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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need a bit of cheerleading to help me prep for upcoming encounter with OW

227 replies

StreetFighter · 29/10/2016 21:26

DH had a brief affair eight months ago. We're working on reconciliation.

I have only come into contact with OW once since discovering DH's affair, and I kept a dignified silence, but this week I'll see her again at an event the DC are involved in.

She won't be expecting to see me, so in that sense I have the upper hand, but I'm dreading it to be truthful. While I've definitely indulged in fantasies of burning down her fucking house a vengeful nature, in reality the thought of any sort of confrontation horrifies me. Hopefully there won't be anything of the sort, and I can just blank her, but I'd really appreciate some advice on how to cope with it (what shall I wear?!) and general handholding and cheerleading, if anyone feels able.

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 30/10/2016 00:27

op if your still reading the please ignore the nasty comments. If you want to try again with your dh then go for it, I'm sure your not giving him an easy time at the moment either.

Good luck for tomorrow, I really hope she keeps her distance and it all goes smoothly.

thisisafakename · 30/10/2016 00:28

She didn't take him. He stayed with the OP. He thought so little of the OW he shagged her and left

Mmmmmm, what a catch. I'd love to be with a guy who thinks so little of women that he shags them and leaves them. It must mean that he thinks a lot of me if he does that...

LyndaNotLinda · 30/10/2016 00:29

Fucking hell. Some people really don't understand the word 'cheerleading', do they?

What a vile shower of shite this thread has turned into.

BubbleGum - your English comprehension leaves a lot to be desired.

BubbleGumBubble · 30/10/2016 00:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BellesBelles · 30/10/2016 00:33

*grammar

(Sorry, couldn't resist).

BubbleGumBubble · 30/10/2016 00:34
Grin
SausageSoda · 30/10/2016 00:36

FFS Bubble and Belles - you're like a pair of school ground bullies egging each other on and cackling. Lovely.

BellesBelles · 30/10/2016 00:36

Bubble But OP has chosen to get back with her DH for reasons we aren't party to (and do not need to be party to). OP has asked for a bit of support in handling a tricky situation. What's to be gained in banging on harshly about her DH? Confused

BubbleGumBubble · 30/10/2016 00:39

We gave exchanged 2 post between each other. The first telling me i had spelt grammar incorrectly and the second was my reply which was Grin.

Please explain how that is egging each other on and behaving like bullies when niether post involved the OP Confused

LyndaNotLinda · 30/10/2016 00:41

I was referring to you saying the OP would be 'strutting around like she's won first prize'.

Absolutely nothing she has posted implies that, nothing.

The OP has asked for people to be kind and supportive. You clearly don't feel able to be either of those things. I'm not sure why you felt the need to put the boot into a woman who is dealing with a horrible situation but it's really unpleasant.

BellesBelles · 30/10/2016 00:41

Bubble was a good sport there! Brew and Cake to you, Bubble!

Mozismyhero · 30/10/2016 00:43

Well this thread has taken a horrible turn for the worst. OP wanted support, not advice, and has ended up getting a load of abuse from people. Shameful.

SausageSoda · 30/10/2016 00:44

Sorry, I misinterpreted Belle's post. Looks like it's just you that behaving bullishly Bubbles. I'll leave you to it especially as even the OP has been driven from her own thread. Yay 'cheerleaders' 👏🏼

BubbleGumBubble · 30/10/2016 00:45

Maybe she will realise her prize is not such a good one.

For me it is not the sexual act that is upsetting.
It is the fact that he can treat 2 women with so little respect and still come out on top Hmm

"Oh but darling she meant nothing too me.
It was just sex. She offered it on a plate. She is the office/town bike. I was vulnerable/stressed. I was not thinking straight. You showed me no attention. She who i put my dick in many times meant nothing to me. Its you i love"

Yeah loved you so much he forgot about while he shagged her.

If he has no respect for her then how much respect does he have for his wife?

user1471545174 · 30/10/2016 00:46

OP doesn't need all the attitude and OWs are not blameless, in the main.

It sounds like this event is far from being a regular thing so I'd either deputise a sister or friend to do DC duty (if possible) or go, looking nice but not try-hard, and blank her. Move somewhere else if she sat next to me.

Definitely wouldn't have DH either attending or providing lift home, unless he parked well away from the event.

BubbleGumBubble · 30/10/2016 00:48

I'll leave you to it especially as even the OP has been driven from her own thread. Yay 'cheerleaders

OP left way before i posted.

LyndaNotLinda · 30/10/2016 00:50

Unless you're privy to a back story, you don't know 'he's come out on top'. All you know is that they are working on reconciliation. It may not work. None of us know what is going on.

All we know is that the OP is going to see her kids perform in a small dance show and the OW is going to be there. And she needs a bit of moral support. If you don't feel able to give that to her, I'm a bit mystified as to why you're here?

BellesBelles · 30/10/2016 00:55

I wrote two supportive posts to OP, if you read them. Only other contribution was correcting Bubble on the spelling of grammar in a lighthearted way which she took in good spirit. Will leave the thread however.

BubbleGumBubble · 30/10/2016 00:55

Well its an open forum so that means anyone can post.

I think lots of different opinions are best when you are asking for opinions.
The poor OP is stressing about looking good for the OW when her DH could not give a shiney shit......that is fucked up Sad

I think she should wear what she likes minus the wedding ring.

There is that better?

NickiFury · 30/10/2016 00:56

Only in movies does OW feel guilty and shamed by the presence of the dignified yet courageous wife. In truth if she is as brass necked as you describe, she will be looking at a way to pull you to pieces and she will be laughing at whatever efforts you make. It's horrible but it's true, she's not suddenly going to see the light. Dress nicely, make a small effort, so you feel more confident and make sure your phone is charged because you can be concentrating on that unless you're watching or interacting with your child. If she approached me I would tell her sharply to f*ck off, I wouldn't be able to stop myself but that doesn't sound like the way you'd like to handle it so you should just say excuse me and walk off. Sucks for you. Sure he's worth it?

LyndaNotLinda · 30/10/2016 01:07

It's a bit better. And FWIW I agree with NickiFury but I suspect StreetFighter does too.

I think she's just looking for a way to get through this

BubbleGumBubble · 30/10/2016 01:13

It's a bit better

Ha ha I was being sarcastic. I could not give a fuck what you think GrinGrin

LyndaNotLinda · 30/10/2016 01:18

Oh dear. I think it's well past your bedtime.

CookieDoughKid · 30/10/2016 01:31

Just put your bitch face on if you come across her. Eyeball her with steady eyes. No raised eye brows. Just pretend you are a sniper looking at your target ready for kill. Walk slow, head held steady. Act supremely confident like she is no one. If she approaches you and tries to talk, say "Excuse me. Must dash. I've something important". Walk off.

CookieDoughKid · 30/10/2016 01:34

I wouldnt even go there with a fuckoff because if she has raised a reaction from you, she's won. Disengage at the very first opportunity and act like is absolutely not worth your time or salt.