So ashamed of myself

[Theblamegame]

Name changed for this.

So I was dating a guy for around 6 months when we decided to call it a day. Nothing bad but we just didn't see it going anywhere.

We always had good chemistry and sex. So even though we broke it off we slept together a few times since.

I've been feeling in the mood so made contact and we exchanged a few dirty messages and hinted at meeting up. So I sent him a couple of nude selfies (have done this lots before, I know no face etc) and a suggestive message. This was on Friday and he hasn't replied. I followed up with another message yesterday evening and still no response!

I am feeling so embarrassed and ashamed at myself as he must think I am crazy. I feel like I've thrown myself at him.

How do I stop these feelings? I am so low this evening and can't stop thinking about what he must think about me.

You have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. He's either moved on, is out of he country like you said he often is, or is "just not that into you" (anymore). Whichever of those three it is, none of them should make you feel bad about yourself. You would never have known if you hadn't have tried!

Of course AFs comment is designed to make OP feel bad... In classic mocking superior tone!

OP - delete his number, don't send him any more messages and don't worry about it any more. FWIW I wouldn't have sent a second text if j had t had a reply so maybe ease off with the next guy and you won't feel so bad... But really don't feel ashamed about sending a few messages.

Stoic- exactly that! Women have a tendency to overthink everything!!

Sending naked pictures to an Ex FWB = not ashamed. Sending naked pictures and messages to an Ex FWB and not being replied to = shame and fear of looking easy. So the big issue here is him not replying and thinking bad of you.

How did all that, 'I love my body and I'm not ashamed of showing it' bravado disappear so bloody quickly? Unless of course, the bravado is a cover for an insecurity that was easily exposed by an Ex FWB not responding to a few messages. Why is it so important what this man thinks of you? Would you have not sent him the pics if you thought (despite his encouragement) that he did find you 'easy'?

Something's just not adding up and I'm confused by your intent and the (over) investment in something supposedly so casual.

And perhaps consider getting some different friends.

I personally don't thin AF comment was designed to make the OP feel bad, hell I was thinking the same too. In the context of reverse porn and all the other shit that's become more prevelant in the digital age, sending somebody copies of your naked image is a big deal, especially someone you don't trust enough to reply to booty call type messages.

He didn't respond to your messages, so then sending naked pictures reeks of desperation to me. And, he still hasn't responded.

He's lost interest, regardless.

People a really kicking you while you are down OP. Don't send any more pics, don't give it any more of your time and don't worry what people think of you.

You're out there living and that's more than most.

But I think that's important, self - if the OP hadn't sent naked pictures of herself, would she feel so bad now? No. That's what made her feel embarrassed/ashamed. So maybe she won;t do it next time.

I agree with AF about the whole sending naked selfies thing. Why, just why?? Once the image is out of your hands, you have no control over it! You have no idea what would happen to it - even without your head, it cold be identifying, and who wants to think there are naked photos of themselves out there? Also, sending naked selfies kind of kills off romance, doesn't it? Is this really seen as normal now?

Why do people send/receive naked images? Because they enjoy it, they find it exciting, it's a fun part of their sexual relationships.

It's only frowned upon because women's sexuality is still policed.

If women were able to say 'So what?' if their images were shared, this form of 'revenge' would soon lose all power.

But that won't happen as long as society (including people on this thread) thinks female sexuality is shameful.

There is nothing wrong with the sending or receiving of sexual pictures between consenting adults.

the trusting with pics after 6 months, 6 years, or 60 years is kind of irrelevant - you never know if/when someone's going to turn.

so I take the view the OP is okay with doing it, knows they might end up somewhere with her name on, is an adult and fine to choose that for herself, it's not something I'd do but I don't think there anything wrong with consenting adults doing that.

The fact that the OP has felt this way after sending a naked picture though does indicate that she's not as comfortable with doing so as she would have herself believe.

If it were no big deal to her she would have sent the picture, knowing that the man she was sending it to wasn't interested in her in any way other than a FWB scenario, and when she didn't get a reply would have thought "meh, obviously moved on," but she hasn't. So there is more going on in her thinking than she originally realised.

If I were the OP I would take from that and not send any more naked pics. To anyone..

And I agree that we are better than a generation where we should feel the need to send naked selfies to men in order to seduce them. There are very particular responses on here to posters who have men sending them cock shots, so why are naked selfies of women any different? Have a bit more self respect.

I'm not gonna get into the whole "naked pics" debate...

Maybe he was just starting to meet someone when you messaged him with the whole "don't reply if inappropriate" thing, didn't know where that was going so messaged you anyway... Then the relationship started to get a bit serious so he's stopped messaging now, taking you up on the whole not replying offer you gave earlier...

I wouldn't text anymore (that would come across a tad desperate) just move on and find someone else to be "in the mood" with

OP you've done nothing wrong and nothing to be ashamed of.

Nothing at all wrong with sending naked shots either. I do the same as I'm v proud of my body and my DP loves me sending them to him.

Lots of super uptight and judgemental posters on this thread ! Ignore them. Fortunately there are also lots of sensible, open minded and kind comments too.

As Stoic said a man seriously wouldn't give this so much headspace. Just think fuck it & move on, I certainly wouldn't reply if/when he decides to answer you.

I get why you feel that way OP, you did chase him a bit and the nude pics look kinda desperate, however cool some folk on here are saying it is to do such a thing, I doubt many of them have themselves.

Lesson learned, keep your gorgeous body for a man that you can really trust 100%, six months is not long enough to give your trust over to someone.

I hope you are right about him not showing them to anyone else, I'm afraid that's not guaranteed.

It sounds like maybe you feel a bit insecure. I think sending nude pictures to men is very dangerous you don't know what they are going to do with them
Focus on you now go and get your hair done and pamper yourself..and if he does get in contact taken it slowly be the one in control.

OP, just move on.

It is a funny old world when someone is ashamed of a written message but absolutely fine with a naked selfie. Naked selfie is fine if that's your thing but it's strange that the confidence doesn't go as far as actually saying something.

What a bunch of puritanical, opinionated, sad ladies most of you are. Quite content to backhandedly put the slipper in and deny being malicious about it.

OP. If I got naked pics from a lady I no longer wanted to hook up with, I'd just ignore and hope everything dies a natural death. Your pics are safe. Trust me.

Cleavergreene

Couldn't agree more. Imagine actually knowing women like this in real life ! They taken being judgemental and superior to another level

OP you have nothing to be ashamed of - you've been ghosted, that's all. He's a dick - all he had to do was say 'I've met someone/I'm not comfortable being FWB anymore' etc etc. Just don't send anymore texts, you're good.

The photos are a red herring I think. You say you were comfortable sending them, so I don't really understand why everyone is being so judgey here - THEY might not have sent them, but they're not you! It's an adult naked body, it's nothing more than that. Christ, I sent some to a guy I'd been seeing 6 weeks - I don't give a toss ( ) what he does with them now.

How stupid to say your pics are safe, trust me........

If he can't even give the OP the courtesy of replying to her text never mind a sexual pic of herself, what are the chances of her pics being safe.....?

Us who think it unsafe to send naked pics to a guy who can't even be arsed to reply are not being judgemental, it's called good advice on keeping yourself safe from harm, there are loads of sites at the moment where men are uploading pics of women who have done this very thing, would you all be telling your daughters the same, doubt it!

If my non-existent daughter chose to send naked pics of herself to someone, knowing the full possible consequences of what might or might not happen to them, no I wouldn't be overly bothered quite frankly.

Of course. Now I shall see the error of my ways. A bloke who calls us "ladies" has spoken.

< puts the camera on charge >

And I must reassure