Not So Happy Families? You're not alone

[Hissy]

'Tis the season to be jolly....

ha ha ha ha ha - ha ha ha haaaaa

Sound like you? Pull up a pew and make yourself at home here.

Our TVs and FBs are all full of Happy family stuff, and while some are excited and looking forward to it all, some others feel alone, sad and lost. Worse, some even feel anxious or full of fear as to how the hell they'll make it through.

If you're facing a less than festive season, if you can't sort out your feelings, are trying to placate the unplacatable, or just stuck in the middle of a war of inlaws, please feel free to post for a release, or perhaps a bit of advice or coping strategies.

This is your safe place to be. Even on Christmas Day if you're posting from the loo.. this thread is for you..

There are plenty of us who no have no family contact due to previous issues, or who have to manage the crisis every family gathering.

[Cuddlequeen]

I'm in

Me and dh been together since I was 16. 3 dc (10,8,7) proper happy ever after. We moved up country, dh started a college course and hanging out with a load of 18year olds. Queue months of arguments as he was out drinking every night, and last night he told me he doesn't want to keep arguing infront of the kids and it's best we just be friends. we are going to do Christmas as "normal" and then go from there. Fuck knows how tho

[Hissy]

overthehill there was a lovely post a few years back where every time her h pissed her off, our lovely MNer would go out and shake a few random cans of h beer. In the knowledge that sooner or later he'd open one and it'd soak him.

[ethelb]

Hissy, I hide FIL's bottles of wine when he has been a complete cunt, in odd places round the house, knowing he will one day find them and have a meltdown as he is a control freak like that.
It makes me feel weirdly better.

[ethelb]

Cuddlequeen. That is bloody awful. What a dick to dictate to you how you are going to behave over Christmas. How dare he.

You will stop arguing with him when he stops misbehaving, and you will act how you bloody well feel over Christmas.

[InfoFreako]

Christmas is a stressful time for many families. Media portrayals are totally unrealistic and fake. Problems start when people start believing what they see in the media (as it's very powerful).

Wishing you a relaxing (as can be) festive season!

Cheers.

[harridan50]

Have family but feel so alone. Teen daughters want to do nothing with us or out doing their own thing. Husband totally disconnected. Cant wait for it all to be over.

[ChocolateStarBiscuits]

*Drowning here with a festive(ish) name change.

Hugs to all, especially Aura - sorry for your loss.

To whomever asked up thread, the inlaws just make hard work of everything. We were told that there was booked separate accommodation and that it was booked for 2 weeks. We arrived to be told that we have to vacate the place after 4 nights (suits me) but DH feels incredibly hurt. It's clear that MIL despite many conversations about plans has paid no attention.

There has also been no attempt to cater for small child's needs e.g. we were making sandwiches for lunch at hers and had bought our own bread up - there was only unpasturised stinky sort of cheese - not really suitable for a 4yo (and lots of similar things for this visit and in the past)

We are getting on with it as best we can and will go see FIL for the extra night who immediately said we are very welcome - no questions asked!

[ethelb]

How is everyone doing today? I imagine a lot of us are travelling or have already made it to difficult family who have demanded that we visit them.

I have just finished an awful journey (3 buses two tubes and a train) to avoid spending an extra day with ILs (would have been one train yesterday).

Bracing myself for when I arrive at the house in half an hour.

[Bringon2017]

Hi everyone
Spending my first xmas alone and just found out this week I'm pregnant. Always go to my mums but can't face my sisters negativity anymore so just me this year. Proud I'm staying away but sad and hoping if I keep busy I'll be fine. First time on here and hoping by looking at your messages it will help bring Monday around quicker.

[louiseaaa]

