I've been ghosted... it's made me feel so crap !

[hoolabaybee]

A guy I went to school with got in touch about 6 weeks ago and we been chatting regularly ever since. He works away but we made plans to meet when he home Sunday and also xmas weekend, he had been ringing me everyday and was acting very eager to meet me.

On Wednesday night had a long lovely phone call and then Thursday nothing, just stopped texting me...no explanation nothing.

It's really put me down in the dumps and kind of ruined xmas..sad really as we not even met

Self esteem rock bottom now..anyone else this happpened to?

You had a lucky escape. Imagine being in a relationship with this cockwomble.

What'sgoingoneh thanks for your post, made a lot of sense n appreciate advice of everyone from here. Guess it's just the ignorance of it that bugs me like Wynter said it's just common decency but not everyone thinks like that sadly.

Polly he's now named in my contacts as 'cockwomble' fabulous name thanks

Annie no I won't be letting him back in.. like I said I wasn't sure I fancied him anyway so I think it was just the attention I enjoyed

I met guys on match .com that did this. Really keen and back and forth texts so you think you're on same wavelength and then once they get the attention they disappear or start same thing with someone new.

Madness.

It's completely normal the way hoola is feeling, I think to say that she's overreacting is wrong.

Any rejection is difficult, I went on a date once with a guy & he ignored me the next day, I was still annoyed & I was right to be!

I agree. Dating today is so difficult as if too keen looks desperate, if too cool not interested.Its hard as it's so rude to ignore someone and go silent.So cowardly.

Dating today is difficult I agree but I guess years ago before mobiles etc people couldn't do this... well they could give a false number

They did. They would tell you that they would call you, you would stay in waiting for the phone to ring and you would never hear from them again. Technology has moved on but nothing else has changed.

I think the posters who are saying "this is madness, you haven't even met, it was only two days" etc are over-simplifying.

It's about expectation. The man drove the tempo of the contact by constantly texting and being overtly interested and present and this went on for six weeks. Then suddenly - it stopped dead. Her texts were read and ignored.

If within that six weeks it had been usual for there to be a couple of days without contact then it wouldnt have had the same impact. But in this context it was (and is) blindingly clear that he had dropped her. And she is understandably pissed off and disappointed.

I've had a similar experience where someone just cut me off out of the blue. Same sort of situation - had not met. It can't be anything to do with you because you've not even met. Some people are just weird.

Atrocious yes exactly right it's not him per se it's the way he did it and he never went one day without messaging me ever.

I think maybe he not as single as he made out to be honest

I've seen him on WhatsApp and fb so I know he been online but failed to answer my texts and believe me I've made it clear I'm not happy!!

How long did you wait and how did you make that clear? Maybe from his point of view is more like "I was chatting away to this woman I used to know, I had a busy day or 2 and she went nuts and sent me crazy messages"

I hardly went nuts I merely said that it was rude to ignore me and if not interested just to say so!

Well I have also been ghosted about a month ago after one year relationship. We knew each other vaguely (we are from the same town) and we got in touch again via Facebook as he is currently working on an oil rig somewhere in the Middle East.

We met once we kissed and then he was super keen until he disappeared.

This is after one year. I am just asking myself why he would do such a thing. How terribly depressing and demoralising. I know it is not me it is him but how can a man (he is 45) behave like this?

Wow that's hard going ghosted

What's wrong with these men- children?!

Yes I am terribly disappointed. I always tell myself to have low expectations but it is human nature to want to feel desired and wanted. And also after one year is quite unusual (I have read tens of articles about ghosting) but obviously I will not contact him and will just let him live his life.

Hope karma catches up with him and all people who use other people and then they discard them without a further thought.

Look. I got 'ghosted' if you can call it that after four years of a relationship, two years of which he lived with me. That stung.

