DRY 16

[vxa2]

If you're quitting alcohol for a brighter sober future come and join us here. A very welcoming bunch supporting each other every step of the way.

Link to Dry 15

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2726334-Dry-15?msgid=65047780#65047780

Thank you all. I will look at SMART and buy a diary.

I've got a knitting project that's sat for eighteen months, hotel night might be a good time to resurrect it.

Hi rrrosss

The trick I find is an AA adage of one day at a time, I haven't given up booze for life, - just for today.

I attend AA, it works for me, I think it's because it's people I know who have been in the same boat as me, and aren't talking bullshit about drinking. - it's amazing when you tell people you aren't drinking how many become experts on your alcoholism, and drinking in general!

I'm glad you are here, sobriety is one of the best things you can ever do.

Here you go :) An updated version for today, with a description of what works for me. Feel free to use or ignore :)

If any one is interested, these are the blogs I find really really helpful

Belle's blog
Lucy's blog
Lily's blog
vxa2's blog
Mummy was a secret drinker blog
Jackie Elliot's The Wine Bitch blog

Other sites I love

Club Soda
Sober Sassy Life
Veronica Valli
Tired of thinking about drinking

I can recommend Headspace for calming the brain chatter and also Andrew Johnson stop drinking app for, well , not drinking. You can find these as apps for Android or Apple products.

I've done lots of big chunks of sobriety before, lapsed and got straight back on it again with help of this thread, Belle, Lucy, Sober Sassy Life and lots of other sober blogs.

Now I am on Day 93 ( this time round) which is my longest continuous totally sober period for many many years. I had 8 individual lapse days this year since 16 Dec 2016 so I am actually today 362 days sober this year which is amazing for me :)

Every day I do Headspace meditation - on Day 258 now :)

In first 30 days I listened to Andrew Johnson stop drinking app several times a day and still listen to it sometimes. There are lots of different ones, Stop drinking is amazing! Some are free, some a small charge.

I still do daily sober homework - in first 30 days I listened to the Belle podcast for the day, read the Club Soda MOB daily email for the day also the Sober Sassy Playbook daily emails. I signed up these earlier in the year and every time I lapsed I re did them. Really helps me remember to self care and reflect on how I feel and my progress.

When I wake up ( hangover free!) I start my day with my Headspace meditation, read my affirmations for the day (along the lines of don't drink, keep the sober momentum going, have sober treats, love myself, I am not broken, remember to leave other people to sort out their own shit unless asked to get involved and even then think several times if I want to get involved) and write in my journal - this takes me 20 mins before I get up - so while my tea is cooling enough to drink I do this. I still write in my journal how I feel, write down all the good things about sobriety, every single day, morning and evening. Sometimes I write during the day as well.

I am doing Belles 100 day challenge at the moment so I have a daily sober podcast to listen to, which I tend to leave until the evening so if I feel a wobble I can use it then. Also there are free one minute messages and a motivational email a day from Belle which are wonderful - . If you pay, you get extra support from Belle but there is a lot free - I actually went to a meet up with her and other sober friends in London last month which was excellent :)

I also have a blog which I don't update as much as I should :)

This may sound a lot of work but I know from previous experience that if I let the sober treats and self care and meditation and reading and thinking about why and what I am doing drop off then I start to drift into pre-lapse, then I risk lapsing. I don't want to do that, ever again.

I also remind myself that if I lapse I have to do Day 1 etc all over again (shudders) AND what ever it is that is making me want to drink would be so much worse if I were drunk or hungover, as well.

I have been through the worst ever stress of my adult life this week - This time last year was really dreadful and I did not drink. I have faced the worst year of my adult life and (apart from those lapses - which I regret but I learned from) I have not drunk alcohol. I honestly believe it is because of the work I put in to staying sober.

Hope all this helps !

Oops that was a bit long - sorry!

It was perfect !!

Why thank you vxa
(Bows)
I just posted it on the blog as well :)

OOPS!
I SHOULD READ BEFORE I POST!

