My partner spent all our savings

[user1481292639]

My fiancé is terrible with money. He had debts when I met him which he paid off a few years ago when he received some inheritance and I thought that would be the end of it. The rest of the inheritance bought a few luxury items, new car, some of it squandered but hey, it was his money, I couldn't really begrudge a bit of guilt free spending. We agreed to put £10,000 of it into savings to start our mortgage deposit fund. However, a few weeks ago he admitted to me that he has now spent most of the mortgage savings. He couldn't even tell me what on, it's just been pissed up the wall over the last 6 months. I've put my sensible head on and taken control of the finances now as he cannot be trusted. He's agreed that's fine as he has a problem. But I'm still so angry about it!! I'm not working at the moment (I'm at home with baby) so we have no spare money to even begin to make those savings back up. So it will be up to me to save that money myself when I return to work. Which I guess is fine, it will be my house too, I should chip in. But I'm the one now having to bail him out. I've been scrimping and saving my £40 a week housekeeping for our honeymoon fund and had to use it to pay off a payday loan he had outstanding. How would you feel about being in this situation? Would it be make or break? I love him and can't fault him as a father or partner (bar the money issues!!) so have no intention of leaving him. But anyway, what are you opinions? Sorry for long post.

I'd rain check buying a house with him even if you get the chance to. Once you have one he will see it as equity so will spend what he likes and you could end up losing it!

Do not marry him. At least, not yet.

Hang on - so you went on maternity, but you didn't sit down together and work out how long you could afford for you to be off? Or what cutbacks would need to be paid?

It doesn't sound like he was ever the type to be careful with money, and if he had access to £10k, he was going to use it to plug the gap.

What happens now the £10k has gone?

I'm probably more like him than you - I don't check my bank account very often because it makes me anxious but I do make sure I've got enough for what I need; and I don't use savings accounts to fill my current account - id move large sums somewhere inaccessible if I thought I would. I have a loose budget and an addiction to ASOS but this is on a different scale...

I'd never trust him again, anyway. He used the £10k house fund to fund your maternity leave and his bike instead; without ever mentioning that he'd moved money... he was just too lazy to protect your deposit. That says a lot about how trustworthy he'll be in future.

Even if you haven't been working spending the best part of 12k plus his wages in 6 months isn't just on "bills". The sums do not add up.

Well you can kiss goodbye to a mortgage. I don't think they look kindly on payday loans.

If you marry this man as has been said you're going to have a really shit life. No wedding or anything else until he sorts his shit out.

The settlement fee for the payday loan was only £2000 so that's all I leant him. If he kept paying monthly the interest each month it took him to pay it off would have been £8000. I didn't lend him £8000. Omg if I had that kind of money I would have blown it on a holiday for me and the kids and let him bail himself out haha.

You would be an absolute fool to marry this man.

You sould be doing all you can to extricate yourself financially.

And you're an out and out mug if you sign up for a mortgage with this fuckwit.

Oh no my lovely, please don't!
Don't pay off that PDL!
He needs to either set up a payment plan with them or better still re-eBay all his crap and sell that car he bought and pay it off.

You could spilt up tomorrow, and then where are you? Thousands of pounds down, getting no child support because he runs out of money and regretting that move every time you can't buy your child something you want to.

Never mind the money, what about trust? He spent 10k you had agreed to save - even though you have a baby to provide for - and he racked up 8k of debt behind your back. A drug or gambling addiction would be better in some ways, because at least some addicts manage to straighten themselves out. He has no such excuse - he is just a selfish twat.

You can never and should never trust him again - LTB.

I'd have left him for the payday loans. Hate debt and it's a huge red flag for me.

However the inheritance I couldn't get upset about, it was left to him not you.

Buying a house when unmarried he would have been advised to protect the deposit as he provided it. Maybe owning property wasn't high up on his list of priorities.

What was needed was an adult conversation as to losing one salary and what that meant in terms of bills and spending money. Going out to work whilst the other doesn't and not having anything left over is demoralising.

Run to the fucking hills.

RUN.

But also: how is his allowance more than yours if you're also providing for the children out of that?!

