Support thread for those of us having to 'co-parent' with a narc or very difficult exh thread 4

[Lilacpink40]

Hi all

Definitely 2nd option Lilac

Morning all, hope everyone is keeping well I've been quiet but lurking as SF has dropped off my radar again pretty much! Had meeting with cafcass a week or so ago, was only there for 30min as I didn't really have much to say as my boys are all old enough to say what they want and that I'm happy with what they want.
I'm 40+1wks today, huge and fed up! Last two pgs I went into labour on due date so annoying sprog hasn't 🙄 Although I just had my first proper tightening whilst typing this so fingers crossed 🤞🏻 I'm not holding my breath tho lol

I've got DD's social workers coming round in half an hour so better get dressed and make some coffee.

Good luck, Chrystal - hope sprog pops soon!

Lilac, if your ex is like mine, he'd be convinced that I was trying to pull the wool over his eyes and gain some kind of advantage by getting him to drop his solicitor. Also, him having a solicitor presumably means you get more business-communications and timely responses. All in all, I don't think you need to go out of your way to save him from himself. He's a big boy. (I say this as someone who has spent years trying to save my ex from himself).

Hope the meeting is helpful, Nat.

Hope you are all having a lovely and stress free day!
Lilac I wouldn't do him any favours, you don't owe him anything. Although I do think that's hard sometimes when there is history and DC involved and you sometimes want to 'help' the person you once loved, however badly they treat you.
Teabay I bet you are pleased to be free of him! are things any easier now or does he still get under your skin? I'm ever hopeful this won't go on forever lol..
Ex had DC for a few hours after school yesterday and when he dropped him off he 'hung about' for a bit when DS went to his bedroom I said to him please don't manipulate DS and ask him not to repeat things to me, it's not about me and you and our battle and we need to keep that side between us and away from DS. I explained calmly that he needs to understand that he can tell either of us anything that worries/frightens him at any point and shouldn't ever be told not to talk about what he has done over the day.

Meeting was helpful, they're thinking that even if ex does refuse DD's tonsil removal op that she might be needing done (going to the ENT end of the week) they would be able to override that because she's a child protection client, so that's good.

Nats cannot believe he would want to deny her having the surgery?!

I also had no idea they could override decisions I'd assumed if the main carer agreed that was enough, how scary.
Hope you are alright.

We have joint custody so technically I need his agreement for any big medical decisions (like surgery and whatnot), its really shitty when the other parent refuses consent just because they can.

Crystal best wishes for quick and natural birth

Nat I may have missed this but did you find out if your ex is still having psychological help?
It sounds like he needs a major intervention if he can't support your DC's medical requirements. I have got this right haven't I that he wanted an ambulance to collect you as said it was you that is mentally ill? He just sounds more and more crazy.

Thanks Nat, Bib and Emily I am withdrawing from 'helper' role and will calmly email WN's solicitor tonight. I have aldo emailed bank for help again with mortgage advice and so can show my willingness to finally end things.

As far as I know he's not getting any help at the moment, but I really really hope his local mental health care team step in soon. I think they have contacted him as he's been having a go at me for telling people he is ill.

Good luck Chrystal hope that baby comes soon!

Hello everyone. I was here for a while but disappeared off the thread. I've been getting some counselling and trying to move away from KnobHead, to stop being compliant and taking on the blame. It's an interesting journey.

Doesn't stop him being a knobhead mind.

Nat funny he thinks you shouldn't tell anyone...of course if he supported your DC you wouldn't have anything to say he is a twat .

Ohfff welcome back is he just generally being a kh or something specific?

Oh that's really cruel of him Fidelia to try and guilt trip the DC into seeing him more. Hope you're able to make it clear to them that dad shouldn't be saying things like that. Good that you've got financial things sorted though.

Fidelia a bit like reversing the triangle?
Ex is the perpetrator, DCs victims and you're the rescuer. Then you teach DCs to rescue themselves be prepared and the perpetrator can't perpetrate anything?

Yes freedom to choose is an important point to raise, none of us are 'made' to take on roles.
It's all so emotionally draining at times!

I'm a bit late now but I agree with everyone else about the 2nd option lilac. Let him work it out for himself.

You're all so right about it being hard to stop being the rescuer. Even now post-escape, even when he's still treating me terribly, I have to stop myself being helpful.

Sounds like things will be ok with the op Nat. Any news on GMB?

Hope everyone is coping, at least

Emily - I'd love to say it's all fixed following the divorce, but I'm sure others will agree that when twatface realised that I had started to mean what I said (he christened me Ice Queen from then on - at first I resented the label but now I see that it's better than MUG) he upped the grief.
He can't bear for me to 'win' whatever that looks like. My counsellor called it "losing his influence". I think most WN can't bear this, and especially not from a WOMAN !!!! 😂😂😂 Lmao!

And everytime he makes a dig, or is mean through the children, or is just bloody obtuse I am now able to smile to myself and sing in my head, "You have no influence, you have no influence!!" (a bit like King of the Castle)....
Bonkers but great fun