I feel like my Mother In Law took something special from us

[GaurdiansofOurgalaxy]

My daughter is over 5 months old. My partner and I had been waiting for the right time to introduce solids to her diet (currently breastfed exclusively) and one morning earlier this week we made the decision to start feeding her just a little in the evenings. Based on the guidelines on the NHS website, she is ready. Also, she has started to wake up in the middle of the night more frequently for feeds! Once a week my partners mother takes care of the baby for two hours whilst we attend couples counselling. Before we left we told the MIL that we were going to feed her for the first time that evening and that we were excited. We explained that after we picked the Baby up after our session we were going to buy the highchair/bowls/spoons, etc. Oh how exciting, she said! Are you going to feed her banana? No, not banana. (I didn't explain that I have an allergy to bananas and maybe my baby might too, I just said no, not banana.) Anyway, we got back from our session and upon walking in the door the MIL says "I am so sorry but I had to feed the baby banana, she was soooo hungry"........... We are both upset that she did that. I had fed her a huge feed right before we left, we were only gone 2 hours and every 2.5 to 3 hours is her normal feed time. The MIL knows this. She wasn't hungry. But the MIL has nothing to do in her life since her children left home and her own mum who she cared for has passed away. She believed having grandchildren would fill this gap in her life, and I appreciate that this must be hard for her, but to take away special moments from us, the parents, so that she feels fulfilled doesn't seem fair. When she learned she was having a grandchild she had a whole room built with a full nursery. She had saved every toy and their boxes (including over 400 cuddlie toys in vacuum sealed bags) her children had, and all of her daughters clothing. She is literally obsessed with babies and treats them as toys, like dolls. She knows we are upset about it, but what now? This isn't the first time she has done something like this but she doesn't listen. Would you continue to let her have the baby without us there or are we just asking for more of this? Would you be upset?

The grandmother is certainly unfit if she gave the baby a food that could have triggered an allergic reaction.

Your MIL, who you use as free childcare, fed your baby a banana?

Complete and utter non issue. Your overreaction is astonishing.

Fuck I feel sorry for the MILs of you lot!

Don't worry op you aren't overreacting. Sometimes people think they know about how a set of circumatances feels, when they don't. You do know however, and if you feel undermined, deal with it firmly and don't feel guilty.

Yessss, some perspective!
Bear in mind also that it can be very stressful for someone to be left holding a screaming baby.
Yes, I wasn't undermined when bringing up my babies, but then I was absolutely nowhere near family. So no free childcare for us. Swings and roundabouts, I guess.

Oddly enough it was my father who overstepped boundaries in this way. I remember him trying to jab stuff into my baby's mouth with a spoon, when I said we were starting solids - and my daughter crying - and having to physically take her off him.. (It was as if he resented the exclusivity of breastfeeding and felt now was his chance to get the baby away from me.)

Something in the intensity of his wish to have his grand daughter to himself, without me really distressed me.

When she was 3 months old he took her off - for a walk, without asking permission - when I was having a quick shower.

There was another point when - staying with my parents - I'd put my baby down on a bed in a darkened room for a nap during the day. About fifteen minutes later I went in to fetch something and discovered my father lying on the bed beside her.

It was around this point that I decided it would be supervised contact only.

And there will be loads of other 'firsts', particularly if you are firm (but kind) with her in future. She has overstepped the mark, but no need for a big drama.

She is unfit because she cannot be trusted and is therefore wholly unpredictable.

it was a deliberate and blatant attempt to undermine the OP about something that she had said she was excited about doing with her first child. No over reaction about it.

She did it deliberately and planned to do it. Very odd, isn't it, if she's never fed the baby before to just decide to after you'd told her that. "Just a bit of banana" is how manipulative people get away with doing very subtle mean things to others; you sound over the top for your reaction, and every one can feel sorry for them.

I think it is valid to question at least how suitable she is to have the baby alone if she is not to be trusted to behave straightforwardly. I know it would stress me out having someone playing mind games with me and having to watch what I told them. I find this sort of stuff exhausting. Why can't people just be nice instead of trying to steal a bit of ground from others all the time?

I mean also worth considering.. This is your baby , if you are very very worried by things like this, just don't leave her again with anyone for a while. She did over step the mark.. We don't know why.
Talk to her in a straightforward way but it's not worth being angry and precious about.
If you don't trust her, then you have to make the decision not to leave her alone again in sole charge.

And apart from that, everything verydownaboutitall said is absolutely spot on.

I don't see this as a non issue at all. If the OP had not told MIL about starting solids that evening, would she have given her that banana? No! She deliberately did it as some sort of ridiculous "I got there first" one-upmanship. She knew damn well she was doing wrong by apologising for doing it as soon as OP returned.

It was very spiteful and childish of her and I would also be furious. I wouldn't go so far as to stop her seeing the baby etc, though.

OP, you say she knows you're upset (and she clearly knew you would be). What has she said about it since?

I think you'll have to draw a line under it but make it clear that nothing like this is to happen again

I would be upset yes, it was a first of something for your baby that she took away from you. My ex mil dos this to me several times with different things and I still can't forget it years later. However you need to pick your battles wisely and if her apology was genuine then I would let it go this time.

So many comments n here about punishing, or revenge. And as for never letting her be alone with the child again.... Utterly ridiculous. Good luck with other free childcare.

Aquawoman seriously?
You think excited parents about to do and plan a first with their child should be ok that within the hour the grandmother decided she had to do it first to take away the experience from them? I am glad you are not my MIL

It's a fucking banana

Winchesterwoman that is a vicious overreaction!

Yes, quite. It's not like she set out to harm the child.

Don't tell her next time, you'll be begging her to babysit in a few years time. Don't make a big drama out of it,see it for what it is - a lonely granny who hasn't quite found her place yet and fucked up a bit.

I had a similar experience with my MIL and my second child. She called round just as i had prepared his first' meal'of pureed pear. I said it was his first meal and i was excited ro fed him. She took the bowl out of my hands and fed him! I was very taken aback and too polite and British (she is from a different country) to say anything. I was upset, but maybe not as much as I'd it had been my first. It was very telling about her character, (does what she wants, always gets her way) but because she is very smiley and positive you don't immediately see it. I learned to never be reliant on her, and frankly too do things on my terms, rather than try and accommodate her, because she can look after herself! We have a good relationship because i make an extra effort around her to look after what i want and have no compunction about chucking out stuff she had given me that i don't want (yes, i too had hundreds of stuffed toys and awful clothes sent my way. Most have been given away or hidden in the attic ready to give back when SIL has a baby!)

It's not the only a fucking banana, it's the first.
The same as if you said you were about to take baby for the first walk in the prom and whilst you were in the toilet they took them for a walk so they could do it first, just the same about of upset even though you will be using the pram daily forever.