Oh bluebird so very sorry. I'm in a similar position - found out 3 months ago that DP had been having an emotional affair with another woman. I had suspected but he "closed me down" every time, even ridiculing me, saying I had a "jealous mind" - it went on for the best part of 3 years and seems it was mostly e mails and phone calls, but for the last year on a daily basis. They did meet up sometimes as they belong to the same club.
I have been in turmoil and get SO angry - I know he's remorseful but I'll never trust him again. We'r having awful rows - we've been together over 45 years! Neither of us can cope with the thought of separating but I have a horrible feeling that will have to happen.
Anyway how do you know he's in contact again - are you sure? What an absolute cow to send you that screen shot. It does sound like some sort of fantasy they're both in, consisting mainly of texts, but he has slept with her of course and you don't know how often. Living at opposite ends of the country is not a problem - where there's a will, there's a way. They could meet halfway.
You talk about whether he loves her - I think love is a much misused word, it's an emotion like any other and sometimes we feel it and other times we don't. I don't really know what to say - but you need to let him know that you have found out - you mention addiction and i know my DP became obsessed (on his own admission) with this woman. We're trying hard to move on but it's not easy. Can you take yourself off to stay with a trusted relative/friend to put some space between you and give you some thinking time. And try to look after yourself, you won't have an appetite, but try to eat a little but of nourishing food, not too much alcohol etc.
Oh god I've just read your last post and I am exactly the same - I torture myself about what they were talking about - I'm haunted by it - but to be honest I don't think men DO talk about the wives/partners/kids to the OW - my DP admits this - saying I was "airbrushed" out - but you'll still wonder I know. I know everyone is telling you to LTB and they're probably right but I sense you don't want to.................but you need some physical space between you and it would underline to him that he has something to worry about, because you will have taken a step you've never done before. When I first found out I went and stayed in a Travel Lodge because I couldn't bear to tell anyone and refused to answer his calls/texts and he was frantic thinking I'd left him. And that might well happen - I just don't know.
Take care x