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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Going to the school to see my girls

662 replies

Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 13:50

DD2 and DD3 ... The school have told me that they will have to inform ex I am going because they are aware the girls have been staying with him. Despite me having the court order to say they live with me. He's not even on their bloody birth certificates !
That can't be right surely ?
If he's there I'm just going to say hi and walk off ...

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 21:50

abbsisspartacus - called the police, it's not theft because he handed it over, go to court, sure Inbetween the other cases. I shouldn't bloody have to should I ?

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Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 21:51

And then there's the £500 court fee.
All I'm saying is it's one thing after another with him. If I enjoyed drama I certainly don't need to create it there's more than enough to get my teeth into already with him

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 07/12/2016 21:51

Actually before I do leave this thread as quite frankly I'm heartbroken for your children...

Do you take ANY responsibility in any of this ?

LostMySanityCanIBorrowYours · 07/12/2016 21:55

Okay, OP, you need to take deep breaths and take some control. I know that a lot of these things feel like they are happening to you and you can't control them, but you can control how you react to them. Doing nothing but stressing and raging hasn't gotten you anywhere so far, time to change the pattern, no?

Contact a solicitor, get access to dd2 and 3. It might be better that they stay where they are for now and you see them at weekends or similar. That's your call but you need it sorting. You cannot walk away. You would never forgive yourself.

Call 101 about the car. People cannot just steal your car. Then sell it if you need cash.

Contact CAB about the debt.

Why are you suddenly in dire straits with money? I missed that bit. Why ever it is, there will be a way to deal with it, choices you can make. You can choose to wallow in self pity and let it all keep happening or you can choose to act, take control and to help yourself and your children.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 21:55

SparklyMagpie - oh I do.
What I don't do is take all the responsibility for it.
My mistakes have always been down to thinking it won't be as bad as some people told me it would. I was told to divorce him the moment I found out, nail him for the house and kids, chuck him off my visa and move on and dumbo here didn't because I thought he wouldn't stitch me and the kids up. And then there's marrying him in the first place, so that's on me too. And not leaving him in 2004 because I thought he had nobody in the world. Totally my fault.

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Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 21:59

LostMySanityCanIBorrowYours. I don't need a solicitor to see the girls, he will be in serious shit if it gets to court and he's withheld contact. I just need to bide my time and wait for them to come to me, there's no good will come of trying to force it.
Already done what I can with the car and with regards to the debt I simply cannot pay it and he should be paying it, he's working and could afford to buy is choosing not to and therefore stopping his kids having a nice home, same with the consent order. It's just not in my hands.

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Nirvanababy · 07/12/2016 22:00

sparkly I doubt she will. It's been one excuse after another.

All I see us someone blaming everyone else for their problem instead of taking ownership of their reactions. Not actions. Reactions.

Jesus, just do what's right for your kids. Get some MH help. See someone and stop blaming everyone else for your shortcomings. ffs, you seem like the eternal victim in this.
Of course you won't though, as you'll see this as another attack.
We all make sacrifices for our kids, but stop being a martyr and harping on about it.
Maybe there's a reason the kids want to be with their father? Maybe that reason is your selfish view on the situation.

Pull yourself together

LostMySanityCanIBorrowYours · 07/12/2016 22:05

He is stopping contact though, isn't he? And you are allowing that. My ex did that with my eldest. She walked out after a row. He wanted to wait for her to come to him. Three years later, he is still waiting and she is suffering serious emotional and mental health problems. Don't do that to your kids. Phone them now. You are the adult, it is up to you to do the adult thing and make the first move.

Who's name is the log book in? If it's in your name, it's your car. Get it back, get the police to help you. I don't understand why this isn't an option?

Call National Debt Helpline if CAB weren't any help over the debt. Do something to help yourself.

HoridHenryrules · 07/12/2016 22:08

If she is in debt they will reposes the car. She would be better off exchanging it you never heard it from.

SparklyMagpie · 07/12/2016 22:10

Appreciate as always you replying pissed.

I'm currently not very well and need to check on my son, so I'll catch up when I can

Please PLEASE take on board advice that has been given, I think you'd definitely benefit from some counselling of some sort, even if it was to help with making up a plan on how to deal with this situation.

At first I was angry but now I've changed to feeling sorry for you, in the sense that it's clear you need some help. Your reactions and replies are abit all over the place, and I'm not getting at you, I just worry for you and more importantly your children.

