Online dating...... where have all the good men gone? Thread 110.

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Pringle - it's possible he was also dating someone else and just decided to go with them. Or he's dating people for ego rather than actually pursuing a relationship. Or his phone is broken.

You can't know, ever. That's why there's the rule about 'people are weird and disappear and it's not your fault'

Thanks, Bant. How are things going for you at the moment anyway?

I've texted Mr Sporadic. Onwards and upwards...

Don't cave Pringlecat - be strong! Get some more irons in the fire to distract you. Yes, brand new series (seen the Canadian and Irish episodes so far - so funny. god yes, I loath first dates too. So awkward.

Helena are you on the app or the website? I think that makes a difference.

Looby are you worried about anything in particular or just fed up with the initial meeting games?

Lilac - just took a break from dating really. Got a bit over invested with the Toyboy It helps me clear my head if I stop dating whatsoever and start again. Rebuild the confidence and that

DON'T cave pringle Re-read number 6 and 7 of the rules. Stay strong

Hello! I've been lurking on and off as I decided whether or not to try OLD. It looks like some of you are having some adventures!

I've been on 3 dates so far with different guys. All nice caps but I told the first one that there wasn't any spark and I'm not sure about the other two. Second dates with two of them this evening (not together!) and I'll make a decision after that. I'm speaking to a couple more but one of them is new today and the other seems more interested in chatting than meeting up.

Welcome to the thread thomas (thought you were a man

mrs fluff yay for you and 31 super exciting when someone on the thread gets into relationship territory from the perils of OLD. Do keep updating to give is all hope!

pringle don't cave. No Response is a response. He knows where you are and how to reach you. If he's pulled back just do the same and keep busy with new iron finding

I have my long awaited kind of second date this evening with the guy I mentioned before. We met, friend zoned and have chatted for a month. I'm not sure what is happening or what territory we are in so I'm a little nervous about what to expect and how to play it.. we're going to the cinema which isn't very date like but our chat over the last week has definitely taken a flirty turn after 3 weeks previously of general polite chit chat. I'm nervous!!
and really want to snog him

:o Nope, definitely not a man here!

hello to the new entries :-)
lastnicknamefree finger crossed for tonight - cinema ! I would love that, some time to sit together close in the dark - plenty of time to relax those nerves .... proximity. Could prove a very smart move

pringle I feel your pain, I'm in the same boat. Hung in there, distract yourself. You sound so lovely you are just going through a lot of frogs, the trend will change (I'm still waiting)

Thomas (I thought we had the first gay guy to join the thread, oh never mind :-) Really intrigued at your double dating evening. More details please. I want to try that sometime

FlighingHigh regarding my last msg, it came out wrong, it wasn't so much to "play game" with people ( which I despise to ) just a very geeky advice on how to fool the system / algorithm which takes clicks into account - yours and others - to operate. I will shut up

bant you sound sensible, maybe one day you can explain me why men change so much after sex..........

Mr Sporadic has just messaged to arrange a date for the weekend.

I still feel sad about Mr Two. Don't know if I can keep making myself emotionally vulnerable like this.

Pringle I'm not sure if I'm going to help now but it doesn't really get easier beyond date 2 as it's still new and until months have passed the uncertainty is there. I ended a relationship after 2 and a bit months around the start of Oct, just wasn't going to work out.

My date, that I've dropped all irons for, has been flakey about messaging on last two days and I'm having to do the 'get a thick skin, be the prize' talk to stop feeling concerned.

I think most of us need this thread to share the uncertainty and fears about dating. I could be about to be dropped from a height (as I do like him) or his 'being busy' reasons may pass and this works out.

I wonder statistically how many dates / years it takes on average to find an ideal man. If we knew that had a crystal ball we could all relax and date for X years and then find 'the one'.

Hope that helps

Or men looking for women, sorry not against men on here. All same same issues!

What a chatty lot we are.
I've had a bad day, I saw mr no commitment walking down the street. All my feelings for him came back. God, I miss that man. I still love him. Yes I know it's wrong. I can't help how I feel, I will always carry a flame for him.

Mr friend is still messaging me, and we talk on the phone most nights. I'm helping him find a better job. Unfortunately his hours have cut to one day a week, so visiting me is going to be difficult.

Gogogo fluff! Mr 31 is a very lucky man.

I am having lots of minor disasters in the messaging stage atm, I think i'm being hilariously funny but the blokes take me literally and don't chortle.

bant, i had a date arranged last week with a guy but postponed because I wasn't well. Have had a bit of a rethink and don't really want to rearrange- I like his bike but not him and shouldn't have agreed in the 1st place. Down thread I think you said that you would prefer a ghosting to a sympathetic sorry thanks but no thanks in certain circumstances- is this one of them or should I him to say sorry?

