Finances in 2nd relationships

[Kirsty67]

My partner and I are both mid 50's and have been together 5 years.
We both have 1 child each and both had previous long term relationships - both were over before we met.
Im still in full time employment but my partner is retired after 30 years in the police and has now gone into self employed part time consultancty work.
As time has gone on I have sold my home to move in with him and now contribute £500 per mth towards his (£360 per mth) mortgage and utilities. I also am the main contributor to holidays etc although he contributes towards spending money.
Last year he drew up a will leaving everything to his son. This will consists of a very large amount of money and the house.The executor of the will is his ex partner (the mother of his son) which I didn't agree with as they dont get on at the best of times, she has control until the son reaches 25 in 7 years time.

I have asked my partner to put a caviat in the will to say I will not be thrown out of our home should anything happen to him as this is now my home, all my furniture has now replaced much of his and I am contributing £500 towards the mortgage etc.
To cut a long story short he has said that his ex wont throw me out and he's not changing the will as Im not entitled to his money.
I explained I dont want money as I work and have my own savings but at my age I need security of knowing should anything happen to him (he's 57) that for a short term period I can stay in our home and certainly be allowed to remove all the furniture and my personal belongings.
Im too old to be taking on a mortgage in my own right should anything happen and it scares me.
I dont know his ex partner that well and I believe her interest will be for her son and not me.

Is anyone in a similar position or has this happened to anyone else?

His salary was just over that at £36k...I thought his maintenance very fair.

Fair as in he shouldnt have been complaining.....

That maintenance payment is a joke.
Unless he is also contributing toward the mortgage.
CSA works out that he should be paying £71 per week.
So £307 per month.
He's had it easy and you are letting him have it even easier right now.
Don't be a mug, please!

Eh? Why do you think you shouldn't pay rent? Everyone pays rent or mortgage. You sold your home and pocketed the money, and now want to live in his home rent free? That's not reasonable. £500 a month for a roof over your head and your bills and food is very reasonable. You must have loads left over to save. Just protect your money. Don't for example, inject a lump sum in to his mortgage. His son inherits his home & money.Your daughter inherits your money (which includes the cash from the sale of your home).

It is VERY reasonable for you to ask for a 6-12 month period, in which you can stay in his home after his death. I would not trust his ExW to give you time to relocate. She will want the money asap for her son, and she won't give a toss about your welfare.

Having ExW as the Executor is bonkers. Doesn't he have a sibling he can use instead?

HuskyLover1
I wouldnt dream of living anywhere rent free. The whole point of this conversation was should I be covering the cost of his mortgage whilst quite rightly paying my half of the utility bills.
I buy food on top. I pay my share of meals out, drinks, hotels, flights.....I buy things to maintain the home rugs,lamps,bedding. I bought wallpaper for the lounge and his sons bedroom and paid the decrator to do the jobs..

The bills should be split 50/50. The mortgage is one of those bills. If he was in rented accommodation, you would pay half the rent, without a 2nd thought. I presume you are earning a good deal of interest on the lump sum you now have in the bank, following the sale of your property. That's something he doesn't have, as he cannot sell his property. I think things as they are sound fine. I would protect your money fiercely though. Don't put any of it, in to buying a new home with him. Keep everything separate. If you're worried about buying furniture etc for the home, and losing that, I'd suggest always buying on a card and keeping the receipts. That way you can prove they were bought by you.

I presume you are earning a good deal of interest on the lump sum you now have
I doubt that very very much.
Interest rates on savings are absolutely shite at the moment!!!
This is why a lot of people are advising OP buy a property and rent it out.
She will then at least make some money on her savings.
As OP has stated, she pays more than half the mortgage and more than half of the bills.
That, in a partnership, where she gains absolutely nothing, is not OK!

Huskylover the OP is not asking to live rent free if you read her post. She is paying a lot more than half of the mortgage, bills and holidays and nights out. She moved in with her partner at his request and could now end up homeless if something happened to him because of his intention to leave everything to his son and ex wife. He is also hiding his finances from her. This is not an equal partnership as Heļsbells has said.

*Hellsbellsmelons said

Just to clarify I pay £500 straight into his bank account.
His mortgage is only £330. I should be contributing towards utilities of course I should!
I also spend a minimum of £250/£300 per mth on food/toiletries etc as well, plus I half everything when we go out for a meal or drinks..

The point of this is he is now refusing to put any amendment in his will to cover me in the case of something happening and I dont think I should be paying his mortgage as I clearly am.
Everything goes to his son with the executor being sons mum...
My life is in this house now ..he has now put me in a worrying position.

On top of this I also contribute towards the upkeep of the house.

The sale of my house is not making me anything at the moment...and the purpose of selling mine and losing my security was because I believed our future was a decision we had both agreed on.

He is in a house with a mortgage of £50k and equity of £130k or so, plus over £200k in the bank plus his pension plus his wages.

He can sell the house anytime he wants to, he was supposed to put it up for sale once mine completed but now he only wants to sell now to buy a bigger house round the corner closer to his cricket and golf clubs.

