OP I feel for you, nobody should be treated this way.
First things first - the tickets. 100% do not tell him what they are for. Sounds like this is not something you do regularly. So he should trust you when you say this is important and you really want him to be able to go, if you asked him to keep it free specifically. If that's not good enough and he chooses work then don't give him the opportunity to magically be available when he finds out what it is. That would hurt so much, him deeming the event more important than work, but you not.
If you and a friends would genuinely have a laugh at the event together then go, if not try and sell the tickets, ask mum or someone to babysit the kids and have a girly night or 2 away. BUT! I would suggest having the proof you had the tickets and sold them off to spend money on yourself instead. If you both use social media, cheeky snap of the tickets showing as sold (hide the important info so ppl cant steal haha) and / or a follow up picture of you having a great time at the event / or hotel etc somewhere. Just for that bit of satisfaction for yourself without being overly bitchy 
(whether he deserves it or not!).
The main issue here however is your relationship and marriage...
To be honest it sounds like he is not 'actively' abusing you (mentally), but doing it in a passive aggressive manner in the way he doesn't seem to care about your feelings / opinions / needs etc and controls every aspect of your life.
The standing you up on your birthday thing, just horrible. There would need to be a legitimate emergency for this to be deemed as ok! Assume if it was work related there was not...
The house thing - that is 100% a decision that needs to be agreed upon, at the very least discussed, between partners. I would not forgive my partner if he did this. Your DH is not better than you, he should not be allowed to control you. Even if you were not working its not fair, but the fact you had a job that you felt comfortable in and loved makes it even worse.
As others have mentioned he controls you and takes advantage of you. Someone also mentioned that he could in fact have Asperger's as well - this could be a real possibility. Signs do point to this. Maybe it is something that should be explored further, it could end up being a ways to understanding and moving forward in your marriage. And if its not the case? Well then most likely he is just a right scumbag!
Only you can make the decision of whether you want to work on the marriage or move on. But you have come here for opinions, and mine is that it should not continue how it is. He needs to make changes and if he cant then you should leave - don't let him make you feel worthless or unhappy!
Sorry for the novel, your story has just wound me up :)