I had 8 individual lapse days this year since 16 Dec 2015 so I am actually today 362 days sober this year which is amazing for me :)

That's a great list Sarah

My best friend is getting married on Friday so I told her that I won't be drinking and why. I thought it would be harder but I think I was just relieved to talk to someone other than DH. I had a think about how it would pan out if I was still drinking. I'd probably be 2 glasses of wine down before the ceremony. Then there'd be a glass or two of fizz during the photos then chugging more wine during the meal. By the evening reception I'd be shit faced, neglecting the kids but still drinking. I'd forget the last few hours of the wedding, have a terrible sleep, wake up with an anxiety attack and start drinking as soon as possible to be able to face the journey home. Given that it will be Christmas Eve I'd celebrate myself senseless again and wake up on Christmas day with a hangover and a licence to get plastered. It'd be a three day bender, it would be shit for everyone. Oh and I'd still be drinking boxing day just to keep myself on an even keel. That's why I can't drink any more.

Rrross - that sounds familiar...

Now sober, I always try (though often fail) to approach things like weddings, work xmas parties, etc with the attitude 'What can I give to this occasion?' as opposed to 'What can I get out of this occasion' ?
The 'get' means how can I maximise my enjoyment and/or minimise my discomfort. and would usually involve me getting off my head, i.e. me putting myself first.

I'm a few days sober, and what you said about waking up with an anxiety attack brought it all back. That horrid, wretched feeling, full of dread, bewilderment, and me being really hard on myself. The opposite of good living.

Good luck with the wedding.

Rrross it's great that you have told your friend that you won't be drinking. I would say that this is a time when you need to plan, plan, plan. So decide
what you are going to drink and a back up if that's not on offer
What you are going to say when you are offered one and what you will say if/when someone suggests you have just one - I would practice saying this out loud because then when you have to do it for real, it won't be the first time.
When you are going to leave
an escape route if you need a breather or if you need to leave earlier than you had thought - kids can be helpful with this !!

Also plan what you are going to do on Saturday morning when you wake up clearheaded and bright. A sober treat will definitely be in order!

Play the tape forward and visualise/write down how you will feel the next day if you decided to drink. Ashamed,disappointed, guilty, angry, anxious,depressed and hungover as a few examples ! If you write it down take it with you as a reminder.

Have you shared with anyone other than your friend. I think you need some support irl on the day and obviously she is going to be busy. Does your partner/husband know ??

Sorry for the length of this. With plenty of planning you can do this xx

This post from Lily's blog is really helpful:

alcoholfree2016.com/2016/12/17/christmas-parties/

Xx

rrross reading your post gave me that gnawing pit of anxiety in my stomach! My disgraceful antisocial behaviour at weddings of very close friends in 2014 and 2015 are uncomfortable memories I draw on often when I'm tempted to drink again. Sober weddings are SO much more fun and special. Massive well done for planning ahead and telling your friend. You sound very self aware

neutrogena I love your thought process of 'what can i give to this', it has really struck a chord. I will be asking myself that question over the next fortnight as I face Christmas and new year. I am REALLY looking forward to enjoying every festive moment to the full rather than through a wine fog. Start of day 32 here. That's one whole month done!!

'What can I give to this occasion?' as opposed to 'What can I get out of this occasion' ?

That is brilliant. We should all live by that.

VXA I will play the tape forward. It reminds me of a hypnotherapy technique, which may be something to consider in the new year. I'll be taking my sober diary so I can keep it with me and have a look. DH knows that I'm not drinking and he'll make sure I stick to the tonic water.

My disgraceful antisocial behaviour at weddings I'm dying a bit inside thinking of some of the more colourful wedding incidents. Congratulations on getting past a whole month.

I'm going to take the children out today. In the morning in my car (which I didn't drive for a fortnight after we bought it because I wasn't sober enough) like one of those good parents. And since I'm 3 weeks sober today I get to buy a treat!

Rrross the 3 (4) day Wedding/ Christmas bender that you've described would have been me last year ..... except you missed off falling off the table, falling down the stairs, banging my head, damaging my shoulder ......
You've got this lady, I really think you have. I'm impressed that you've been so honest with your friend, that's what I would have done and that's why I think you will succeed.
I can't wait to see your joyful, anxiety free posts this weekend. That's of course if you have time because Vxa is right, make sure you plan something for Sat morning that you couldn't/wouldn't have done hungover. Something really simple. I stand by the advice I always give, find something that you want to do more than you want to drink. For me, that means actually being able to do whatever I want on a Sunday, be that cycling, running, walking or even doing nothing but with a clear, anxiety free, palpitation free head and body. Welcome back to the world girl, life begins!!!!

Neutrogena that has got to be one of the best pieces of "advice for life" that I've ever seen. Where did that come from?? If it's one of your own, you need to post more.
Post more anyway please xx

Sobersarah what a fantastic post , just perfect.

