely equal

This last 18 months has been the biggest learning curve. Not so much learning per se, as growing able to not feel

Rationally i know that there is nothing wrong with me but repestedly experiencing this habit of online daters to chat before meeting as though there were something there, only for that to turn to dust after they have met you

I'm sure there is nothing wrong with you. Someone being all chatty and flirty and then its no thanks after they've met you is entirely normal behaviour. They are doing nothing wrong.
This is the problem with the false intimacy created by an online/text "relationship". You don't know each other, you haven't met, it's all illusion. Have fun with that illusion if you want, but people are reading far too much into it and getting waaaay over-invested.
OP; you say your Christmas is ruined because some guy you've never even met (who sounds like a bit of a tool long before this) stopped texting you for one day and you gave out to him. Do you see how ridiculous that is?

User1480, i was obviously refering to after people have met. The levels of interest are rarely equal

I know. And that is not a fault, that is not something they are doing TO you. It's just how relationships often go. It's normal.