Feeling very hurt at being snubbed by friend, please hand hold!

[maggiethemagpie]

I've been friends with someone for about 12 years, not super close but definitely friends, I thought. She lives only up the road from me.

We both got pregnant at the same time time around 3 years ago and had little girls, so did end up spending time together on mat leave and then when I went back to work, maybe not so much but at least every few months or so. when I got married last year she played at the wedding reception, came on hen do etc.

It was her daughter's birthday last week and I've been invited to the past two parties so was surprised she didn't mention it but presumed maybe she was going away or seeing family or something.

I've just found out on facebook that she had a big party at her house (only a few miles away) and invited loads of other mums.

I'm really hurt - feel a bit betrayed actually. We're not super close friends, and sometimes I've felt like we're not as close now as in the past but I thought we were still friends and we have a lot of shared history and daughters of a similar age.

Is this her way of telling me she doesn't want to be friends do you think?

I'm feeling like curling up into a ball and shutting the world away right now.

I don't want to speak to her or see her ever again so please don't suggest I get in touch to discuss this. I've just taken her number out of my phone in a fit of pique (?) although husband still has it in his so it's more of a statement to myself than anything.

How the hell do I deal with this?

Edit: When I say lax responding to messages I don't mean taking a while to get back to me (which is understandable with busy lives) but just not responding at all!

I apologise for saying you sounded hard work earlier.

If this friendship is the problem then drop the effort. Invite her to things if you want to but expect little back, and make as much or little effort as you feel like doing with that in mind. I don't think there's anything wrong with friendships petering out but she hasn't done anything horribly nasty so it's probably wise to keep the door open. You may get on better again in years to come.

I have a very old friend who I sometimes find very painful.

The relationship was established at a time when my self esteem was not great.. and some of that landscape remains, set in concrete.

I could grumble she doesn't have the awareness to view me with contemporary eyes (ie what is before her now, not then). But when she is good she is very very good (eg she was absolutely marvellous, perfect, wonderful when I was going through cancer treatment) and I have chosen to weather her faulty preconceptions about me. Which, to be fair, say a lot more about her than about me.

Sounds to me you got established in a mold in her mind re uni days. She doesn't have the self awareness to challenge what was established a long time ago.

This is the risk you run with old friendships imo.

Mold? Mould? Not sure which but you get my drift

I have a very old friend, who, whenever I stay with her, serves me up burnt toast, with great care and lovingness, for breakfast "bcs I know you love burnt toast"

Yeah. WHEN I WAS 14.

Bless her!

I'd feel the same way OP.

This particular friend makes me feel insecure and rejected whereas other friends don't.

Well she's no friend then.

You aren't overthinking, your aren't over-reacting, you don't sound 'panicky or 'hard work' or any of the other crap that you've been accused of by some of the daft posts on this thread.

You sound understandably hurt, as I would and plenty of others would. The putting the pics up, with the 'great day with friends' strapline is just rubbing salt into the wound.

You say you've got good friends who make you feel included and comfortable, so focus on those friendships and just forget her. Invite them to your Christmas gathering and have a fun time in good company. Friendships should bring joy and positivity, not make you feel uneasy, and uncomfortable and struggling to make conversation.

Not inviting her isn't 'tit for tat'. It's just you inviting the friends you want there, and she's not one of them.

You are massively overreacting. Do you have a history of being so dramatic? maybe she's just over it.

We only invite family to our DS parties (he's 2). Inviting friends or people you just know from baby groups etc makes it awkward I've found. Small talk about parenting bores me to death. Our family parties are usually loud, brash and there's usually a good handful of drunk people around. I'd find it awkward inviting folk I don't know very well. Hope it's not just us who are like that.

People seem to do this sort of thing a lot. Some people are more fickle than others I guess. Honestly, you'll never work it out. I would forget her. Probably I would delete her from Facebook - it will stop any reminders of her.

I've often had people adding me on Facebook, then deleting me, then adding me again years later