How do we make this work?

[regencyromancer]

NC for this one as I don't want to be identified. Have been with DP for just shy of a year, everything was going swimmingly until I introduced him to my kids and family. 4 children ranging from 2-13 who are wonderful but like all kids very demanding. DP has 4 DC from a previous marriage but he isnt close to them and rarely sees them. I have introduced DP to the DC and it hasn't gone well. DP good with the kids but expects them to be seen and not heard, they are kids at the end of the day and they are not always well behaved but they are not banshee's either. He wants me to put the kids to bed at 7 so we can have alone time every night and have dinner w/o the DC but I dont think this is fair. I really love him but dont know how to deal with this. He has been critical of my mothering recently which upset me and he said he expected to be put first sometimes but how can I when they are my children. He wants to go on a holiday but has insisted I leave the kids with my EXH. Hes really lovely most of the time but my DC are a sticking point and Im not sure what to do to make us all more inclusive.

OP just read the thread and I really feel for you! I hope in your gut you have a good feeling though; that you've done the right thing. I've been a single parent and I met one man in particular who was lovely to me and treated me like a princess, he hardly saw his young daughter though. I ended things with him when he sent his mum to pick her up from school on the only weekday he saw her, just because he fancied a nap!! He never met my kids and I never looked back.
You'll be ok

thanks for the notes i am just collecting his things now and putting them in bags he didnt have a lot here but some stuff he will probably want back, will take it over to him tomorrow as i would rather go NC with him as whats staying in touch going to achieve? have sent a group message to my friends so its out there, lots of nice messages back. kids being home tomorrow will perk me up.

APPLAUSE

Hoorah!! Well done you!

Massive well done - you've totally done the right thing for you and your kids.

Fuuuuuuuuuuckin hell he sounds like a complete dick, run for your bloody life or you and your kids will suffer 😭

Glad you've done that and agree NC would be best for you. This person is not your friend.

Well done, OP.

Bless you OP you did the right thing. I know it might seem like the end of the world right now but I can think of at least three of my friends who have met someone when they had children (one had four the other two had three) it does happen.
For now allow yourself to grieve but I hope you will take some comfort from that.
Fwiw the MN collective would have had the vapours if they knew how quickly my partner and I met our respective children but we knew we wanted something serious so we were both quite blunt in our discussion that if we didn't take to the children and the children to each other we were doomed so we did it VERY quickly.

Well done it's a brave decision and the right one, you deserve better as do your children. (Flowers)

Thanks gang I've been a weepy mess today but having my wonderful kids around me helped. We had a lovely little day I explained to my eldest that me and DP had decided to go our separate ways she was surprisingly sad but perhaps that's because she could see I was sad. Packaged his things up and delivered them to him along with his key hardly slept last night so feeling v.tired. Youngest are in bed and eldest snuggled up to me on sofa.

Inthink kids dislike change even if it is shitty change

Oh bless you! I've been there too with the despondency that accompanies single parenthood. You will get over this and you will get your happy ever after. I don't necessarily mean a happy relationship though that would be nice! You'll find peace x