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Original poster

Going to the school to see my girls

662 replies

Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 13:50

DD2 and DD3 ... The school have told me that they will have to inform ex I am going because they are aware the girls have been staying with him. Despite me having the court order to say they live with me. He's not even on their bloody birth certificates !
That can't be right surely ?
If he's there I'm just going to say hi and walk off ...

OP posts:
CremeBrulee · 07/12/2016 19:37

There's a whole lot of interesting decision making in that last post alone OP.

Once again, please seek some professional clinical help. This level of chaotic disorder is coming from somewhere, it's not just bad luck.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 19:39

CremeBrulee it's not bad luck at all, it's me trying to make the best of things as they are thrown at me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 19:40

And a hell of a lot of what has been thrown at me has been directly from dickhead

OP posts:
BumDNC · 07/12/2016 19:42

the issue is that you don't have a parenting rope that is a certain length that you get to the end of. That's not how mothering works. It's not how life works. You don't just scrimp and scrape and sacrifice and then hold your hands up and go 'your turn' to your ex. That's where you are going wrong. You are actually supposed to fight. That's the right thing to do. You want justification to do the wrong things and no one can stop you from doing that but you have to stop trying to find ways out of your guilt. Just own it and confront it. You will feel guilty. You have made some terrible decisions. You are at risk or making more and more. You can get off the crazy train if you want to

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 19:45

BumDNC ok so I go back to court, I will win I'm 100% certain of that and DD3 is miserable. Then what ?

OP posts:
LIZS · 07/12/2016 19:47

She's 12, she will cope , with some support. You will never recover a relationship if she doesn't see you put up any resistance. She wants to know you care. Whatever she said/did it is out of angst not hate.

BumDNC · 07/12/2016 19:48

Then you put her back together. Or you get court to work something out with contact. There are options. All you can see is black and white.

ValaMalDoran · 07/12/2016 19:48

I really can't get my head around this. You are the resident parent. He isn't even on the birth certificate. You keep telling us what an abusive twat he is. A solicitor has told you to file to have them returned immediately. I assume this would be successful due to you being the resident parent, his history with the kids etc.

Yet you "won't do it" so what are you doing? Punishing them by leaving them with a dad you say gives no shits about them? You say you so desperately want to see them but you cause issues at school instead of calling the solicitor and filing to get them home already?

You need to get some serious help. I feel so sorry for these kids. They must think they have done something really horrible to be dumped on a dad they haven't even really seen in 3 years.

Get your act together, sort yourself out, make a home for those kids and get them back in it. If you really can't cope with them then make sure they are safe with someone who can for their sake.

BumDNC · 07/12/2016 19:49

You created this. She wasn't miserable until you had a steaming row with her over the most petty issue - you need help with your parenting. No one should be arguing with a 12yo over eating broccoli. You make her home somewhere she wants to be. You called him in. Now you have put her back into the mess.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 19:53

DD3 has been miserable since Feb 2013 when we split, even when he was still living in the house with us she was getting into bed with him because he was sad and had nobody where as I apparently was just fine.

OP posts:
LIZS · 07/12/2016 19:57

So you are rejecting her permanently because she sided(in your eyes) with him aged 8/9 Confused was the row really over broccoli? Or are you taking the opportunity to pay her back ? Does this not seem ott to you , if not I agree with others who suggest you need professional help to gain perspective.

BubbleGumBubble · 07/12/2016 19:59

Why the hell is a 12 yo having to emotionally support 2 adults!

Christ between the pair of you, you have done a right number on these kids.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 20:01

No the row was not about the broccoli it was about her shouting fuck you and slamming a door in my face when I told her I needed to buy some on the way to school because somebody ate what we'd bought for her cookery class. I fully expected ex would be telling her off not taking her to costa for the day .... And then telling me she was undecided about returning to my broccoli free residence hence I did in anger text him not her to bloody keep her then. Again didn't expect that to be shown to a kid. Lots of mistakes that day

OP posts:
BumDNC · 07/12/2016 20:06

My DD is a teen and can be vile. It's what teens are like sometimes. I can punish her myself I don't need her dad to do it. If I asked my DD she would love to go live somewhere stress free with Justin Bieber but she is 14yo and not competent to make her own choices quite yet, especially in an angry moment. but she's stuck with me because I am her mother. We get over the rows with me teaching her how to resolve things in an adult way

Spookle · 07/12/2016 20:07

OP I really hope that you are able to find peace and resolution somehow for both yourself and your children.

Your posts remind me of my mother's rants. Your brief description of your mother is also how mine managed us children. Please go and speak to your GP.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 20:08

I understand that and that phone is the biggest regret ... I've had numerous offers to just go and pick her up but then what I can't let her see him in case he keeps her ? I am trying to remove the drama and let her know when she calms down I'm here for her but she isn't making it easy and he is I pressume impressing the new girlfriend who must have wondered why he didn't see his kids much

OP posts:
BumDNC · 07/12/2016 20:09

So what if he is impressing the girlfriend? All you should care about is your little girl!

BumDNC · 07/12/2016 20:11

You know what I don't blame her for not making it easy. She's testing you can't you see? She's pushing you because she doesn't feel worthy. You crack and give up easily on her and she's going to end up hating you. You MUST find an adult way to do this. Seeing a solicitor is the adult way.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 20:11

That phone call I meant.
I'm not a bad parent DS is playing happily in the bath as we speak, DD1 is ploughing her way through her home work, DD2 is no trouble at all and DD3 just wants attention which no doubt she probably thought she'd be getting from dad, she will be pissed off about the girlfriend bring there lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 20:12

Do you honestly not think sitting back and waiting for them to make contact is not best ?

OP posts:
BumDNC · 07/12/2016 20:13

DD has 3 siblings to compete with and you are making her into the black sheep. Please see how damaging this is. Kids can be trouble. They test you in unimaginable ways.

LIZS · 07/12/2016 20:13

Go over that day, realise the flash points and admit them to her. Apologise. As the adult you let it get out of hand. If she didn't want to make time to buy more broccoli you shrug your shoulders and she should have just gone to school without. No drama needed and certainly no need to make her feel you don't want her at home any more. Girls her age find it very difficult to admit mistakes and say sorry, but as an adult you can and should, modelling behaviour for the future. Whether ex subsequently undermined you is not relevant and you shouldn't have given him the opportunity.

BumDNC · 07/12/2016 20:13

How is moving to Australia sitting back? It's fucking insane making all these rash threats and turning up at school. You aren't doing what you think you are!

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 20:14

I cannot have her thinking that behaviour is ok and that's what he's done rewarded that behaviour for his own fucked up agenda

OP posts:
Lelloteddy · 07/12/2016 20:15

You seriously need help OP. This chaos is damaging your children. You need to see your GP.