I stand by what I said earlier, use the rest of the week your ex has the children to seek help, look into CBT to help with some of your issues or use the time to contact your GP who will stick by you you and can refer you to some counselling.

I don't think you're in the right frame of mine to have your children back right now,use the time to figure out what you want and to get the support before making any drastic changes or causing drama

Everyone only wants the best for you and your children! PLEASE take it on board

wannabestressfree · 07/12/2016 22:12

You literally do not listen to anyone. You are on a one woman crusade of spite, loathing and getting one over..... your poor children are the casualties of this endeavour.
Leave them be.
Do not whittle on about putting them first. You dispose of them and want them shunted off into imaginary flats when you are jobless. Regardless of their dad's feckless attitude perhaps he is coming over as the more stable of the two of you.
What a prize.....
You will reap the rewards of the years of damage you are doing in later life,.... your poor children will suffer as adults too.
Give yourself a shake..... or a big dose of reality. Posting on here whilst at school reeks of drama.... hopefully the school have cottoned on!!!!

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 22:12

Re the police, he handed over to a woman who's now dead, I told you you couldn't make this up. Her ex husband is permanently depriving me of my property so in theory yes it is theft. But quite simply they will not act, there's been repeated conversations where they say it's a civil matter, I say no it's not and it goes round in circles. Her ex can't sell it, he can't drive it, but he won't release it or that's what I'm told at least. I'd imagine he's not keen on a conversation with my ex any more than I am. But that's where we are at and was just one of sooooooo many examples of just little un necessary things he's done to the kids and I. I'm driving around with the 4 of them stuffed into a sardine can of a morning and afternoon whilst my Q7 is in a garage !
I did make the first move today at the school and he turned up, I don't want to upset them. I will make an application to the court tomorrow though.

OP posts:
Montane50 · 07/12/2016 22:14

Actually no i don't believe a word you write. And forgive me for being thick, but if you wrote your car off, how could he have given it to his gf, and how would it be worth 40k? Cloud cuckoo land

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 22:17

Montane50 it's a different car. Maybe read what's actually written or if I've made typos that prevent it from being clear, ask rather than being a bitch. I don't need this right now.

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WordsAreWind · 07/12/2016 22:20

At this stage in this thread i think the only thing people should reply to the OP with is getting outiside help and support from the GP or Mental Health Services.

All other replies are being met with more vitriolic rants about her ExH. Engaging and digging and trying to get OP to see reason is not helping and only perpetuating this further.

Sorry to be so blunt.

HoridHenryrules · 07/12/2016 22:20

Go to Judge Rinder he will sort it out and get your car back.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 22:22

Can you do that request a certain judge ?

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Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 22:24

Just googled that, I don't think a reality tv show is my cup of tea, I'd like to be able to walk down the street, go to school, be employed again

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HoridHenryrules · 07/12/2016 22:24

He is famous I think it is a real court room. If your not camera shy you could go down that route.

How are your children this evening?

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 22:25

The DDs I've no clue. Others are fine, in bed

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Montane50 · 07/12/2016 22:26

The irony of you calling me a bitch has made me chuckle. I wont resort to name calling, but suffice to say that you wrote your car off, then got a replacement still in joint names? Nah don't get that, no doubt when you wrote it off your were blameless in that also?
Have a big glass of water, try to get some sleep and sit down with a pen and paper tomorrow and try to form a rational approach to sorting out your mess of a life.
Its christmas soon and a peaceful drama free one should be your goal.

HoridHenryrules · 07/12/2016 22:27

Don't feel embarrassed to talk to your doctor. My mum used to talk to her doctor when things got tough. You will get through this.

OohhThatsMe · 07/12/2016 22:28

I've read a few of your other threads, OP, and you really confuse me about your elder daughter. In some threads she's amazing - hardworking, quiet, focused etc. In others she's violent - she kicks her sister in the face for one example. In some threads you really hate her and wish you didn't have her living with you, whereas in others she's the light of your life.

Which is right?

HoridHenryrules · 07/12/2016 22:29

Oohh it sounds a lot like me when I was a teenager.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 22:30

Montane50 - ok I see how a missing word may have confused things.
Ex had my car, gave it to his now dead girlfriend. I had another shitty held together by dust car, that was hit and written off. I then requested my car back which in theory he wasn't apposed to, in the meantime though his girlfriend died and the car hasn't been seen since. The car should never have been given to the girlfriend, it should have also been insured. Hope that clears that up.

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