When he asked me to sell mine to live with him our plan was to buy our final home together in a location about 5/6 miles away from where he lives now. A new home and a new future together. We talked and I thought we had agreed on an older property that needed TLC...(At no time did we agree to stay where we are now.)
He wont do that now. He refuses to move away from his golf and cricket 'mates"
It was clearly never his intention all along.

Thankyou so much to you all for all your input and invaluable advice. Its very much appreciated. I'm signing off now.

Thankyou.x

I own my own house and if a DP moved in, I would not want him to pay half the mortgage in order to protect myself and my house. I would expect half of all food and utilities costs and half of all holidays, meals out etc.

I agree that you need to halve everything except the mortgage which he is responsible for. A thought too, If he had paid off his mortgage would he expect you to pay rent?

Something to bear in mind. If husband died...and assets go to the son..... What happens if son died unexpectedly. Is son married, or Is son's mother the next of kin to son. I.e. it would be possible for ex wife to inherit husband's estate via son.

My solicitor has a clause in my Will that my exh is in no way to benefit from my Will should such a situation arise.

Also a solicitor could be executor of dh Will, ex wife does not need to be involved on behalf of son.

Ive had this out with him....his son is almost 18 and she is the executor until the son is 25!
I have no idea why she is the executor, my partner has 2 sisters who could carry out this role.
Their is no love lost between my partner and his ex...They cant have a conversation about their own son without falling out.

Ive tried to explain my fears and all he said was "She wont throw you out straight away"... I replied with you'll be dead so how will you know.

For a start, you need to cut down what your ignite him towards his living costs and building up your "moving into your own place fund"

• half your "rent contribution" to £250 from £500, why should you be paying more than he pays? You are basically helping him pay off the capital and the interest of his mortgage, plus a wedge on top.
• check what the utilities are and pay your share of extra costs of you being there, and half of what is used. Just pay the extra 25% of council tax, and ignore the standing charge for utilities water, gas, electricity, phone line rental (he would have to pay all of that if he was on his own)
• let him buy his own toiletries, beer etc.
• don't pay any more for improving his home and paying trades people, let him do it, it's his asset not yours!

Give not ignite!

Oh and if you feel the need to buy appliances and furnishings, buy things you like so you can take them with you!

I'd say he doesn't want to use his savings to be mortgage free, because you're paying the mortgage for him. Hope you get things sorted OP.

Agree with ButteredToast. I'd be halving the £500 payment immediately, if he makes a fuss tell him to stuff it where the sun don't shine.

Well he's getting the mortgage paid and £200 a month which he could be saving (let's say £2,500 a year including interest). Jammy sod! While The OP is paying £6,000 a year just to live there. So he's £8,500 up!!

Have you actually read the will OP? I think he's telling you a pack of lies. He's either got a sibling or his lawyer/financial adviser as executor.

I doubt very much he's going to put the woman he 'had to pay out to' - which he's so bitter about - in charge of his money and assets.

I'd start only paying your share of the bills.
Get your own financial advice.
All the things you have bought for the house or spent on maintenance - keep a record. Anything new you buy - keep the receipts.

Keep all your paperwork secure where he can't get his hands on it - i wouldn't trust him with anything.

Find a new place and ditch him - you deserve better than this.

Believe it or not....Yes I read the will....Yes the executor is his ex partner...The will is very straight forward and done in the last 12 months....Everything to his son and no provision for me home wise..
When I started this thread I had real reason to ask for advice....Ive been worrying for weeks...and no he didnt show it to me....I knew what it was when an envelope came from his solicitor.....I just waited for my chance, then read it.....Its now no longer anywhere to be found so I guess its with his other personal papers in the safe.

OP when I read your first few sentences I thought it was me! I and my partner are also mid fifties together 5 years. He has recently retired, I still work full time plus. We both have late teens. He has, from the outset wanted me to live with him, I have been resisting the idea.
But he always maintained he would not expect me to sell my place, equally I wouldn't anyway.

The way I see it is if anything happened to me, my kids would benefit entirely, he wouldn't, so could I expect something from him? No, I expect nothing. I would never give my home up to move in with someone under any circumstances, not at this age.

Your DP appears mean and calculated though, I would question his attitude more than anything! My DP said I could move in with him, rent my place out. He would continue paying the bills (he has far more money than I) and I could help towards shopping. Now that's being looked after..

I'd be very wary of the ex wife too, he's even calculated that!

I have 2 children, dh none. It's my home and there's no mortgage we split all bills 50/50... that's food, utilities, insurance, council tax.
I tend to pay for repairs.
In the event of my death dh receives a lifetime tenancy of this house until he wishes to leave.Then it passes to my children .
Any money left is shared between them 1/5 to him and 2/5 to each child.
Dh does have a pension and his own money.
That was dh's suggestion btw

I'm sure it's been mentioned before, but this sudden 'secrecy' with his financial documents (and the will) would be very troubling to me. It seems to me that he doesn't trust you or thinks you're 'gold-digging' (which you aren't). That's no way to live and you deserve much better treatment.

You are paying rent. That is exactly what you are doing, and you could easily be left without a home.