Not So Happy Families? You're not alone

[Hissy]

'Tis the season to be jolly....

ha ha ha ha ha - ha ha ha haaaaa

Sound like you? Pull up a pew and make yourself at home here.

Our TVs and FBs are all full of Happy family stuff, and while some are excited and looking forward to it all, some others feel alone, sad and lost. Worse, some even feel anxious or full of fear as to how the hell they'll make it through.

If you're facing a less than festive season, if you can't sort out your feelings, are trying to placate the unplacatable, or just stuck in the middle of a war of inlaws, please feel free to post for a release, or perhaps a bit of advice or coping strategies.

This is your safe place to be. Even on Christmas Day if you're posting from the loo.. this thread is for you..

There are plenty of us who no have no family contact due to previous issues, or who have to manage the crisis every family gathering.

[citybumpkin]

Hi Hissy, thanks for your words but unfortunately time is a factor in the TTC (I'm 40). I'm trying to be positive but there is a lot to be stressed about. I know my mum will never be well again and I will eventually have to make that decision re the dog. I just feel the baby will never appear either. Doom and gloom central, I know.

[myfriendnigel]

Well I started trimming up with dd2 today who was off 'sick' (not really-she is just a bit fed up at the moment and a bit under the weather so I let her have a duvet day). Managed to get some glitter in my eye, which then swelled up hugely-one trip to a and e later and it turns out I've a deep abrasion on my eye ball-got a pirate eye patch and everything! Which serves me right for trying to embrace bloody Christmas! If I didn't laugh at this I'd actually cry-(out of my one good eye), because of course something like this would happen when I'm doing my best to try and be cheery .
December tomorrow dudes.31 days of forced jolly-ness and we're out the other side...to fortify you all.or if you'd sooner..

[RussianDolls]

Hi everyone. In one way I am looking forward to Xmas. But my mum died earlier this year and it will be the first without her. I am hoping to get through it and enjoy it with my family. But I know I will miss her.

[Hissy]

Small comfort, I'm sure city but I was 38 when I had ds, fingers crossed for you,

[Bee182814]

I'm joining because I will be spending Xmas day with PIL's who will be playing favourites and fussing over SIL's kids whilst mine get ignored so I may need a place to vent. Although in the grand scheme of things this is no big deal compared to what PP are dealing with. Sorry you're struggling with things

[citybumpkin]

Thanks again Hissy. Just holding onto the fact that surely something positive (as in happiness and test) will happen soon.

[citybumpkin]

Many for Russian. We can all but do our best and be there for ourselves and others.

[EarlGreyT]

I'm in. I bloody hate Christmas. Have a lovely mr EGT, but no family of our own.

I'm properly bitter and cynical. The whole "festive" period just brings me back to bring a small child again and my parents arguing either over the fact that mum has spent "too much" money or the fact that mum has let her hair down. Whereas the actual truth is that he's a tight fisted bastard who wouldn't know how to enjoy himself if it jumped up and bit him. God, that was 25 years ago and it's taken me a very long time to be able to summarise some of the bitterness towards my father with words.

[DrowningInPoop]

Thanks Hissy DH is fairly good at dealing with stuff but we're just going with a pragmatic approach of taking stuff DS will eat and will just cook/make that at times that suit him and muddle through the rest.

I have said that next year we're staying at home and locking the door for 3 days

Sending everyone else some strength and positive vibes!

[scaredoffallout]

Thank you Hissy for your kindness. It means a lot 💚.

[DidILeaveTheGasOn]

Annie and Russian so sorry.

Find Christmas a bit tricky. Last Christmas was pretty awful. Relationship with dh wasn't good. Still not really that good, although marginally improved. Ds (1) has been ill for a month. Hospital appt tomorrow.

[Hissy]

Hugs for everyone, there's a lot who need them!

Bee don't underestimate the evil that is favouritism! You don't have to allow her the space to do that to your dc.

Next year spend the Christmas you want to have at home.

If she wants to come she can come alone, before or after, then at least she won't be fawning over anyone else.

Children notice this stuff and it's so toxic!

[Hissy]

DidI thinking of you and ds, hope the appointment goes well and they work out how to make ds better

[Bee182814]

Yes I think that's a sensible suggestion for next year, thank you. I know i should rise above it but it does make me feel very sad for my children. My youngest is only 13 weeks and DH's family have barely glanced in her direction.

DidI - sympathise with you re relationship not being great. It all seems so much more important at Xmas doesn't it?

[Dawndonnaagain]

and I've just found out I get to spend my December birthday in court! Hurrah!
Oh well, my doing, necessary, but could have done with a different day.

