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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need some clarity. Been smacked in the face

149 replies

Ineedsomeclaret · 16/11/2016 13:30

Boyfriend just made my lip bleed by smacking me in the face because my printer didn't work. I'm sat in the bath, he's left my place.

He's under a lot of stress and this tipped him over the edge, he could see I was upset but shouted at me saying I should've known that it wasn't working.

I'm just so fucking confused now, thinking I should have helped with that more. What the fuck?

OP posts:
WatchingFromTheWings · 16/11/2016 14:00

Call police. Cancel card. Ask his brother to collect his stuff. And don't let him back in! Flowers

LetsAllEatCakes · 16/11/2016 14:00

Call the police and your bank. He's a wanker of the highest order.

Goldenhandshake · 16/11/2016 14:01

Take these steps:

  1. Call the police, you have been assaulted.
  2. Take photos of your injuries, send them to a trusted friend or family member too so they are not just in your possession.
  3. anything he has left there, place in a bin bag and leave outside the property. Do not under any circumstances let him back in.
  4. Block his number from your phone.
  5. Cancel your bank card and report it stolen.
  6. Call a friend or relative to come over and stay with your for a while, you need a hug and a friendly face.

If he tries to come back, call the police. If he is abusive, damages your property etc, call the police. Make sure they know every and any illegal move he makes.

Look after yourself, you are worth so so so much more, this is his second offence towards you, believe me there will be more if you stay in this relationship and they will escalate in their ferocity.

hellsbellsmelons · 16/11/2016 14:03

Wow - please do call the police.
You may not want to but this is DV and needs to be reported.
Tell them about the incident at the weekend as well.
At least now with Clare's law you can keep future victims of his safe and away from him, or can at least be pre-warned.

Don't lie to his family.
Just tell them he has assaulted you AGAIN and that means the relationship is over and tonight is cancelled.

When you speak to the police tell them he has also stolen your bank card.
Be brave.
Face your fears and call the police.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.
Flowers

Costacoffeeplease · 16/11/2016 14:04

Ok so now he's got assault and theft coming at him - call the police, and don't feel guilty and drop the charges in a few days

YetAnotherSpartacus · 16/11/2016 14:04

What the last two posters said. Seriously.

Elphame · 16/11/2016 14:04

No question - once he's done it once he'll do it again. I had an ex who hit me once and that was the deal breaker. I left him immediately and made sure I was never alone with him again.

You know yourself what you must do. Flowers

BoffinMum · 16/11/2016 14:05

You've done nothing wrong and I personally would report this as assault and do all the other things people have recommended on here as well. You don't need this grief in your life OP.

BoffinMum · 16/11/2016 14:06

PS I left XP after he grabbed my arm, twisted it behind my back, and dragged me across DD's bedroom. My 'crime'? Fixing a broken lock on a door so people didn't barge in on me when I was on the toilet.

Abuse is abuse.

Zaphodsotherhead · 16/11/2016 14:07

A lot of bullies and thugs rely on their victims being too worried about 'what other people will think' to speak up. Well, you are not one of those victims! You shout loud and to anyone who will listen about what he did to you - his own brother knows he's a bully, so why do you think it will come as a surprise to his relatives? He's probably smacked a few of them around too, in his time.
Stop your card, put his stuff on the step, phone the police and hold your head high. It is entirely his fault, he can't go through life hitting people like a toddler because inanimate objects don't work.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 16/11/2016 14:10

He should not be your boyfriend any longer.

Do not minimise the impact of this on you, you have been assaulted by him again. There was and is no justification for his actions towards you. You should call the police and report this assault.

His relatives need to be told that the relationship has now ended due to his repeated assaulting of you. Do not sugar coat it for anyone least of all your own self.

You need to follow the steps that Goldenhandshake laid out as well.

Losingtheplod · 16/11/2016 14:10

I'm very glad to see you don't live with him. Please call the police and report him. They can help keep you safe. Staying with him will make any mental health problems you have a million times worse. No one is going to think you are ridiculous for ending a relationship with a violent man.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 16/11/2016 14:10

The only acceptable level of abuse acceptable in a relationship is NONE.

HalfShellHero · 16/11/2016 14:11

Cant believe he has also taken your card, is it the first time? Definitely take action prepare for him to come back all sorrowful waiting for you to forgive him, stay strong!! Flowers

scotslass76 · 16/11/2016 14:12

He needs help too - if you report him, he'll hopefully get his dues and get some help.

Emmageddon · 16/11/2016 14:13

Dump him now. You deserve better than this. Tell your friends. Tell your family. Don't let this man back into your life.

NoSunNoMoon · 16/11/2016 14:15

Please call the police, OP.

Original poster
Ineedsomeclaret · 16/11/2016 14:17

His car is parked outside. He must be there somewhere, he can't get in as there are two secure doors. Fuck sake. I called my mate

OP posts:
ShowMeTheElf · 16/11/2016 14:17

Do you have anyone you could call to come over right now? A witness when he comes back to return your card/get his stuff would be a good idea.
Have you cancelled the card? He could be buying anything if he has your pin...
Do not let him back inside. Keep yourself safe.

Original poster
Ineedsomeclaret · 16/11/2016 14:17

Sorry the replies are slow. I'm chatting to certain people

OP posts:
ShowMeTheElf · 16/11/2016 14:18

cross post. Hope you are safe and mate gets there soon.

ILoveAutumnLeaves · 16/11/2016 14:19

Confused? There's NOTHING to be confused about.

Cancel your bank card.

Call the police get his violent abuse logged.

Get your locks changed - irrespective of whether you think he has a key or not & whether you rent or not. You need to feel safe in your home. If you don't have a chain get the locksmith to fit one.

Take photos of your face.

You say his family are nice, call the nicest one & tell them wha he has done, then tell them they are welcome to collect his stuff but if he comes to your house you will call the political SC.

Text him to say you have called the police & that he's to sry away from you or you'll call them again. Tell him you have spoken to x to arrange to collec his stuff.

Does he have anything of yours you need/want back? If so try to arrange with his family to get it back.

Let friends & family know you have split up because he HIT YOU & not for the first time (it's just easier to let them know it wasn't a one off as some people will try the convince you it was & he will have learnt his lesson)

None of this is nice to have to do, but it's certainly NOT confusing. Really it's not.

Look after yourself 💐

hellsbellsmelons · 16/11/2016 14:21

Call your mate is a great idea.
Getting the police round there quick sharp so he sees you are serious is an even better idea.
999 - call it!

Bluntness100 · 16/11/2016 14:22

That's good you called a friend, now call the police and cancel uour card.

We may not know uou, but I'm fairly sure everyone will keep on at you till you do, as the alternative is simply not conceivable.

paap1975 · 16/11/2016 14:23

He's an abuser. Get away and stay away. Don't be tempted to go back. He'll never change.