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Original poster

Being groped in front of the children

145 replies

carrottop30 · 29/10/2016 21:51

I have reaptedly told my husband not to grope my breasts in front of our four year old daughter. Today whilst making lunch he tried to do it again and I told him not to do it in front of the children. He then cuddled me and did it anyway! I lost it big time, I have had things happen to me as a teenager so I think it was the fact I told him not to and he did it anyway that pushed me over the edge.

I took my daughter out this afternoon and came back at tea time, after she went to bed I told him I am disgusted with him as I had told him not to and then my daughter saw that he did it anyway - what does this teach our daughter about boundaries and respect?

He said I am over reacting, which didn't go down to well with me, he has now packed some stuff and left. I need to know if I am over reacting, are things that have happened to me in the past clouding my judgement.

As he left he starting muttering he made a mistake! I am not sure where he has gone so now I am worried.

I also have a son who is a baby and although he obviously doesn't know what is happening I want him to treat women with respect.

OP posts:

Firsttimer82 · 29/10/2016 22:30

My husband does this constantly, grabs my boobs or has a cuddle infant of our one year old and then when I say get off he does it again. YANBU everything you have said makes sense but men even nice men (going to get lynched for this) don't always get everything the first time. I don't know about you past but I don't think this is worth splitting up over. He could be some boundary ignoring sexist beast or he could just be a man who wanted a cuddle with his sexy wife and was playing.

Maybe he has never understood this about you, but we are always learning in marriages. I think he may have got your point now. Hopefully he is come home, will have learnt his lesson and you can have a very consensual booby cuddle. Good Luck.

RepentAtLeisure · 29/10/2016 22:30

You did the right thing. And it was better for your dd to see you stand up for yourself than to watch your dh treat you like a passive sexdoll, so don't feel guilty. When he comes back, I hope it's with a genuine apology.

TheWoodlander · 29/10/2016 22:33

You are so right OP, I would be furious if DH fondled my breasts in front of the children. It's just all wrong, you are not over-reacting.

I also hate sulkers. Just ignore it - that's the only way to deal with a sulker - act like you don't give a damn.

MistresssIggi · 29/10/2016 22:34

Firsttimer wanting a cuddle in front of dcs is not the same as wanting to touch your partner's breasts against her will.
When dh cuddles me the children will join in if they see it. Should they join in with a grope too?
This is not a new problem or a one-off for the OP.

MistresssIggi · 29/10/2016 22:34

Hopefully he is come home, will have learnt his lesson and you can have a very consensual booby cuddle
I just threw up in my mouth.

expatinscotland · 29/10/2016 22:35

'He could be some boundary ignoring sexist beast or he could just be a man who wanted a cuddle with his sexy wife and was playing. '

He was told NO and then he did it again. This is not the first time. She's told him repeatedly not to do it in front of the kids. This is not about wanting a cuddle with his 'sexy wife' and playing, this is about saying, 'Fuck you and your boundaries. I do what I want here!' He's a sulker who then turned it all on her and tried to make it out to be her fault.

Tarttlet · 29/10/2016 22:35

men even nice men (going to get lynched for this) don't always get everything the first time

Does having a penis impair cognitive functioning?

RetroImp · 29/10/2016 22:37

Oh OP, so sorry to read about what you're going through. You are deffo not overreacting. I loathe sulkers. Any man trying that shit with me would deffo be in for a long wait. They can stay gone!

Only1scoop · 29/10/2016 22:38

'Consensual Booby cuddle'
Vom

FurryLittleTwerp · 29/10/2016 22:38

Does having a penis impair cognitive functioning?

It appears that it does - not acceptable though

shrieklesoda · 29/10/2016 22:39

I would run a mile from a man who groped me, in front of children or not. Groping isn't showing affection, or being overcome by how attractive you are. Groping is an indication that a man thinks your body is his to do as he pleases with.

