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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

So ashamed of myself

128 replies

Theblamegame · 19/09/2016 21:08

Name changed for this.

So I was dating a guy for around 6 months when we decided to call it a day. Nothing bad but we just didn't see it going anywhere.

We always had good chemistry and sex. So even though we broke it off we slept together a few times since.

I've been feeling in the mood so made contact and we exchanged a few dirty messages and hinted at meeting up. So I sent him a couple of nude selfies (have done this lots before, I know no face etc) and a suggestive message. This was on Friday and he hasn't replied. I followed up with another message yesterday evening and still no response!

I am feeling so embarrassed and ashamed at myself as he must think I am crazy. I feel like I've thrown myself at him.

How do I stop these feelings? I am so low this evening and can't stop thinking about what he must think about me.

OP posts:

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 19/09/2016 22:33

If anything you have reminded him what he is missing!! Don't feel so shitty about it!!
Find something to occupy yourself on a night time. Box set maybe??

Frogers · 19/09/2016 22:41

For christ sake. Shes comfortable with him having a few pictures of her body without her face showing. So what?

Fwiw OP I don't think you've done anything wrong. Think it's possible he's got a new thing going with someone though. Chalk it up to experience and move on

FluffyPineapple · 19/09/2016 22:46

If this OP was written by one of my DD's I would be ashamed of them!

TheCuriousOwl · 19/09/2016 22:47

If he's anything like some of my fwb, he's just busy! He won't be thinking badly of you, if you were still friends and enjoyed the sex occasionally then he will probably be pleased you sent them and not thinking badly of you even if he does have someone else.

Also- sending naked photos without face showing is not a big deal at all if you're comfortable with it (which I am). I love knowing that someone I like having sex with likes looking at me. I get uninvited comments whether I like it or not. At least this way I know I'm playing to an appreciative audience . I wouldn't send them to any old random but 6 months is long enough to get to know someone. You can know someone after 6 weeks and not know someone at all after 6 years so I don't think time is the best indicator of if you can trust someone!!

ivykaty44 · 19/09/2016 22:50

Op he's met someone new
If it doesn't work out he will be I touch, but for now he's keeping u on the back burner

Ust in case of a boot call

Which is fine if that's what you want.

If not then block and move on

Overthinker2016 · 19/09/2016 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tootsiepops · 19/09/2016 22:55

Nobody gives a fuck fluffy

Overthinker2016 · 19/09/2016 22:55

In what way is it a mistake AF? It might be something you wouldn't do or is not to your taste but the pics are not the problem here.
After what length of time does it become ok to send someone pics if you are so inclined?
Her body, her choice.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 19/09/2016 22:58

Assuming your DD's are over the age of consent what they do with their bodies and how many pictures they share of it it nobodies buissness

Just like the op's

Original poster

Theblamegame · 19/09/2016 22:58

As I have said... I am not ashamed of the pictures; I work hard for my body and I am proud of it, they are not identifying and I know he enjoys them.

I'm as confident as I would be with anyone that he doesn't show them to anyone else.

OP posts:

Original poster

Theblamegame · 19/09/2016 22:58

The last bit sounds wrong.

I mean. I've had longer relationships and feel just as comfortable with him to send them.

OP posts:

FluffyPineapple · 19/09/2016 23:03

Thank you Over and Tootsie. Your replies are the very reason why I brought my children up to value their self-worth. You obviously had a very different upbringing. Good luck to you. As the OP posted she is ashamed of herself I can only deduce she was brought up to value herself too and feels let down by her behaviour. But I'm sure you will find an excuse ......

Overthinker2016 · 19/09/2016 23:07

Fluffy, my mum would never come on to a forum and belittle someone way you just did. Your comment was horrible and you are the one who should be ashamed.

My mum taught me kindness and compassion not to sneer at people. She also taught me to stand up to bullies.

Hope you feel good about yourself.

Overthinker2016 · 19/09/2016 23:08

Also you are in no place to comment on my self worth, so just don't, thank you.

WanderingTrolley1 · 19/09/2016 23:14

So, OP, why exactly are you "ashamed" of yourself?

AnyFucker · 19/09/2016 23:31

Fluffy I have said I believe op has made a mistake (my own opinion, without malice) but I am at least sympathetic. Nowhere have I reinforced that she should feel ashamed You just sound mean.

Lilacpink40 · 19/09/2016 23:45

Do you feel embarassed because you actually do quite like him and were hoping he'd get in touch and ask for commitment?

His not contacting you confirms that this was just FWB?

I'd steer clear and look at better longterm options.

Personally I wouldn't send naked photos with or without my face on them, despite being well-toned. I wouldn't want them shared with others. He doesn't sound like a nutter in this case so sure it's fine.

thestamp · 19/09/2016 23:55

You've been dating a guy for 6 months and you trust him with your naked images?

??? Really? She's not sold her soul to the devil. It's just a picture of a naked body, nothing to be ashamed or afraid of. Who cares if he shares them with the world even? A body isn't something to be ashamed of.

OP, don't worry about it, he's probably just met someone else. It really doesn't matter. You're not "easy", this isn't 1950. You enjoyed having sex with him and wanted a bit more sex... if the idea that you WANT to shag him turns him off, well, doesn't really sound like you'd have had a good time with him if you'd met up again. Nothing ventured nothing gained and all that.

Florathefern · 20/09/2016 00:01

I wouldn't text him again. If he doesn't respond, you will feel worse than you already do. He will probably reply at some stage and say he was out of the country . I've been there.

TheStoic · 20/09/2016 04:15

What would most blokes do in this situation?

Assume you weren't interested, shrug, and not give it another thought.

They certainly wouldn't have friends telling them they were 'easy' or lecturing them about sending photos.

Shrug, and move on.

Selfimproved · 20/09/2016 04:24

TheStoic is right. Don't waste your time being ashamed. Don't get sucked back in either - time to move on.

RealityCheque · 20/09/2016 06:21

Assuming your DD's are over the age of consent what they do with their bodies and how many pictures they share of it it nobodies buissness

Actually, that is NOT quite true and varies from country to country. In the UK, age of consent is 16, but any pictures of an under 18 year old is very much the business of the police.

I do agree that once over 18 it is noone elses business and photos without a face? Who gives a fuck?

RealityCheque · 20/09/2016 06:26

AF - (Fluffy I have said I believe op has made a mistake (my own opinion, without malice) but I am at least sympathetic. Nowhere have I reinforced that she should feel ashamed You just sound mean.)

This hardly reads as 'sympathetic' or 'unashaming' (more your usual opinionated, old fashioned twaddle):

You've been dating a guy for 6 months and you trust him with your naked images ?
Oh dear.

AnyFucker · 20/09/2016 06:30

Old fashioned twaddle ? Good one

Original poster

Theblamegame · 20/09/2016 06:32

To everyone asking,

I felt ashamed because I had sent the messages and had no response; because of this I feel a bit like I've thrown myself at him. Therefore my friends think that I have made myself look easy.

I'm really not ashamed to have sent the pics.

OP posts:

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