Just been called a selfish cunt (need a vent.)

[snapyap]

I feel like an idiot coming back and saying that once again dh has called me a cunt in front of our son for a relatively small offence.

We came back into the house after being out this morning and let the dog out into the garden to have a wee. The dog stepped in some dog poo and walked it through the living room. I locked the dog outside again and I asked dh to pick up our 17mo ds to stop him stepping in it. He said 'no, he wants to clean the dog's paws first'. I say, 'leave the dog's paws and let me sort the floor out, so that ds can go back down', because he likes to be down and play and explore. I disinfect the floor, and then it occurs to me that it's lunch time and ds can go in his high chair and have lunch and that keeps him off the wet floor and frees up dh for cleaning the dog's paws. He says, 'if you bring me the high chair, I'll put him in it'. It's only a few feet away from him so I say 'no, I'm making ds' lunch so just pop him in it'. I make the lunch and bring it through and say, 'ok you can do the dogs paws now'. He then starts arguing with me saying I'd offered to do it - I am adament I didn't. He then says, 'oh you get the easy job of feeding ds then while I clean dog's paws'. I just ask him again to clean the dogs paws and ask him to pick him up so he doesn't walk poo in the house when I've just cleaned it. So he says, 'you really are a selfish cunt'. He lets the dog into the house, who still has poo all over him. He cleans the paws and then shouts, you will need to mop the whole downstairs again. (It's a small house) he's stomped off upstairs.

Is this ridiculous or what. Was I wrong?

[snapyap]

Last night in front of DC it was fucking prick and fucking idiot because I forgot to turn the child lock off so he couldn't get out of the back of the car where he was sat with ds. aaaaaaahhhhh. And then it was 'well you call me that ALL THE TIME' no. No I don't.

[VivienneWestwoodsKnickers]

If you're not prepared to leave him unless he calls you the C word again, at least keep a diary of what he calls you and when. And show it to him.

You are both minimising his behaviour and how it makes you feel.

I would not be putting up with it in your shoes.

[snapyap]

It's crazy. He swings from the most lovely man in the world to just suddenly blowing up at me! I feel like I've got things documented on these threads. I have no support to leave him as when I've spoken to my mother she thinks it'd be foolish

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

He is abusive. This from him is actually typical of the abuse cycle; he's been "nice" (and that is part of the act as well) and now he's reverted to type. The nice/nasty cycle he is showing you is a continuous one and its all part of a well worn script.

You do not need your mother in order to leave; she is neither of use nor ornament to you anyway. Her own poor attitude has played a role in you staying within this abusive relationship to date.

I also wrote this to you last time and this part still stands:-

She certainly did her bit to teach you some damaging lessons on relationships and those have stayed with you. She is perhaps partly why you have stayed because you have not got the emotional support you need from her either, she tells you "that's life" and all that other put up and shut up garbage.

Is this really what you want for your son going forward, to see his mother being abused verbally by his dad?. It will not do him any favours at all, he is turn is seeing all this and will learn from it. Being with this person for you is really akin now to death by 1000 cuts, you modify your behaviours around him to try to keep him calm.

Do you want your son to start calling you a prick and fking idiot as well; he will learn that it is ok to call you that because his dad does and you take that.

You cannot rely on your mother, Womens Aid instead can and will help you leave this man. Please call them on 0808 2000 247.

[kittybiscuits]

I only needed to read that he let the dog back in the house covered in shit and told you to clean the floors again. He is abusive. Nice/nasty that's what abusive men do. Everything you describe is classic abuser. It's really tough when friends and family don't love and support you. Your life will be so much happier when you leave him. It sounds like you are at a point when you could go, but if you don't go now, it will be more difficult to go on a practical level. Please run. Don't let this be your life x