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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need some clarity. Been smacked in the face

149 replies

Ineedsomeclaret · 16/11/2016 13:30

Boyfriend just made my lip bleed by smacking me in the face because my printer didn't work. I'm sat in the bath, he's left my place.

He's under a lot of stress and this tipped him over the edge, he could see I was upset but shouted at me saying I should've known that it wasn't working.

I'm just so fucking confused now, thinking I should have helped with that more. What the fuck?

OP posts:
Footyfan16 · 16/11/2016 14:25

Take this from someone who has been in your shoes - this WILL get worse.

One day he will try to strangle you and you won't be so lucky as to just be crying in the bathroom, you'll be dead.

Report it to the police and ensure he is accountable for what he has done.

Lelloteddy · 16/11/2016 14:27

Phone the police.

Goingtobeawesome · 16/11/2016 14:27

It's never just once. Call the police.

thingsthatgoflumpinthenight · 16/11/2016 14:37

Please OP call the Police and tell them you've been assaulted & that he is back at your place somewhere.

Then cancel your bank card.

You can do this Flowers

And if anybody asks why you're cancelling seeing his family later, tell them why.

viques · 16/11/2016 14:39

Your friends will take a bat to his head?

He has assaulted you , twice that you have told us. the next step is not to get his head knocked in, the next steps are to inform the police, take photographs, change the locks tell him you are finished with him, then if anyone asks why you are finished you tell them that he is no longer part of your life because he is a violent bully.

Then walk away to the high moral ground and hope that him having a police record for violence will make him realise what a dickhead he is, unlikely but a miracle could happen. But your job is done.

BitOutOfPractice · 16/11/2016 14:41

Oh OP. What a dreadful thing to happen.

I won't bother adding to the chorus of people saying this is not your fault. It is entirely the fault of your rsehole of an ex boyfriend and you should call the police.

I will say a very well done on telling us and your friend. I know that is a hard thing to do but it is the very first - and important - step on the road to getting rid of this twat Thanks

Craigie · 16/11/2016 14:41

Your boyfriend is a criminal who has physically attacked you. Call the police, kick him out or leave. Never have anything to do with him again. He will not change, he'll just get worse.

Edwardobolando · 16/11/2016 14:42

If you don't leave him now it will most definitely not stop and will get worse and worse as time goes on. Please for your own sake, get out now.

chillyogawine · 16/11/2016 14:43

I'm over 40 and in my entire life i've never been smacked by any BF or husband. His total lack of self control is worrying and its over something so minor. I would seek advice from DAV (domestic abuse section of the police). They are amazing. But in the first instance your safety is paramount, if you live with him, change the locks and make sure you have someone with you. Tell a friend. He's at fault here not you.

RepentAtLeisure · 16/11/2016 14:44

Call the bank and cancel your card. Tell them your boyfriend took it without permission in case he uses it.

And I agree. Don't fight violence with violence, the drama will keep going. Report him to the police. That will have more positive consequences, including for the next poor sod.

ClaudiaApfelstrudel · 16/11/2016 14:45

call the police OP, this abusive man needs to be stopped you are not his punch bag

2kids2dogsnosense · 16/11/2016 14:47

This will never get better.

It will certainly get worse/more frequent/ more vicious.

Go to the police, get photographs, go to A& E and get the damage documented, change the locks, get rid of him. And PRESS CHARGES.

Please don't back down on this - this isn't just for your sake, it's for the sake of the next girl he hits, and the one after that. If no-one speaks against him he will continue to bully and brutalise women, and probably any children he/they have, too.

Stop him in his tracks now.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 16/11/2016 14:49

I would also consider reporting him for assault, something tells me you wont though Sad

I have manic depression and have just come out of a mania cycle, I literally cannot have this happen to me. I'm getting straight again

can I just say, that NOT having a violent boyfriend will really help you with this OP

PickAChew · 16/11/2016 14:50

The only clarity you need is that he assaulted you because an inaimate object wasn't working and there is no feasible future for your relationship from here on.

My life is really bloody stressful, at the moment. I'm tired, in a lot of pain, one of my kids with SN is going through an extremely trying phase, our kitchen is trashed because of a burst pipe and, last week, my printer didn't work properly when I had a big pile of important stuff to print off, resulting in a lot of wasted paper and ink. Somehow it didn't occur to me that the situation would be improved my smacking someone I'm supposed to love in the face.

CoughingForWeeks · 16/11/2016 14:51

What everyone else has said: police, bank's stolen card line etc and take photos of your injuries.
Your friends will be supportive and will probably help you pack up any of his things that are at your place. Please don't be on your own at the moment and don't worry about talking it out as much as you need to. We're all on your side x

gillybeanz · 16/11/2016 14:52

Please call the Police, the fact he was your bf isn't relative. Because you happen to know your attacker doesn't make it less of a crime.
Don't let this happen to some other unsuspecting woman, stop him now.
Lots of men come under pressure and don't abuse the ones they love, there is no excuse and you deserve better.
You can't live your life worrying about when he will explode next, change your locks if he has a key and dump him by text, then block his number.

RubbishMantra · 16/11/2016 14:55

When you ring the bank to report your card lost/stolen, don't tell them your attacker boyfriend sometimes uses it. If they know you've given him your pin number, and he clears your account, that could make it trickier to get any money back.

You're sure he definitely doesn't have a key? These types of abusive men will often get one cut on the sly. Have you got a latch to flick up to lock it from the inside? And leave your key in the lock.

blueskyinmarch · 16/11/2016 15:03

I hope you are okay OP. Please call the police.

876TaylorMade · 16/11/2016 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AyeAmarok · 16/11/2016 15:07

Call the police. Tell them your boyfriend hit you and you think he's outside your property still.

Does he have a key?

BlackNo1 · 16/11/2016 15:09

Off the top of my head...

  • Call the police.

  • Report your stolen card.

  • Change the locks.

  • Pack up his things in a box or bin liner.

Get support so you are not alone (or even the one at home) when he comes to collect his things.

One small step after another. You can do it. If you don't, he will keep on using you as a punching bag. Believe me he is not your 'boyfriend' because he loves you. Act now.
'Stress' is NOT an excuse to hit and abuse.

Flowers
SENPARENT · 16/11/2016 15:11

Agree with everyone else. This is just the beginning so dump this loser now then ring the bank and report your card stolen.Then report him to the police for two assaults and theft.

Teepish · 16/11/2016 15:12

Police, then no further involvement my love. Flowers

Chinlo · 16/11/2016 15:20

If you stay with this man, things will only get worse. You 100% CAN DO BETTER and DESERVE BETTER. There are millions of men out there that are not physically abusive to their partners. Please, please end this relationship and move on.

happyinthesunshine · 16/11/2016 15:20

It's the biggest red flag. Sadly things don't change, even if he begs you and promises they will. If he's the sort to use fists because he's stressed over a printer, how on earth is he going to manage life and little ones?

You are in a better position than most. You can get the hell out of this relationship now without divorce and the hell that causes.

Please take it from one who's walked a mile in your shoes.......RUN!! NOW, and never ever look back. Text him to say simply that it's over, nothing more. Change the locks, and don't communicate with him again. Else he'll use all sorts of mind games to get back in with you.
Be strong, if you need to feel stronger in real life contact Woman's Aid today. Listen to them.
Please x