Firsttimer82 · 29/10/2016 22:39

Mistress He does touch my boobs and I tell him to get off and more often that not he grabs them again for a squeeze in a cuddly playful way. All i'm saying is maybe op's dh didn't realise how much of a problem it was, men like to play and don't always listen. It doesn't make them evil.

I was in no way implying your children should grope you -

Only1scoop · 29/10/2016 22:40

Good for you making plans for a nice trip out tomorrow Op. His sulking is pathetic, let him get on with it.

Firsttimer82 · 29/10/2016 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RepentAtLeisure · 29/10/2016 22:40

men even nice men (going to get lynched for this) don't always get everything the first time

Did your DH pass exams at school? Pass his driving test? Go to uni? Build a decent career?

Success at any or all of these things would suggest that he is actually capable of learning fairly basic things and holding the information in his brain. If he doesn't want to stop groping you in front of your kids and against your will (from what you say) it's not that he doesn't remember, it's that he doesn't have enough respect for you to give a fuck about your wishes.

pictish · 29/10/2016 22:41

My husband does this constantly

men even nice men (going to get lynched for this) don't always get everything the first time

So how many times do you need say no for him to get it right?

My husband does this constantly

With all due respect, I think your advice is to be avoided.

shrieklesoda · 29/10/2016 22:44

In what way is it bollocks? Being touched intimately without your consent, which is what groping is, is more or less the very definition of a man thinking your body is there for him to do as he pleases with. I'm astounded that any woman could think it is ok.

Original poster

carrottop30 · 29/10/2016 22:46

Mistresslggi- There will be no consensual booby cuddle for a long time believe me!!

The reason I got so angry was beacause he started to do it, I said no not front of the children very nicely, he said I am just having a cuddle then he did it anyway. That's the issue as my four year was watching the whole thing, it's now making me feel a bit sick.

He has just texted me and said not coming back tonight because of the arguing.

I am glad he is not coming back because of his reaction and how he think's that I am in the wrong.

OP posts:

HedgehogHedgehog · 29/10/2016 22:49

Does having a penis impair cognitive functioning?

no. But it does give you a deeply ingrained sense of entitlement that you may not even be consciously aware of that can be difficult to identify and get rid of. Even seemingly decent. intelligent men can fall foul of this.

Many men do stuff like this without realising what its impact is. They need to be made to realise it.
Its different if he were doing it maliciously and repeatedly as a character trait.
It sounds tho like he just took it too far and now is struggling to accept the gravity of what hes done.
No one wants to realise that whilst they thought they were being a loving husband, actually underneath it all they were a misogynist wanker. It will take some time to sink in.
Hopefully he will realise this though and alter his behaviour.

If he doesnt stop sulking and wont admit what he did was wrong then id be one of the LTB crew.

pictish · 29/10/2016 22:50

No...your dd does not need to see this self-gratifying shit your husband is indulging in. If he can't grasp that he's got to go.

Say, "I feel a bit sick thinking about you groping me in front of dd. So good. Fuck off."

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/10/2016 22:55

It's good that you got angry. What your child saw is that in very particular circumstances, it's OK to get angry and shout. Like when someone is sexually assaulting you.

Make no mistake, if someone touches you when they have been told not to (or even without enthusiastic consent) they are sexually assaulting you. And if anything bad happens to your DD, she will know that shouting and getting angry is OK.

And DH and I are very fond of touching each other. With consent.

DixieWishbone · 29/10/2016 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FurryLittleTwerp · 29/10/2016 22:56

"just having a cuddle"

Am I wrong, or isn't a cuddle completely different to a sexy grope?

A cuddle is a hug, basically. Sexy parts are not involved.

Clandestino · 29/10/2016 23:02

Hopefully he is come home, will have learnt his lesson and you can have a very consensual booby cuddle.

Moments like this make me despair for humanity. Seriously?

PhantasmMode · 29/10/2016 23:05

Booby cuddle?

I'm not one for mocking others cutesy terms but WTAF?

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