Advice on leaving your wife (Mr popular is here!)

[jamie000]

I know this will not make me popular but I have a very odd request, which is for advice on how someone in a relationship would prefer it to end. My DW and I have been on a rocky road for at least 2 years. We have had counselling but that made things worse as we began to realise we wanted different things. But we do have a very strong bond and we're pretty good parents to one DD so we've stuck things out. In between bad times we have had great times too as we've both made an effort to make things work, but now I feel we're at another crossroads. Our DD is leaving school. To be clear, she is my step-D and I have been a good step dad. The problem is my DW is older than me (48) and although this wasn't an issue 10 years ago it sadly is now. She talks about retirement, menopause, and things that I didn't expect to have to deal with for many years. I've come to think that actually I may want kids of my own, I'm not that old, my peers are still getting married and starting families and I seem to have aged prematurely. I feel like I should be thinking about kids and the future (my career is still growing) but my life is with someone who is planning retirement and slowing down at work. On top of that she has been very critical of me of late: too much work, not enough time at home, etc. Once a week (mid week) I go to the pub and stay untill about 10. I think that is reasonable but she is lonely and wishes I took her out more. But when we do go out I really don't think we have that much in common any more (it used to be DD that drew us together) and it pains me, as she is dear to me. Basically I think I love her but not in love with her. We have spoken about splitting up before but we've decided to 1) give it another go and 2) we shouldn't do that while DD is doing gcses. I want to go but I don't know if that is just an escape route instead on knuckling down, or if I just need to put more effort in, as she would probably say. Also, I wonder if I am going through my own kind of mid-life blip as I keep thinking about 30 something women and having kids etc... which was never on my radar 5 years ago. I'm confused. I need a slap in the face and some thought provoking comments.

This thread just gets weirder and weirder....

ducks tend to be friendly and inquisitive

Yes, they do, don't they? Lovely creatures. My favourites are the Harelequins. Apparently, bread is bad for them, though.

Huh?

After a forceps delivery last year sex has been the last thing on my mind. My libido has walked out the door.

I see myself as more of a platypus.

manu. Now they are a little strange.... mammals with beaks? Weird!

And swivel eyes

Quack quack.

I don't know how to make a piranha noise

Offred "People who choose to justify their misogyny..."

Blimey.
I think I started out by saying I thought I might be pining to have kids of my own and though I care about my wife we don't have much in common and argue a lot.

@JessShouldHaveBeenAPiranha Apparently, bread is bad for them, though.

Oh? Well I have learnt something after all. I wouldn't want to harm the poor ducks. Thanks.

She might be like that because of the menopause. My quite mum suddenly turned into a different person. If she weren't like that before then it could be the menopause making her irritable. Read up about it you may feel differently when you understand.

OP really....

I like that picture it's so cute.

Yes, and then ppl pointed out that was bullshit because;

• you say you think only younger women are good enough to be with you. You have started behaving inappropriately with your younger secretary. You clearly don't really believe it is 'in men's genes' because you married a significantly older woman. It is a recent change and is also bullshit pseudo science crap.

• your 'desire to have kids' is clearly entirely superficial given you have made statements inconsistent with a. Understanding what parenting is about and b. Said you just wanted to 'move on' having 'done a good job' with the child you are currently raising who you resent paying for because she is 'another man's child'.

• you could have had a 'real' child with your wife but didn't.

jamie

Do you enjoy flagellation from women? I ask because you keep flouncing off, and then returning for more.

There are services that will provide this entertainment, albeit at a cost. Just a thought

Ha, I must look into that.

Jess - no he is just a classic Mr Nice type misogynist.

This thread was designed to be goady. He is using it to bolster his misogyny in order to get up the courage to dump his current family in order to return to perpetual teenagehood or justify predating on a younger woman who he thinks will be more likely to pander to him...

IMO

See my bet is his current wife used to be quite grateful that he would 'take her on' 'much older and with a child too'! Now she is heading towards independence and reaching a stage in her life where it is not all about how great he is WHAP she is not attractive anymore...

Bet all his friends thought he was such a great guy... yadda yadda... taking on all that responsibility at a young age... yadda yadda...

It's his posts as the thread goes on that have portrayed his true nature IMO.

Jamie you are so infuriatingly annoying.
If I were your poor wife, I'd be counting my lucky stars you were looking to knob your secretary and are 'thinking' about leaving!!

OP, let me give you a bit of advice from an 'older woman'. Although I expect that since I'm outside your 'target demographics' my opinion means naught and you'll peg me as 'older and envious' of young women. You're well on your way to becoming 'that dirty old man'.

DH and I have a friend, about 15 years older than you, divorced since he was about (IIRC) 40. His 'target age' for women after the divorce was 18-25ish and he didn't have much success with that even though by your standards he was 'young'. Now that he's 60, that age range is 18-40. He's become 'that dirty old man' who tries to get with attractive young women. He's pathetic. You can see them roll their eyes after they politely shut him down. We (his friends) are embarrassed for him. He just doesn't 'get it'. I don't think you do either.

Fine, you don't love your wife anymore for your own (what I consider) shallow reasons. Don't try to justify it by complaining about her age. And don't try to justify your desire for a younger woman by blaming it on 'male genes desire younger women' bollocks. It's not a biological imperative, it's a conscious choice. Older women find younger, fit men attractive too. But we don't use it as an excuse to cheat or end our marriages.

Leaving a relationship "nicely" when you have DC (even step DC) isn't exactly rocket science. You end it without saying mean things to your partner, be fair on financial and practical stuff, and move out.

Try very hard indeed to see SDC regularly and do things for them etc.

And don't, for a respectful amount of time, start a new relationship, including "just friendship" (involving spending loads of time together, sharing confidences, or chat about your relationship with your partner) with OM/OW.

Jamie - is that enough have you remembered now that obviously older women are all geese and piranhas? Throw in a 'bitter' or a 'spinster' for good measure? You gonna toddle off and try and get yourself a nice 28 year old duck now feeling 'it is only the natural order of things who am I to go against my genes'?

Oh I forgot 'menopausal'!!!

Does the OP know that for the first year of new motherhood, most women tend to go off sex and look like tramps because we're all so fcking knackered????

NB most - not all.

He doesn't need to know because it will be all terribly bewildering for him why his shiney new toy isn't quite so shiny anymore... he won't be able to help it that he is unhappy with that... and really not thinking things through before you do them is not a crime...