We are getting married in 5 months time...dun dun dunnnn. I must admit this has really shaken me in terms of our future plans. As previous posters have said, as it's me sorting out his finances for him, he hasn't actually learned a damn thing. I don't know if he can handle an allowance. I'm used to saving up for things I want but his mentality has always been fuck it, I want it I will buy it. But never really on large purchases. He won't spend £200 on a new freezer but he will spend £200 over the course of a week on nonsense eBay stuff from china

You've got children together but never had a conversation about finances and budgets? He's a walking nightmare, you'll never have a moment's peace while you're with him

...he is allowed £50 a week. I get £40. And if the kids need anything it comes out of my £40 a week!! Some weeks I have nothing if one of them needs school stuff or clothes

Why, if you wanted a deposit for a mortgage and to get married was the inheritance not used towards those things?

Because those things were not your partners priority is the answer.

I doubt you will ever own a home with this man and predict many arguments regarding finance.

he has a drug habit

Have you checked his credit score to see what else he's hiding. So a can't pay take it away doesn't happen to you by surprise? It's been known.

I you intend to stay with this idiot man, have all bank accounts in your name only except for one to which you transfer an agreed sum of "pocket money" for him. Don't bail him out if he gets overdrawn.

And any more payday loans - kick him into touch.

He has a child, for heaven's sake! What if his extravagance (in fact, not even extravagance - sheer fecklessness!) leads to you ending up homeless? What if he spends your housekeeping , you can't get credit because of HIS debt, and there is nothing to feed your baby? These things happen.

Don't let him anywhere near your money when you start work again. Normally I an of the opinion that whatever goes into the home belongs equally to both, but in a case like this, I will make an exception.

I suggest that you write down your arrangement - the loan you have made, and what he has agreed to pay, and both of you sign it. Then if he reneges on his debt (as he might because you are a couple, and you have bailed him out in one way or another before) you will have something that will be legally enforceable in court.

I think that you are going to ave your work cut out with him TBH. Spendthrifts find it very hard to change their ways.

Nope, your figures don't add up.

He's either a drug or gambling addict.

Go to money advice for help. You can appeal the interest in payday loan and they can ask for it to be frozen now.
When we had kids on decent wage it was hard especially on maternity pay of £100 so you have to just stop spending. This doesn't seem to have gone in.
I have a friend who was in love with her ExH. Paid off his debts. Paid them off again by selling up and moving smaller. And then a third time before they split up. When they did split up he went after pension and after her house which she lives in with kids and paid for deposit and the mortgage on!
Don't tie yourself financially to him in any way and don't marry him until you know this is under control. And even then I'd be after a legal document saying what went into house that was yours or his

I wouldn't marry this man, OP. At the moment it's still within your control but the more children you have, the more dependent you will be on him whilst you're not working... and he's not at all dependable.

I would cut my losses and leave. He will have enough on his plate just paying maintenance for the child he already has with you. Please don't be ten or twenty years further along and remembering this post and regretting that you actually married him as well.

You sound as if you will cope just fine - but you won't if you have to lug along this manchild with you. And they don't even make buggies big enough to pootle him around either.

Get out while you can.

Don't marry him , his problems will legally become yours. This is only the extent of the problem as you know it. What made him fess up to the loan and the savings? Would you have found out otherwise? How many dc do you have?

I can quite believe that it had been flittered away. My husband was very similar to this £50 here £50 there it soon mounts up, he was an eBay and amazon addict!! & lunches at work every day, it really mounts up. Now I take charge of our finances our savings are in a ns&i so it's a bit of a faff if you want to take it out, but he tries to keep to his limit, but still he goes overdrawn every month, but not as bad. It really irritates me as we have 3 DS and money is being flittered away when it could be spend on them or holidays

He can't have spent it without realising - you don't get a payday loan "without realising". At some point he realised all the money was gone but:

1. This was not enough to stop him spending

2. He decided a payday loan was a sensible way to proceed to enable his frittering. £2k is a sizeable chunk of money.

3. On some level he's decided he "needed" that loan, took it out without consulting you, and settled on that amount by some reasoning based around what his needs and wants and not those of his family.

Absolute break for me.