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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Should I ring this number

110 replies

NameChanged2333 · 15/10/2016 12:47

Apologies - this may be confusing

My DP went out last night and didn't come home. This morning he has made two phone calls to a number that has a picture of a woman on the contacts but no name.
He claims it's the number of the girlfriend of the friend he stayed at and his phone ran out of charge so he used my DP's phone to call her this morning. His friend hadn't remembered the (new) girlfriends number but in anticipation of losing his charger in the morning had got her to ring his phone (when they were out and she wasn't with them). Then this morning after his friend's phone ran out of charge and he couldn't find the charger, he woke my DP up to phone his girlfriend with the conveniently stored number.

My DP then blocked the "girlfriend's" number in his phone so she didn't call him and I "wouldn't give him shit"

I thought it was bullshit but as I'm typing that I'm even more convinced I'm being spun a lie.

Shall I ring it? I risk looking like a twunt if he is telling the truth don't I?

OP posts:

Report

CannotEvenDeal · 16/10/2016 03:03

I read that you wrote that he's not coming home but then where is he? Sorry if I've missed that

NameChanged2333 · 16/10/2016 03:19

He's gone to stay at the friend's.

OP posts:

NameChanged2333 · 16/10/2016 03:20

At least that's where I think he is. Who knows?
He might have arranged to meet her. I feel sick.

OP posts:

AtSea1979 · 16/10/2016 03:24

OP stay strong. Regardless of the number, you know his behaviour is unacceptable.

NameChanged2333 · 16/10/2016 03:27

I know. I'm just so hurt.
I'm the one person in his life that's ever put themselves out there for him and all I've got is abuse. I've tried to find the best in him and help him get past his shitty behaviour but I can't get through to him.
I still can't believe he would do this to me. Despite everything I'm devastated and I can't help myself. I know there's no going back and I know it's for the best and he's a twunt but none of that doesn't stop it hurting.

OP posts:

AtSea1979 · 16/10/2016 03:44

try to sleep and try to keep busy tomorrow. Is there someone you can visit?

NameChanged2333 · 16/10/2016 03:51

I'm not going to bother my friend again - she's pregnant with a toddler. I think a long walk with the dogs is in the order. Might even get in the car and take them to the coast and make a day of it.
Thanks all

OP posts:

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 16/10/2016 04:10

Look after yourself Name
Hope you're ok. Truly shitty behaviour and it's looking less and less likely that there's an innocent explanation

botanically · 16/10/2016 04:38

I have the phone number of a friend's boyfriend in my phone for the exact same reason. We were out, her phone was dying, she was going to be staying at mine. She put his number in my phone before hers died because she doesn't know it off by heart. When her phone died she phoned him from mine a few times during the rest of the night out before we got back to mine and she was able to charge her own phone.

So, his story is plausible in my opinion. BUT his behaviour is totally unreasonable.

botanically · 16/10/2016 04:46

And True Caller works by gathering data from the phones of people who download the app. So if my name was Jane but someone had me in their phone as Joan (for whatever reason) then True Caller would tell you the number belongs to Joan.

Anniegetyourgun · 16/10/2016 07:28

I'm the one person in his life that's ever put themselves out there for him and all I've got is abuse. I've tried to find the best in him and help him get past his shitty behaviour but I can't get through to him.

You do realise you can't rescue someone who isn't willing to be rescued, right? You're supposed to be his partner, not his therapist or his mum.

You also have to ask yourself why no-one else puts themselves out there for him. Maybe because he won't put himself out for them?

Time to start disentangling those complicated threads that tie you to him so that your options are more fully open, I'd say. (Are they really as complicated as you think?)

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 16/10/2016 12:01

What Annie said.
He has lured you in with the "poor little boy- nobody likes me except you" manipulation.

Your relationship is not a two way street- it's one way: his way.

Sorry, but, imho, he is using you. No relationship is better than this kind of relationship.

NameChanged2333 · 16/10/2016 12:12

Yep. You're right.
I had a moment of self pity in the middle of the night and allowed it to get on top of me.

I did confront him with the name. Apparently he doesn't need to tell me a thing but has stopped pretending it was the girlfriend. Won't offer an explanation as to all the lies or what happened.

Thanks all. It was exactly what I thought and he's a prize twunt.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 16/10/2016 12:13

He has zero respect for you

Lotsofponies · 16/10/2016 12:45

I am so sorry you are going through this. His response, not having to tell you anything says it all. He has no ounce of feeling or respect for you. You sound a lovely caring person. It's totally his loss. You can look forwards to moving on to a happier life. I was married to a cheating and EA bastard. When I finally found the right time to leave, aside from the practicalities, i felt a huge relief, almost straight away. Looking back I couldn't believe his he had changed and manipulated me so much. You are worth so much more than this dick.

balence49 · 16/10/2016 13:06

I wouldn't waste any time bothering about who the number is/ what he's done. He is abusive, just the being called names and shouted at would have my dh having his bags packed.

LizB62A · 16/10/2016 13:10

Have you tried looking her up in Facebook, now that you know her name?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 16/10/2016 15:44

He screams abuse at you and smashes things.

So why were you looking for evidence of cheating to grant yourself permission to dump him? You had all the reason in the world already from his direct behaviour with you.

You are diverting attention from the real issue yourself. I hope the counselling helps and I hope you have now cut contact with the twatbadger.

wheelwithinawheel · 16/10/2016 17:40

I'm FURIOUS on your behalf. So he behaves like a COCK in whatever capacity, he LIED after being caught out, turned verbally ABUSIVE when questioned, and is now dismissing the whole thing, and expecting you to what? Just let go and move on? This man is a DOUCHE. But I don't think you need to hear that from us. I'm so sorry, I hope you can find a way forward in whatever way is best for you.

wheelwithinawheel · 16/10/2016 17:42

As others have said, regardless of the number or whatever went on there - his behaviour after the fact is enough to walk away. It's enough x

NameChanged2333 · 16/10/2016 18:00

Thanks everyone. Meeting another friend now for a quick drink.
I was stupid enough to go in to work to speak to him ( for some strange reason I need him to be sorry) It won't surprise you that he's not and is still blaming me.

In his desperation to get away from me he pushed me over and I banged my head. I'm fine. He left me on the floor, jumped in the car and drove off.

I'm done now. As always there's an added complication but it's not enough to make me go back there. Ever again. Number blocked and phone on do not disturb so I can screen calls.

I've tried ringing the number but she's obviously been warned and won't pick up. I feel a responsibility to her to warn her what she's getting in to but hopefully the fact she's had to be told she might get a call will be enough to tell her to steer clear. I won't bother her again. She's innocent in this and from my point of view just a symptom of the rotten disease that is him.

You've all been as important to me as my RL friends in this, so thank you

OP posts:

skyyequake · 16/10/2016 18:07

Sorry that happened to you OP but glad that you've seen the light. You're a million times better off without him no matter the complications

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AnyFucker · 16/10/2016 18:10

I hope this is the line you have drawn, never to go back. You know now he is a cheat and an abusive man.

You could report him to the police for assault if you wish.

AcrossthePond55 · 16/10/2016 18:45

Did anyone see him push you?

Balanced12 · 16/10/2016 19:01

You need to report him to the police for that OP, a) because you shold b) it might help in terms of separation later

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