What is it like being a child free couple?

[slowhoneybee]

My partner and I have just bought house and are starting a life together. We have been together 5 years and are both now 40. Due to medical reasons and also a general mutual ambivalence about having kids it seems most likely that we won't have kids ever.

I'm not sad about this at all but I don't know any other child free couples I wonder how it is over the long term? It seems most couples date, move in marry, then at some point have children which gives a sort of structure to your life together for at least 20 years.

I'm curious what happens when you take kids out of the equation?

We are a child free couple.
Met dh when I was 55. I have children, he doesn't.

It's lovely being in a second relationship when you only have yourselves to think about.
Not 100 per cent strictly true because I love my family to bits and get to spend a good chunk of time with them and my grandkids but Day to day being retired it's as childfree as you can get.
Funnily enough there are several of us who were dumped/ widowed in our fifties with grown up children/ grandchildren who went on to a second relationship with childless men.

It's great!

I reckon it must be lovely!!

Although most of the child free couples I know ended up getting dogs, which means they still dont get to travel all the time

It's pretty much how it must have been for you for a few years - you have time and money to have fun and a lot of independence;)

Think it's a bit difficult to get an unbiased view point. If you are child free by choice and doing all the things you want to in life, then I imagine it's bloody fantastic.
I'm certainly not miserable or trapped by being a parent, we travel and pursue hobbies, I think we'd spend more time in bed if we were child free though!
I imagine both scenarios have their special moments.

Bliss.

We go on weekends away 5/6 times a year, eat out weekly, holiday 5 times a year at times when it is so much cheaper as not bound by school holidays and do what we want when we want and have a great time. For me we have been together 15 years and it always feels like we are still in the honeymoon stage where there is still loads of romance and surprises.

Meanwhile my sister is stressed as hell, is fed up with her husband and like someone else has alluded to they are really only still together for the kids.

There are lots of positives to no kids but I'm sure those that have them would say the same about having them.

However you don't miss what you have never had.

Being part of a child free relationship is utter bliss.

Now that my DD is older, I find the freedom utter bliss.

It's wonderful. I couldn't imagine my life any other way. For me, I can't imagine much worse in life than having children.

For us it wasn't a decision despite a lot of people assuming we've decided not to have children. I don't get this reasoning and actually it's pretty offensive in that it assumes having children is the norm and you have to make the conscious decision to go against that.

I agree with what a PP said that we don't have any artificial 'glue' holding us together. We're together because we want to be and we love each other.

We're best friends. We have loads of fun together doing stuff we want to do. We very rarely compromise as I assume you would have to with children.

We act stupid. We swear a lot. We watch whatever we want on TV.

We go on holiday whenever we want to. We're spending an eye-watering amount on renovating our house and not having to dedicate any space to toys or cots or general children's clutter.

Our house is clean and tidy at all times. It's also quiet and peaceful.

We save about £2,200 per month and this is only going to increase as we progress in our careers. We'll have paid off our mortgage by 34. We'll be very comfortably retired at 50.

We both look good for our age. We're not particularly tied or stressed.

Neither of us have to worry about the impact of children or parental leave on our careers. We're both free to choose to do whatever jobs we want as long as they pay enough for us to live on.

Bliss.

tired not tied. Though not having children does also mean you're not tied!

Interesting thread but I must admit I'm pretty baffled by the amount of posters without children on mumsnet

Why Aqua?

Hmm.. if I was in a childfee marriage I think I'd have lots of nice holidays, lots of lovely food and wine, lots of days/nights out and more holidays

Oh and real lie ins!!!

Childfree*

All these things sound so lovely

But won't you be lonely when you're older? Being retired at 50 will be great but that's 30-40 years of your life of doing absolutely nothing.

I think I'd struggle to see the meaning of life if I was in that position. And I speak as a childless person!

The happiest couple I know are child-free (by choice). Together since their student years and that wasn't today or yesterday, they are married, in love (still!) and have a wonderful life.
Not jealous at all no no....

Not quite the same but I look at couples with just one child and see a portion of that calmness. Once they are beyond infant school ages- those families seem so happy to me. !

30-40 years of doing nothing? Really, is that what retirement is? No travel, playing sport, joining groups/amateur dramatics, gardening, volunteering. Most retired people I know wonder how they had time to work

Anyway, in what way is that different to retired people whose children have grown up and away - grandparents don't all spend all their time looking after their grandchildren

Because if I was living what sounds like a utterly blissful child free life I think I would be looking at all he had holidays/events / nights out I could go on rather than reading a parenting forum

Being retired at 50 will be great but that's 30-40 years of your life of doing absolutely nothing.

Can not wait.

Aquasport I come on MN because it's full of intelligent and funny women who speak the plain truth. Women who are willing to share their opinions and experience and aren't at all afraid to tell you when you're being a knob. I don't know anywhere else online or IRL like that.

I come on MN when I'm procrastinating at work. In part because I don't feel huge pressure on my working day time. I'm child-free, so I can work until late into the evening if I want or need to. I don't need to pack everything into 9-5 because I'm rushing to pick up children from various places.

Plus I don't read any of the parenting bits of MN. I have no interest in infant feeding or sleep. I hang around in Chat, AIBU, S&B and Relationships.

I also get sucked into Classics but reading a whole Classics thread can take a whole day

I enjoyed the years before we had children and I'm sure we will enjoy the years together after they leave home. But I wouldn't want to miss out on this bit in the middle

Yes I can see that, it was in no way having a pop!

Having a baby led me discover mumsnet but no DC are older i pretty much frequent the same threads as you!

Sorry, my post came across as quite snippy. It wasn't meant to be. I know you weren't having a pop