So fed up. I have my inlaws on christmas day and staying ovrr for boxing day. Im cooking goose because mil fancied it and then my stepdaughter is decending with hubby in tow for a big meal, shes a pecatarian and told hubby when she saw him that shes soo looking forward to the salmon wellington that shes expecting. So two christmas dinners. Shes also got a samll now, born in July who we have seen three times, for her to collect presents. I feel like a service machine for dh family. They all expect waiting on and im fedup of it. I may leave the fucker as hes done nothing to back me up on trying to say that its not fair to expect me to do two big meals two days in a row. And the only present that he said that he would sort for the whole lot of us dbil, dsd, 2ds mil and fil he failed to do. Have wrapped everything. Went to London to see freinds for a quick get together and came home to the house in a pigsty, spend all day sorting that, got the decs up and hes complaining that the house doesnt look festive enough. Bloody coffee machine broke, we had plenty of time to sort on amazon, but weve just been up the retail park because again, not sorted. Ffs. And he couldnt do that by himself. Hes starting a new business that has wiped out our savings, and complains that im not supportive enough. I have a stressful paid job, do all house admin, sell neals yard, to pay for nice things like holidays and am training to be an aromatherapist, which is quite a lot. He now complains that im not doing enough on social media for his business, which i do as much as as mine and that the reason hes not making money is because of that. Hes now gone back to contracting 3 days a week so cant possibly do anything at home too. Sheesh, rant over. I know im a mug and i just biding my time. Oh and last nignt we were meant to meet his freinds for a get together but he forgot, so he blamed it on me.

[CuntyMcCuntyface]

Can I join? three days before DD's wedding very recently, my mother fell out with me because my arsehole brother wasnt invited on account of him being a homphobic racist cunt. She put the phone down on me after a very barbed comment (no wonder you have no friends) and has not spoken to me since. She and him are off to spend the Christmas period with the rest of the family. I'm happy to spend a quiet christmas here with DH and DD with my other DD and her family coming for New Year. The rest of them can go to hell

[pithivier]

I am sending 💝To you all. Mother and Stepfather died this year. Call me callous but I feel I have been released from prison. First guilt free relaxing Christmas in 60 years.

[hangingoutthewashing]

Hate Christmas , always have
I find it forced upon me even when I clearly don't celebrate it yet have no issue with others who do ( as long as they leave me alone ) previous years stayed at home but this year I've fucked off abroad out of everyone's reach !

[TheHandmaidsTale]

So not looking forward to tomorrow.
Rushing around first thing to see OH's parents and then my brother in the morning then home to start dinner. My family are coming complete with DM who will probably cry a lot about DD(who went out of his mind on drugs/became abusive/in prison)/DB(doesn't speak to her) and I'll just be like wooo Merry Christmas!

On top of that just told my dad to ring my DS (in late teens) and she didn't bother picking up because he hasn't bothered with her since August (as she didn't bother with him). Ironically my DB recently got annoyed with her due her not bothering with him and she got angry with him!

Can I just hide please?

[Blosom8]

Actually feeling good for the first time in years as I've decided I'm perfectly okay just by myself with DS. Father of DS (exh) hasn't put in the effort and has fucked off to live with new family 5 hours away. Yesterday I told him what an idiot he is as he's not seeing our ds on his birthday (today). Today ds and I had a wonderfully happy and peaceful birthday just the two of us. Very lucky to see family tomorrow but no longer buy in to the whole Christmas hype, just keep it simple. Left 2nd dh 2 years ago, never looked back, messed around by multiple men since buy hey, that's their issues and loss, not mine. Onwards and upwards to a great life with a great man in the future leaving a trail of idiots behind. ....

[ethelb]

So far this evening:

FIL took over the meal DH had planned (basically served two 'extra' courses before it that weren't planned so very little of what we had brought with us specially for this was eaten).

Started playing his music through the TV speakers when DH went to put on the TV and told us to ask him to turn it off when we 'wanted to watch something' wtf!

Told me I didn't understand films as it is a man thing.

BIL told me that I am 'weak' if I think Trump is a misogynist and silly to buy into the idea that he is.

And worst of all, had DH look blankly ahead while all this happened and just come upstairs and snap at me as I removed myself from the room after the stupid music being played over the TV incident.

Two more days

[ethelb]

Congrats on the pregnancy btw bring on, how are you feeling?

[ChocolateStarBiscuits]

Well we have survived but I'm left with a bitter taste in my mouth. So pleased to have a 2nd Christmas to look forward to at home and am resolute that next year we will stay at home and have it how we want. In fact, I think my new years resolution will be to treat MIL with the lack of interest that she seems to have in us.

Congrats on your happy news Bringon2017

[ChocolateStarBiscuits]

Hope everyone is OK?

We have had a lovely day with FIL - he's just normal...

Came and did presents, went to the park, fed everybody when and what they wanted and once DC asleep had some bubbly.

Packing up and going home after 5 days today - ready for my own bed!