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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need some clarity. Been smacked in the face

149 replies

Ineedsomeclaret · 16/11/2016 13:30

Boyfriend just made my lip bleed by smacking me in the face because my printer didn't work. I'm sat in the bath, he's left my place.

He's under a lot of stress and this tipped him over the edge, he could see I was upset but shouted at me saying I should've known that it wasn't working.

I'm just so fucking confused now, thinking I should have helped with that more. What the fuck?

OP posts:
Rainbowshine · 16/11/2016 18:27

He didn't quite believe what was happening and the severity of it?

That tells me that it is vital that you take photos (get your friend to take some too) and definitely report both incidents when he assaulted you to the police.

This man doesn't seem to even acknowledge that he has been violent. Keep your distance from him, no contact with him and be wary of contact with his family too.

Can your friend help you report it?

Bluntness100 · 16/11/2016 18:33

Yes, report to the police, uou may be glad uou did some day,

do uou know what surprises, me, I thought genuinely these chicken shit men who beat up their partners, did so after the wedding or babies, when the woman would find it hard to get away. I didn't realise they actually started when uou were just dating, and nicked uour bank card right after.

Op, reporting it to the police doesn't just protect uou, he will find another woman and he will smack her about too, so having a record for it will help. Please believe us you aren't the first and uou won't be the last woman he smacks in the face. And the odds are overwhelming that the woman who one day repeatedly takes it from him will be hurt very very badly indeed at some point.

YeOldMa · 16/11/2016 18:44

Please do help yourself by reporting to the police. I spent 10 years in a violent, abusive relationship blaming myself for being hit, being talked round every time I left and having a miserable life. I saw a solicitor in the end and got an emergency order granting me a power of arrest and an injunction. Even those didn't help much and after 2 years of being terrorised, I insisted that the police take action. They did and he left me alone after that. I think all the time he thought he could get away with it, he would make my life a misery. 25 years on, I can't believe I ever let anybody treat me like that and I bitterly regret the 10 years he made our lives a misery. Please don't make the same mistake, it never gets better, it only gets worse.

Ineedsomeclaret · 16/11/2016 18:45

Trust me, I will be taking this further. Told his family and they're not even surprised but so so supportive. For now I'm safe here with my friends, they won't let me not being this fool into account either. I will go tomorrow morning, right now I'm a bit exhausted to be fair. Talk about a weird bloody day

OP posts:
Backhometothenorth · 16/11/2016 18:49

Well done FlowersStar

HeavenlyEyes · 16/11/2016 19:02

good for you - and if you need a doc to check you are ok do that tomorrow too? You deserve to be looked after properly now and protected from that monster. Look at the Freedom Programme too - you can even do it online.

2kids2dogsnosense · 16/11/2016 19:08

So glad you have supportive friends, and that you've got rid of him and got your card back.

DO NOT weaken no matter how much he cries and apologises and promises it will never, never happen again, because it will

DO go to the police and make a report while your injuries are still visible (tomorrow would be good, as it will have allowed any bruising to start to become apparent).

Remember that men like this DON'T change - if they aren't stopped it gives them confidence - they begin to think that they are untouchable and that they can treat you as badly as they want and there ill be no comeback. This is how every attack becomes more and more serious, and attacks become more and more frequent.

He may come round with flowers and choices - ignore him. Remember that an abuser isn't an abuser every minute of the day - if he was it would beast to leave him and avoid him. It is the ability to charm and be plausible coupled with unpredictability and need to control that makes him so dangerous.

He is a danger not just to you but also to other women. If you report him, you are helping yourself and the next woman, because his behaviour will been record when she goes in to the police with her injuries (and there will be a next woman - have no illusions about that).

On average, a woman in an abusive relationship leaves her partner SEVEN times before she finally realises that she MUST get away and stay away. This is your first time - bring down that average. Make it your first, and last - don't ever let him back.

2kids2dogsnosense · 16/11/2016 19:09

*be easy to leave him- not beast to leave him

Shayelle · 16/11/2016 20:19

Hugs Flowers

Mabelface · 16/11/2016 20:32

Just a quick aside - his family may be supportive now, but be wary of relying on them, he is their son after all.

hellsbellsmelons · 16/11/2016 22:51

Well done.
You've taken huge steps today.
I hope it goes well with police tomorrow.
For now. Chill and rest.
It's been some day for you.
Keep going and keep strong.

Ginkypig · 16/11/2016 23:17

I'm really pleased for you.

Remember you did this. You saved your life and your future today. Well bloody done!

Your kicking ass and taking back control I hope your proud of yourself because you should be!

teaandakitkat · 16/11/2016 23:24

You are amazing xx

AskBasil · 16/11/2016 23:24

Well done!

It's great to see when women have clarity and dump men who are nothing but a drain on their lives.

Onwards and upwards.

Flowers
Olympiathequeen · 17/11/2016 10:50

Call woman's aid. Sometime actually talking to someone in person can be be most helpful.

Yoksha · 17/11/2016 11:53

OP I hope you are feeling still as strong.

Can I please urge you to report this poor excuse of a man. Even if you don't go any further than a report. At least he'll be on record should another woman come along unsuspectingly.

Mark his cards OP, shut him down.

TheNaze73 · 17/11/2016 17:18

Well done on your actions to date. What a spineless wanker ge truly is.
I know you said you'll be taking it further but, definitely report it to the police.
I know it's too late to stop you being hit but, if it stops one other female being physically abused, it would have been well worth it.
I think you've done brilliantly Flowers

GrinchyMcGrincherson · 17/11/2016 17:24

Tell them the truth. He hit you twice in a week and you won't stand for it. Anyone who doesn't take your side is even more of an asshole than he is.

You can do this.

Msqueen33 · 17/11/2016 17:32

Well done for getting shot and yes take pictures and log with the police. If he's hit you over something as small as a printer not working I'd hate to imagine what he'd do over something major. A slap would become a punch and he could end up killing you!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/11/2016 05:19

Good work so far!
Did you get the key off him? Did you get a chain? change the locks? You still need to make sure you're secure from him.

Glad the friend and his family are being supportive - but don't rely on his family continuing to support you, they probably won't. They might, but usually they don't, they go back to their "blood".

ddrmum · 18/11/2016 06:04

His family may have been supportive BUT they were not surprised. They're hoping you'll take home back so he's ypur problem & not theirs. Well done OP ! You've saved yourself from massive problems with this man. Glad you have fab friends in rl. Good luck meeting a lovely person who deserves you. Don't forget to report him - it's more important than you know right now.

Creampastry · 18/11/2016 08:40

Never engage with this man it his family again. Write them out of your life and move in.

Creampastry · 18/11/2016 08:40

Move on....

BeccaAnn · 18/11/2016 08:41

get rid of him now! and thank yourself you have done so before it is too late!

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