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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Should I ring this number

110 replies

NameChanged2333 · 15/10/2016 12:47

Apologies - this may be confusing

My DP went out last night and didn't come home. This morning he has made two phone calls to a number that has a picture of a woman on the contacts but no name.
He claims it's the number of the girlfriend of the friend he stayed at and his phone ran out of charge so he used my DP's phone to call her this morning. His friend hadn't remembered the (new) girlfriends number but in anticipation of losing his charger in the morning had got her to ring his phone (when they were out and she wasn't with them). Then this morning after his friend's phone ran out of charge and he couldn't find the charger, he woke my DP up to phone his girlfriend with the conveniently stored number.

My DP then blocked the "girlfriend's" number in his phone so she didn't call him and I "wouldn't give him shit"

I thought it was bullshit but as I'm typing that I'm even more convinced I'm being spun a lie.

Shall I ring it? I risk looking like a twunt if he is telling the truth don't I?

OP posts:

Report

travellinglighter · 15/10/2016 15:15

If it’s his friends girlfriend, why block it?? Tell him to phone her up and confirm his story.

NameChanged2333 · 15/10/2016 15:18

Anyway....friend rang number from my phone on withheld. First by facetime audio which I'm not sure if the withholding works on (eek), then just a normal call. She didn't pick up. Didn't go to answerphone. So I'm none the wiser.
He continues to be verbally abusive, snapped his toothbrush and slammed the toothpaste into the bath when I initially confronted him this morning. Since then I've had nothing but a torrent of crap. I'm every name under the sun and I don't like him going out with his friends - I'm controlling and need to know where he is every minute of the day. He's now blaming me for having nowhere to live and the fact he's going to need to sleep on the couch at work.

OP posts:

AnnieLovesOakley · 15/10/2016 15:20

He has cheated.

ToastieRoastie · 15/10/2016 15:21

Getting angry at you is classic deflection.

You know he's been up to something. If you need proof so you can stand strong when he says its true and says its because you don't trust him, I'd get friend to call.

Bear in mind though that the woman might not say anything or back up his story because he's spun her a line about his crazy partner (she's under no obligation to tell the truth)

loveyoutothemoon · 15/10/2016 15:22

Has there been contact between them since 9.05? Would he have been able to warn her that you know?

loveyoutothemoon · 15/10/2016 15:24

Hide his phone and have a look when you get the chance.

WitteryTwittery · 15/10/2016 15:28

100% fishy. He wouldn't need to block the number if it was a friends GF. Because if it wasn't a friends GF, she would have no need to ever ring him. Something happened last night and he doesn't want to get caught out by a "lovely meeting you last night" text popping up when you have his phone.

Agerbilatemycardigan · 15/10/2016 15:32

Classic deflection.

He's trying to blame his bad behaviour on you, just so that he can justify his actions.

He's full of shit.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 15/10/2016 15:32

Regardless of whether his story checks out or not. His behaviour in the aftermath is appalling. You're well rid OP

furryminkymoo · 15/10/2016 15:32

Try calling again? You have nothing to lose

Moojay · 15/10/2016 15:32

OP do you have his phone or did you save it into yours?

Error404usernamenotfound · 15/10/2016 15:32

Screamed at me but not about that about the fact that he's entitled to a night out every now and then and called me every name under the sun.

He continues to be verbally abusive, snapped his toothbrush and slammed the toothpaste into the bath when I initially confronted him this morning. Since then I've had nothing but a torrent of crap.

This would make him an instant ex for me, regardless of whether or not he'd cheated. Nobody has the right to behave that way towards you, whatever the circumstances. I'm sorry, OP.

NameChanged2333 · 15/10/2016 15:36

Saved the number to my phone. He has his phone, I asked him to show it to me this morning but then he took it.
Pretty certain that he won't call again (from his phone at least). His phone is a business phone and he knows I can look at an itemisation of his calls if he wants.

OP posts:

mum11970 · 15/10/2016 15:38

If he wasn't with the girl where did the photo come from? When someone calls a picture of the person doesn't come up unless you, yourself, have attached it to that number.

NameChanged2333 · 15/10/2016 15:40

I'm thinking I might ring the number not on withheld. I have nothing to lose now and I couldn't give a rat's ass about what his friend or his girlfriend thinks of me. I'm actually an immensely private person and I don't like doing my dirty washing in public and I'm mortified at what he will have said about me but no doubt they'll already think I'm some psycho, controlling bitch.

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 15/10/2016 15:40

He's guilty as sin. What explanation did he have for the photo being on his phone?

NameChanged2333 · 15/10/2016 15:41

What's the worst that could happen? His friend's girlfriend tells him I've called to check his story? Which no doubt she will.
If.....it's his friend's girlfriend and not some poor girl he met in a club. I suppose that's another way to find out.

OP posts:

NameChanged2333 · 15/10/2016 15:42

Sorry - my fault for being unclear. I got the photo from saving her number into my phone via WhatsApp. I was trying not to make my OP so long and unreadable and have obviously confused the matter!

OP posts:

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 15/10/2016 15:44

It's kind of irrelevant whether he's cheated, isn't it? If he's abusive you need leave him.

He sounds utterly repulsive.

RomanticWalksToTheFridge · 15/10/2016 15:44

pipsqueak25 · 15/10/2016 15:44

kick this bloke to the kerb as soon as possible, the so called 'gf' is welcome to him, although i think she'll tell him to jog on as well.

PoppyPicklesPenguin · 15/10/2016 15:45

From the update at the top of this page, it doesn't sound so strange anymore (just referring to the telephone numbers)

You found the picture on whatapp when looking for the number - isn't that normal? It wasn't saved in his contacts
There was an exchange of numbers last night, quick message that could have been the friend
Then two calls this morning a couple of minutes each, sounds like someone tried to call and went to voicemail - which could have been the friend.
He didn't save the number or the photo

I agree that the shouting and yelling is unacceptable and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone showing this level of aggression, but the above sounds pretty much like what he has said.

Of course he could be a lying cheating bastard but the update gives a different perspective I think.

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pipsqueak25 · 15/10/2016 15:46

do what you need to do, he obviously doesn't give a toss about you, he knows he's been outted hence the agro. be strong and stand your ground.

NameChanged2333 · 15/10/2016 15:47

I might just send a link to this thread to him.
I know we're through and I know I shouldn't put up and have put up with this in the past. My friend has told me this afternoon that I am the strongest person she knows and I am pretty kick ass. BUT for some reason I've put up with countless episodes of this crap. This isn't the first time if I'm totally honest and I hate that I've put up with it for this long.

OP posts:

pipsqueak25 · 15/10/2016 15:49

poppy are you the woman in question as you seem to be standing up for him ? , except for the last line that is

Flip

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