[myfriendnigel]

Well hopefully it will go well Donna-then you c an celebrate that and the birthday in one go

[Dawndonnaagain]

Good idea nigel

[DrowningInPoop]

That sounds rubbish Donna

[Helloyou4]

Hello. I'm dreading this Christmas. Exdp is coupled up and I have no desire to be back with him, but feel bitter that he's moved on to happy times while I'm still very much alone.

Family can be toxic and I'm dreading seeing them on my own. Brother will have his dp with him.

I also live alone and just moved to a new ish area so feel lonely at the best of times. Just want it to be January.

[Buddahbelly]

Oh god sign me up right now for a season ticket to this thread.

Im currently trying to fit in my dad, my mum, my step dad, and in laws who all want to see ds on xmas day but who wont be in the same room as each other.

I'll be spending it with stepdad who is terminal, then onto fil who is also terminal. its also mums special birthday on xmas day so she's having a hissy fit that we wont be there - besides the fact weve spent every xmas with her apart from the ones where she took herself off with her new man and left me and dbro alone for xmas (best one yet actually we just got pissed all day, ate too much and watched crap tv) who none of us like and doesn't like children, needless to say he has little to do with ds and xmas day has always been horrendous trying to accommodate him.

Weve said for them to come on boxing day but to be honest her new husband is a nightmare to be around, any noise and he's asking for some quiet, it's always stressful but with him even more so. plus shes still not over my nans death so cries at every little thing she doesnt like and says she misses her so terribly so, when in reality its because she hasnt got her way over something else.

then onto in laws where fil hasnt moved off the couch in over 6 months and refuses to go to hospital for any pain he's in and mil copes by downing a bottle of whisky nightly whilst dp gets upset & frustrated being around them.

So yeah, some of you have it tougher, but that's pretty much my story, I wish i could go to sleep now and wake up in middle of january, cos new years is pretty shit too! And the christmas adverts can get to fuck too. Along with the stupid woman on my instagram who's only problem this year is to get her husbands present now or wait until they're jetting off on holiday skiing on xmas eve. do one love!

[Toocleverbyhalf2]

Sign me up too. Every year my depression spirals out of control with the prospect of xmas. I'm on benefits because I have health problems & it's a struggle to get through the rest of the year never mind finding money for presents etc. It's made worse by people, women actually, who are competing for the shiniest chufty badge for being 'all done' by November ffs! These tend to be school mums and I've come off facebook because it's getting on my nerves so much, and I'm talking about people in the same position as me. Where does the money come from?
It makes me feel very inadequate and I wish it was January

[DrowningInPoop]

Sending some hugs - sounds very stressful for different reasons ladies.

Make my moan sound silly x

[Cloudgazer42]

Hello everyone, thanks for the thread Hissy!
I used to love Christmas, but now with the stress of finances and losing my Mum the shine has gone a bit. It's nice to know this thread is here.. Big love to all xxxx

[theansweris42]

Thanks for this thread.
DM has spent my whole life telling me Christmas not important she doesn't "do" it then looked miffed when I said I'm not seeing her 25th. I've been seeing a lot of truth about her this year and am quietly going lower and lower contact.
DC will be with me in the morning then to exP til 27th. Not long but will miss them.
In the aft 25th I am having estranged H round!?!?
How's that happened? Feel under pressure to do it tbh. Not sure what's going on with 'us' or how I feel about him. Bah.

[MissDMeaner]

I'm in. Was looking forward to Christmas and then all shit hit fan this week. Found out my OH has been having some online ea for years. He has ceased all contact with her and is very sorry, but I don't know whether I can move on. However, no time to deal because my twat of a BIL (OH's brother), who has been controlling my lovely SIL for years, has pushed her too hard, resulting in them both hurting each other physically and the police involved. They're both bailed and not allowed to contact each other, she is living here with my deeply traumatised niece and nephew but because BIL is a shit he is threatening suicide and depression one minute, the holding onto kids past agreed contact times another, manipulating SIL into situations where he's there or contacting her. I've told her he is deliberately doing it and will threaten her with telling the police so her bail is revoked, she is at the end of her tether. I feel like I'm living in an episode of Jeremy Kyle. Thought we were a "normal" family. This time last week we were having a lovely family weekend away. I feel like I'm in a play.

I can't even deal with the fact that the person supporting me through this is OH's friend, who I have complicated feelings for. I turned to him because anyone else would judge oh and would hate him on my behalf, and until I know what I want to do, I don't want to put myself through having to deal with well meaning friends and family being hostile to him, not least because I have all my immediate family staying for Christmas. That is, if SIL has left by then. Fuck. What a mess.