Evilwater Sorry to hear you've also had a shit day.

Just had a look on Coffee Meets Bagel and who wants to meet me? Why, a married ethically non-monogamous chubby guy, of course...

Pringle you have to laugh or you'd cry with your recent experience. I'm sure you're due better luck.

I had odd moment today. First time I said to a new work colleague that I'm in effect divorced (officially due moment finances through court). I look younger than age and she had misheard and thought my DCs were babies. She was really shocked, but then we had a laugh. I felt very relaxed talking about it. So dating, good and bad, has helped increase the gap from my very bad marriage.

Lilacpink40 Speaking of work, I spotted one of the young'uns from a different department on Bumble. I was half tempted to swipe right for the funsies, but then I panicked that he might show my picture to his colleagues who would certainly know me (he doesn't).

Sigh.

Feeling a bit better, but not quite up to laughing yet.

sumo I think if you're not still in touch with him then it's not worth getting back in touch to turn him down. If you are, then give a different reason. Tell him you're getting back together with an ex or something, so it's not about him, it's about you.

That's what I've done before. It's better than ghosting, but not something you can really say immediately after a first date.

boxing - I've posted on here before about 'lust tinted glasses' - I think that was the phrase. I've gone off women after sleeping with them for the first time, but that's generally because once that's out of the way, I start seeing them in a slightly less soft-focus light, and things they did that I didn't notice before suddenly become more obvious and annoying.

That's why for me I try to give it quite a few dates before going to bed with them, so I can actually work out whether I genuinely have feelings for them or if they're going to start irritating me. If the latter, I call things off before it goes too far.

As for me - well I wavered and got back in touch with my ex. Brief discussion on whatsapp, ended unsatisfactorily.

Things tailed off with the woman I had a date with a couple of weeks ago, she dropped out of contact for a few days, then got back in touch, we chatted a bit, then she disappeared again for 4 days, then got back in touch, and when I hadn't replied after a few hours she asked if everything was OK. I said (politely) that I'd given up on her as she kept disappearing. She got her back up and said she was busy with work and the kids and obviously I wasn't very patient. And now she'd arranged a sitter and she'd use her free time to meet someone else.

So I thought, good luck to the bloke. Lucky escape for me, if she's going to get angry at me for going off her when she just kept disappearing. I'm tempted to reply to her last message (from 4 days ago) and just carry on a conversation as if nothing had happened..

Other than that, I'm telling jokes to a woman from bumble - attractive and educated, but no kids. I make her laugh though, which is always nice. And another one, a head teacher, but the conversation is a bit monosyllabic and I don't know if i can be arsed continuing to make an effort.

What a day . I think this dating business is getting me down. I bumped into my Mr no commitment which has just put me in a bit of a spin. I've been thinking about him a lot this week and have drafted so many texts to him but not sent them. I so wish he didn't live nearby; makes it so much harder to move on.

I had a date today with Mr Tall. It was ok. But is ok enough? He asked for my number and wants to go for dinner but I'm not sure. I would like to feel some excitement- is that too hopeful for a first date? I've only had it once on a first date and he didn't want a second date!
I've another first date tomorrow with Mr sweary ( he swears a lot in his messages- I'm a bit hesitant about that) and another with Mr Beard on Sunday. Neither are prolific messagers so I haven't got much of a feel for either! I'm finding that irons send only a couple of messages before wanting to meet up and then once it's arranged, they go quiet. I'm all for not having weeks of messaging and getting too invested before meeting but it would be nice to get more of a feel of personality.
After Sunday I think I might have to hang up my OLD hat until after Christmas. It's just too demoralising and am getting too emotional.

Need to go and read the thread- it's been so busy

Clawdeen Mmm, yes, I might give up for Christmas soon too. I assume OLD is like house buying and it all slows down in December...

Bant, no one in their right frame of mind would find me irritating the more time they spend with me. I'm fab :-)

I totally agree with what you wrote, it applies to everybody I think. It is not exactly what I wanted to ask. Will come back to it.
Quoting from above

I wonder statistically how many dates / years it takes on average to find an ideal man. If we knew that had a crystal ball we could all relax and date for X years and then find 'the one'.

bant do you still have a soft spot for your ex? Or is it lust-for old good time sake?

Clawdeen would love a brief summary even bullet points on Mr No Comm
How long since you split?