KOKO everybody, we're doing good.

Lou hope you're ok and have put last week where it belongs ..... in the past

Morning All,

Day 24 here, but also feeling the impending 'festivities' a little....

Christmas at parents should be OK, once they realise it's not happening (drinking) they hopefully will leave it be... Not going to worry them with the full story, but have already laid some ground works, and with sister too... Lots of designated driving!! And if push absolutely come to shove, and it won't, I am the barman at home so will pour myself a gin free gin and tonic - noone would be any the wiser... But want to do this, want to stay off the booze, and don't really want to have to sneak around it...

Next biggie is a 10 day holiday abroad where drinking is a low level, but all day affair starting before breakfast... It with some foreign friends so i can't even explain as I don't speak the language (they speak english), so my friend who knows them, and does speak the language and is going to explain.... I asked what she might say and she said' the truth, that you think you have a problem with alcohol and are not drinking' It felt a little brutal to hear it out loud, to hear the bare truth....But it is the truth, and I do have a problem...

Reading others stories on hear remind me of that morning after horribleness - the check of the phone to see what i have texted, or who i have missed... Also reading 'The Girl on the Train' currently, and that's too close to the bone too - although not finished it yet (no spoilers please). But that feeling of having huge gaps in my conscious memory, the self loathing - I don't want that any more... I am BGJ42, and I DON'T WANT THIS ANY MORE......... I feel a little better now!!

So hot chocolate in place of gluwine, fizzy water in place of fizzy wine and ever onwards...

Thanks for listening - I am tired, to my bones, so know I am feeling a little wobbly emotionally... But wine won't help it!!

Koko all of us lovely sober warriors xxx

Hello. And goodbye... I'm leaving the thread but thank you everybody for your amazing support. I have managed to have just one drink on three separate evenings recently (with plenty of AF days in between). I have no desire to drink more than that or get drunk. This isn't the place for me anymore but I am very grateful for the support I've received in being dry for 3.5 months and breaking the cycle of destructive behaviour. Wishing you all a merry Christmas and a bright future x

Gotta, wishing you all the very best for Christmas and the New Year ..... so much good luck to you for your future

Thank you for the shout out guys.

waves to the old faces and the new...

Sorry I haven't been here - just very buy, and writing the blog has provided me with an outlet - ( www.alcoholfree2016.com)

I will try to be here more to offer some support to new sober people, as this thread was such a fantastic support to me. Today is day 286...

I wanted to let you know that I'm going to be on Radio 5 live next Thursday (29th) between 11 and 11.30 talking about being sober at Christmas... ( with others) ... eeekkk

you can listen live or catch up on the Radio iplayer afterwards... hopefully I wont make too much of a tit of myself !

At work now, so just a quick post, but I am so so much happier than a year ago, and I honestly believe my life is now, at last, on the right track

Lily xxx

Likeahurricane, thanks for asking after me I am going to put this thread on hold for a week or so as I don't want to sabotage anyone elses efforts by keep mentioning my slip ups. Things not going so great for me and I am dabbling a bit too much which I knew I would do over this period. I am not going to beat myself up too much over it and I am incredibly proud of what I achieved leading up to this week I have the impetus and desire to get straight back into it in the New Year and I might actually do this week completely Dry - who knows!

Gotta - great news my love, sorry to see you go, we will miss you but pleased to hear things are in control for you X

Lou take care and please remember to speak really nicely and kindly to yourself.... and carry on with your self care tools too if you can.

You should be proud of what you've achieved, you've done brilliantly X

Hi, can I join in? It's day 2 today for me. I've been off the rails with the Holiday season and I'm so worried for my health I've just got to stop. My body just can't take it. Just got to stay strong through the next couple of weeks. Once I'm passed new year it will be back to work and out of the party zone.

Welcome moaning you will get leads of support here. Glad you found us. Do you want to say anymore about where you're at right now ?

Loads not leads !!

Thanks vxa2
I've had a reasonable grip of my drinking since I became a mum 8 /9 years ago. Before that I would be out on the town as often as possible, always drinking to excess, having a 'great time'.
I was amazed how easily I gave it up as it was always a worry in the back of my mind.

Most of the time I keep on top of it. Lately I just let go, concert night followed by party night followed by dinner guests followed by night out with DH. I drink to dangerous levels. As many drinks as I can - I think I drank 3 bottles of wine at a dinner party last week. DH has been looking after the kids.
I am stopping.