Not having a text for two days (in the weeks running up to Christmas!!) and kicking off about it is irrational at best and uber controlling at worst - no breathing/thinking space for this guy was there. Honestly OP, if you switched it round and somebody reacted the way you did to him you would (hopefully) run a mile? To be that pissed off when you're not even in a relationship with somebody to me says two things,

1/ You now have formed your world around his texts. You have nothing else going on to occupy you or you've irrationally elevated a near strangers texts over your actual real life and connections and you've proved that telling him how unhappy you are about it, even though he's in no way answerable to you - Imagine what you'd be like in a relationship with this guy if you're already calling him out for not texting for 48 hours, when you're not even dating let alone a couple??!?

2/ You're insecure and that makes you controlling and angsty when you think you've been dropped. Instead of rationalising it and chilling out, you've made absolutely sure by kicking off that it's probably ended any chance of anything between you (if he's any sense, sorry) so that puts you firmly in 'control'.

Relationships develop organically, they are not about texts frequency, they're about trust and connection. You have to act like a grown woman to have a grown relationship. You are not a teenager.

this man sounds like a total nobhead, he's playing some sort of weird game that he thinks is clever but in reality he's a sad little man and he's done you a massive favour by ghosting you as you'll never have to intereact with him again op

What possible game is he playing? Apart from a/ being really busy like everyone else on the planet in the run up to Christmas or b/ not really wanting to carry on texting as it turns out.

As long as it keeps being reinforced that texting is some kind of benchmark of a healthy relationship then grown women will keep massively overreacting to stuff. So he didn't text for two days, whats the worse that can happen?? He might text for another, or 5 or 6 or a week - so then you know, he's probably not interested - great, move on, no loss etc etc.

But give people a chance?? Don't be so defensive and on guard that you write men off who could be amazing if they weren't rushed into committing to DAILY TEXTING. I mean what the actual fuck. Is there really nothing better to do than keep checking your phone to see if Matt from Tinder or whatever said "Good morning" and if not, why not!. Really? Is this what we woman have become now? How are you going to teach your daughters to be strong, self sufficient women, capable of being an equal in a relationship if you demonstrate to them being annoyed about the lack of a text from a man you've not even been out with yet….in what universe is that a balanced adult reaction?

Is it just me??

Oh it's not just you Les

Never known anything like it. Unknown man doesn't text for a day and he's being promptly ' told off' and called all manner of names whilst op hand wrings and talks about some stupid buzzword 'ghosted.' I'd understand if you'd been dating for a couple of months

He's had a lucky escape.

I think you're missing the fact that you text people if you want to. If you feel some sort of connection. When you stop texting it says a lot more than silence. It's a silence that is not hard to decipher. Never been wrong cracking the code. If a man who was texting regularly stops, then you don't have to be a bletchley park code cracker to figure it out. Which is a rejection. It is upsetting.

I'm being breadcrumbed at the moment. Met this guy a few nights ago and we got on v well, it was so easy. On line rapport actually carried over in to real life for once. But since then, I've had a linkedIn invitation and a thumbs up emoji. That's it now from me. I will just move on to the next guy. Somebody wants to meet me. The one who hasn't met me is texting me like the guy I met was doing before he met me. It's so stupid. Men get more excited about the potential. Anything real 'kills' the fantasy. And my profile photos are not ludicrously flattering.

"breadcrumbed"? Does everything have to have a fancy label now? Someone deciding to stop texting you is ghosting, someone being rude is shaming...bloody hell.

Sometimes people just text you for a bit and then decide they don't want to, y'know? And sometimes they'll chat you up online/text and then not actually be that into you when you meet IRL. This is not evil behaviour, its just what happens. It's just that you've projected much more intimicy and import in it than was intended.

What the actual fuck is 'breadcrumbed'??
Agree with user - this urge to label things is just over dramatic. If a woman had decided to back away from someone who had been texting her, and the bloke was messaging her kicking off, everyone would be saying 'when he shows you who he is, believe him' etc