What is it like being a child free couple?

[slowhoneybee]

My partner and I have just bought house and are starting a life together. We have been together 5 years and are both now 40. Due to medical reasons and also a general mutual ambivalence about having kids it seems most likely that we won't have kids ever.

I'm not sad about this at all but I don't know any other child free couples I wonder how it is over the long term? It seems most couples date, move in marry, then at some point have children which gives a sort of structure to your life together for at least 20 years.

I'm curious what happens when you take kids out of the equation?

And I thought I was the only one on here without kids . I knew from an early age (about ten) that I definitely didn't want children for several reasons, I also have two older brothers one married thirty years, who are both childfree. both e I definitely

Couldn't delete that last bit

Caz101 I knew from when I was very young as well. I'd say about 7 or 8. It was never really a 'decision' or a 'eureka moment', I just knew I never wanted to be a parent in the same way I just knew I had a liver inside my body.

I didn't actually always know, but mostly because I assumed that was just what you did.
I actually agreed a timescale for pregnancy with my then not-in-the-least-bit-DP in my early twenties. Luckily the relationship went tits up instead as he was an abusive arsehole.
I also briefly considered a baby later in my twenties because I thought it might stop my then DP going to the pub all the time during the day while I was at work. I'm now older and wiser enough to know how that would have played out.
In neither of these cases did I actually want a baby or to be a parent though.
When I got together with DH I did vaguely think I'd do it if it was something he had his heart set on, although the thought filled me with huge sadness at the idea of it not being just the two of us any more. When we discussed it, it turned out that it was also something he just assumed you did, but that he was delighted not to have to go down that road - he'd assumed that it was the woman who would want it and insist.
Once we had discussed it and agreed I felt huge happiness and relief. I've never wavered for a second, I love our life together and I'm so glad it's worked out this way and I didn't do something thoughtless and irreversible for all the wrong reasons when I was younger.

Child free couple by choice and I am past changing my mind.

I don't recognise all the blissful, organised hedonism I'm reading about here but although we are messy and bickery, we are united on the child free front and, as one PP said, it's a lot to do with our own respective childhoods (both gifted, bookish, over-sensitive and preferred adult company).

We both like the agelessness of the child free state and think our childed friends are really brave with the amount of responsibility they carry.

Watching with interest
I'm 34 and we're thinking about starting a family
But part of me just wants to have a quiet, tidy house and go horse riding

A good friend of mine married a woman who did not want children. Over the years, he realized he wanted them and felt he had missed out. As divorce wasn't an option, he is now somewhat bitter and sad.

'But part of me just wants to have a quiet, tidy house and go horse riding'

And you can do it Horse. I believe in you I hope you've seen lots of examples on this thread about how lovely the childfree life can be

Thanks for starting this thread!

I'm child-free and love my child-free life. (never realised there were so many child-free people on MN - hello, all!) Have never felt that strong urge to be a mother - though I love children, I've always wanted to focus my time & attention on other things, like pursuing creative projects, and working on my career. I work with children & have lots of nephews & nieces but have never wanted children of my own.

I can't imagine my life any other way. There are plenty of children in my life, and I love spending time with them and seeing them grow up... and then going back to my lovely clean, quiet house afterwards!

Many of my friend who've had children have ended up giving up their careers - which has been right for them, their children are their priority and that's what they want / need to do. Many now work part time & from home, which they love doing. That wouldn't be for me - I love my career, I do something which I love, something I've worked hard to get into, not many people do it and I can't imagine having to give it up to look after children.

As to what our lives look like - we don't lead a wild lifestyle but we do go away often, we both spend time pursuing creative projects. We often go hiking or cycling at weekends and seeing art exhibitions. We will likely be able to retire / semi-retire much younger than our peers.

I love being childfree and am glad to meet so many others.