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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fallen out the the in laws. Well f I l to be precise. I feel sick. It is gorrid

131 replies

StrumpersPlunkett · 19/09/2016 22:34

I have no recollection of events but FIL called tonight to say that due to my spiteful and unkind behaviour he hasn't slept for a month and they will not be coming to stay ever again.
They will see the grandchildren and dh but he will no longer see me.

Now I have had issues with him but I suck it up and whinge on here or to friends. I am the most fucking hospitable daughter in law he could hope to find.

Dh is distraught but totally backing me to his dad saying that it sounds like he is talking about a different person but good lord FIL is sticking to his guns.

Dh is an only child we live his mum and dad no matter that they have frustrating habits and gave no idea how to get through this.

Any tips greatly recieved. Really don't want things to get worse. Only to heal and her better.

OP posts:
TheLastHeatwave · 20/09/2016 00:46

He sounds rude & batshit. Frankly I'd let them crack on with not coming to visit.

DH can do as he pleases & IF you trust DH not to allow them say anything about you in front of the kids then he can take them if he wants to. I know people will say he can take them anyway, they're his kids too yadda yadda, but you are his wife & their mother & it's not right that they should have to listen to his parents being horrible about their mum.

AcrossthePond55 · 20/09/2016 00:57

When you say you 'have no memory either way', why is that? I'd say most of us would remember getting up, crossing a room and hissing in someone's ear to get out.

Were you drinking? Do you have memory problems?

Bogeyface · 20/09/2016 01:12

I agree with Across

If I dont remember being vile to someone then I can be certain its because it didnt happen! And if I had been intentionally horrible then I am equally certain that I would remember it.

You are being rather ambigious and that why people are being a bit.....unsure as to how to respond.

Did it happen or not? Surely you must know?!

Bogeyface · 20/09/2016 01:13

And if you cant remember if it happened, why cant you remember?

LadyConstanceDeCoverlet · 20/09/2016 01:18

Surely if it wasn't something you would normally do or say, you would remember if you actually had done it? I agree with others, I don't understand why you are equivocal about this.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/09/2016 01:22

I agree with Across.

I really don't see how you can't remember either way.

MephistoMarley · 20/09/2016 02:41

The only way you could have no memory either way is if you blacked out or if you have a disorder of some kind that causes memory loss. Otherwise you know you did or didn't say it! Why are you being so vague? Have you been convinced by someone that you said it even though you can't remember saying it?

KoalaDownUnder · 20/09/2016 02:53

I can not tell you that I did not say it because I have no memory either way. All I can say is that it isn't something I would ever do or say.

Oh, come on.

Did you do it, or not?

Only1scoop · 20/09/2016 03:00

Come on you can tell usWink

Yayme · 20/09/2016 03:00

If you don't like him turning up with food and utensils then it sounds likely that you did tell him to get out of your kitchen even if you can't remember Confused.

FixItUpChappie · 20/09/2016 03:30

Your wording is leaving the whole thing subject to a lot of interpretation....help us out OP - what happened specifically? Then we can give you some advice.

InTheDessert · 20/09/2016 04:35

That £100 I went you last week?? Can I have it back please.

What, you don't remember, well you did, so my money back please.

Honestly, unless you have reason to think otherwise about your memory, and noone else remembers, it's is more likely to be FiL than you "not remembering either way"

Talk to MiL. Sounds like FiL needs to sees GP.

DameSquashalot · 20/09/2016 05:02

If you can't remember either way the maybe you did do it.

You can't say for certain that you didn't Confused

DameSquashalot · 20/09/2016 05:03

Then

Costacoffeeplease · 20/09/2016 05:13

How come you have no memory of it?

Penfold007 · 20/09/2016 05:58

There is no way you have no memory of whether you were rude to him or not. You know the truth.

Optimist3 · 20/09/2016 06:04

Are all the issues he mentioned about the kitchen/food?

Your DH needs to explain that you come as a unit and excluding you means seeing non of you.

BertrandRussell · 20/09/2016 06:09

You "have no memory either way"?

Hmm
Holdtheslaw · 20/09/2016 06:14

I think you might hsve said it tbh op

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/09/2016 06:25

I think you might hsve said it tbh op

Yep me too.

ScarlettDarling · 20/09/2016 06:28

Op, I get that you can't possibly remember every single conversation you had with your fil a month ago. However, if my mil started claiming that a month ago I'd scooted over to her and told her to get out of my kitchen, I would know with absolutely no doubt, that I didnt.

I'm another one who can't understand how you're unsure whether you said this or not?

MudCity · 20/09/2016 06:31

Agree with others. Am perplexed why you appear to have no recollection of events. Have you got memory problems yourself or had you been drinking?

AnyFucker · 20/09/2016 06:34

Incomprehensible

Pagwatch · 20/09/2016 06:35

Yeah, you said it. Or something close enough for him to think you said it.

There is no way that a person could not really remember if such an incident happened. Unless you have a severe medical problem or were drunk.

OnionKnight · 20/09/2016 06:39

How bizarre, I think that the OP might have memory problems rather than her FIL.

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