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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice on leaving your wife (Mr popular is here!)

528 replies

jamie000 · 02/11/2016 10:55

I know this will not make me popular but I have a very odd request, which is for advice on how someone in a relationship would prefer it to end. My DW and I have been on a rocky road for at least 2 years. We have had counselling but that made things worse as we began to realise we wanted different things. But we do have a very strong bond and we're pretty good parents to one DD so we've stuck things out. In between bad times we have had great times too as we've both made an effort to make things work, but now I feel we're at another crossroads. Our DD is leaving school. To be clear, she is my step-D and I have been a good step dad. The problem is my DW is older than me (48) and although this wasn't an issue 10 years ago it sadly is now. She talks about retirement, menopause, and things that I didn't expect to have to deal with for many years. I've come to think that actually I may want kids of my own, I'm not that old, my peers are still getting married and starting families and I seem to have aged prematurely. I feel like I should be thinking about kids and the future (my career is still growing) but my life is with someone who is planning retirement and slowing down at work. On top of that she has been very critical of me of late: too much work, not enough time at home, etc. Once a week (mid week) I go to the pub and stay untill about 10. I think that is reasonable but she is lonely and wishes I took her out more. But when we do go out I really don't think we have that much in common any more (it used to be DD that drew us together) and it pains me, as she is dear to me. Basically I think I love her but not in love with her. We have spoken about splitting up before but we've decided to 1) give it another go and 2) we shouldn't do that while DD is doing gcses. I want to go but I don't know if that is just an escape route instead on knuckling down, or if I just need to put more effort in, as she would probably say. Also, I wonder if I am going through my own kind of mid-life blip as I keep thinking about 30 something women and having kids etc... which was never on my radar 5 years ago. I'm confused. I need a slap in the face and some thought provoking comments.

OP posts:
Offred · 03/11/2016 17:29

It is about HIM you see, his life.

PortiaCastis · 03/11/2016 17:39

Haven't rtft but jeez what a lot of self indulgent shite.
Im thirty something and single and just reading the OP makes me think now here's a real treasure who wants to shag a younger model while keeping creature comforts
What a catch !

jamie000 · 03/11/2016 17:43

Sounds like you're chatting me up Offred... can't wait for my reply ? ;)

OP posts:
jamie000 · 03/11/2016 17:45

There is a lot of talk on here about how absolutely awful new parenthood is. Why do you bloomin well bother then ?

OP posts:
jamie000 · 03/11/2016 17:47

@"PortiaCastis "here's a real treasure who wants to shag a younger model while keeping creature comforts"

Never said anything of the sort... you're late to the party and got the wrong end of the stick.

OP posts:
PortiaCastis · 03/11/2016 17:48

Yep I can tell shite when I read it

Stormtreader · 03/11/2016 17:49

OP: "I didn't for a millisecond think I'd get approval".
MN: "Good, because we dont approve".
OP: "Waaah, you're all mean piranhas!"

VanillaSugarCandyCanes · 03/11/2016 17:51

Jamie I thought this thread was dead and you weren't going to post on it anymore?

Wow, you're the OP who just keeps on giving and relishing in the attention

Here is a poem that I composed earlier - some other people may recognise it....

VanillaSugarCandyCanes · 03/11/2016 17:51

coughs

Offred · 03/11/2016 17:51

Well TBH I am in your desired age range, and obviously what woman of my age wouldn't jump at the chance to be with an older man, given the genes and all that, but I doubt your expectation of me as a barefoot pregnant duck-woman would pan out

Offred · 03/11/2016 17:54

There is a lot of talk on here about how absolutely awful new parenthood is. Why do you bloomin well bother then ?

Erm... because normal emotionally healthy adults are prepared to sacrifice for their children and therefore find it rewarding. If you are not prepared to sacrifice there is literally nothing you will find rewarding about it, you will absolutely hate and resent everything about it and most likely the mother of the child too.

VanillaSugarCandyCanes · 03/11/2016 17:55

This reply has been deleted

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VanillaSugarCandyCanes · 03/11/2016 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Offred · 03/11/2016 17:58

Oh man! No! I completely approve of you leaving your wife! I absolutely approve of that! Just don't approve of you... which is why I approve of you leaving your wife... Grin

JessShouldHaveBeenAPiranha · 03/11/2016 18:00

vanilla. And people rave about TS Eliot - dunderheads!

I don't think Jamie has ever had this much female attention in his life. Bless!

Offred · 03/11/2016 18:01

I am now hearing 'you're a cunt, you're a cunt, you're a big fat cunt...' to the tune of

AcrossthePond55 · 03/11/2016 18:03

Perhaps this is how OP visualizes us? Because if we're the Piranha, that makes him a headless Mackerel. And I'm good with that!

JessShouldHaveBeenAPiranha · 03/11/2016 18:05

Offred. You're in there! Tempted to start another thread but I think MsCastis and MsSugar will gently remind me never to attempt that sort of disastrous car crash attempt at humour again! (cringe)

Offred · 03/11/2016 18:06

Oh wow! I forgot! I actually own a real piranha... it was given to me as a gift by an older woman...

Advice on leaving your wife (Mr popular is here!)
PortiaCastis · 03/11/2016 18:09

Jess Guess what my violent abusive exs name is?

JessShouldHaveBeenAPiranha · 03/11/2016 18:11

portia Did it begin with a Jay? Ooops, no, that's mine....I meant J?

PortiaCastis · 03/11/2016 18:13

James John he liked to be known as JJ but I call him bastard

JessShouldHaveBeenAPiranha · 03/11/2016 18:14

offred. Can I pinch that for my profile picture?

Offred · 03/11/2016 18:14

Absolutely!!!

VanillaSugarCandyCanes · 03/11/2016 18:15

offred NOW you've offended Jamie because he will be the first to say that he isn't fat.

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