Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

NoCapes thread 2 - No cape necessary

993 replies

NoCapes · 18/09/2016 13:17

Can't believe we've filled up a whole thread
But I'm still not ready to be without you all yet ...

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
Mix56 · 25/10/2016 09:11

you could reschedule the spa for a day you choose, when you get home, he will ask if you enjoyed it, say "Oh, we didn't go in the end".... :o)

Original poster
NoCapes · 28/10/2016 01:24

I don't know if any of you will be on, but I neeeed you Capettes! I can't believe aye has gone because I need her too

So today was my birthday, I planned to keep myself busy and ended up needing ExP to have the kids, which he was fine with

Anyway once I got in from the pub he kissed me, obvs, and I kissed him back, obvs, and ... Well then it all went a bit wrong
He was trying to have sex with me, I was saying no, I didn't want to, I wanted to stop now, please stop etc etc
And he ended up with both my wrists in one of his hands, above my head, and he had sex with me, all the while I was asking him not to

I know he's kind of done this before but this time it felt different, more forceful, more .. I don't know, more like 'shut the fuck up you belong to me I'll do what I like with you'
When he finished he said 'happy birthday' and winked at me

And now I don't know what to do

He's gone, I've had a shower and got into bed, I'm still a bit drunk and I'm just lay here
I just feel so lonely
I really wish there was someone here who loved me to just give me a cuddle right now

I don't really know what I want anyone to say, I know what you'll say

I just want to not feel alone

OP posts:
marriednotdead · 28/10/2016 01:33

Oh Capes my love, what an utter utter bastard AngrySad
Please will you call the police. And tell Mamacapes, I would want you to tell me if you were my daughter.
You know what he has done is so so wrong. It doesn't matter how the evening started out, you did not want what you got and made that quite clear.
I
((Hugs)) Flowers

Ohdearducks · 28/10/2016 01:36

Capes he has raped you! Please call the police. Please! I'm sorry to be so blunt but you must report him for this, what an utter cunt he is!

Original poster
NoCapes · 28/10/2016 01:41

Thank you both

I know, I know what he's done

But I'm alone with all the kids and I'm not as sober as I probably should be tbh
I'm not going to ring the police

But thankyou, it helps to just know there is someone there

OP posts:
Ohdearducks · 28/10/2016 01:46

When you've got a straight head on please consider it, he mustn't get away with treating you like that. You're not his to do as he likes with, you're worth a million of him, you're nocapes, you're superwoman as far as I'm concerned and he's just a bullying cunt.
Sending hugs capes, massive hugs I'm so sorry SadFlowers

marriednotdead · 28/10/2016 01:46

You can call them in the morning if it's too much right now. But please please don't brush it under the carpet or minimise what he's done. God forbid he may be sick enough to try again if he thinks you won't report him. He needs to be stopped Angry

Florene · 28/10/2016 01:49

Ring your mum. Ask her to come over.

Ring the police. Ask your mum to look after the kids (if they even wake up) while you talk to them.

Do not let him get away with this. Think how you would feel if it was your daughter in this situation in 20 years time. And how you as her mum would want to look after her.

And how you would want her to report it so it didn't happen again and she was safe.

Original poster
NoCapes · 28/10/2016 01:57

Thankyou, I will think about it in the morning

If this was DD I would absolutely break his face
But it's 2am, I've got a baby sleeping next to me and I'm drunk, so it's just not top of my agenda to disrupt everything right now
And I think I need to think about stuff soberly too

I just can't believe this has happened
There really is no denying it this time

OP posts:
Lynnm63 · 28/10/2016 02:05

I'm here. Ring your Mum and the police. From now on he does not enter your home...ever. He collect the DC from Mama Capes or he doesn't see them. You must never be alone with him. If he was minding the dc's then he was sober or he was drinking while looking after the DC either way he can't be trusted.
Please don't miminise this he raped you. It's unacceptable in a relationship but you are separated and no means fucking no.

I'm angry on your behalf.

Original poster
NoCapes · 28/10/2016 02:10

Thanks Lynn
He was sober
I know, I've got to rethink everything now, well in the morning
I feel so bloody stupid, I shouldn't have kissed him back in the first place! We were actually getting on reasonably well until this!

OP posts:
Lynnm63 · 28/10/2016 02:32

It doesn't matter if you'd ripped his clothes off and growled fuck me now. The second you said no, it means no,

FuzzyDiamond · 28/10/2016 02:34

You have nothing to feel stupid about, you should be able to kiss someone with out this happening. So sorry this has happened to you, he's disgusting.
I hope you can try and get some sleep and really hope you are ok xxx

Lynnm63 · 28/10/2016 02:35

The 'happy birthday' and the wink suggests to me he was putting you in your place. I don't think he was carried away I think it was if not planned exactly op it was his intention. He probably hoped it'd be consensual but wasn't bothered enough to stop. That's the bit I want to castrate him with a butter knife for most of all.

Lynnm63 · 28/10/2016 02:36

Op should be but, my iPad is on Mumsnet too often even autocorrect types op.

madgingermunchkin · 28/10/2016 05:45

Oh Jesus. You need to tell your mother. You cannot allow him anywhere near your house again.

He has escalated this because you aren't following the script and giving in by now.

You need to phone the police to let him know that you are serious and that it is over.

And don't you dare say "I'm not as sober as I should be". You are fully entitled to not be sober.
If he were a decent human being, you could be as drunk as you like and throwing yourself at him, but he would still say no. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. This is about him trying to control you.

What an absolute cunt of the highest order. He really is scum.

Mix56 · 28/10/2016 08:00

Oh shit, I looked yesterday to see if you were back on, & here you are.
He won't think of it as rape. he will think you consented before, his on home territory. "You want it really"
Of course you being drunk & still half in love with the bastard was part of his plan.
You can see now why we keep telling you over & over to not let him into your house. It is temptation, & leaving you open to more abuse.
This is abuse, this is rape, & I would report it in the morning. This is a POWER move, & the wink at the end makes me want to vomit.

ddrmum · 28/10/2016 08:09

Oh Capes you poor love. Report this. You said no. No mean no. He will carry on with this unless stopped, asserting his 'rights' because he thinks he can do this whenever you like. Please pick up the phone & speak to the police.

myfriendnigel · 28/10/2016 08:12

Capes-I'm serious-please tell your mum and tell the police.
And never be on your own with this man again.
It doesn't matter if your were not sober.it doesn't matter that he 'a that father of your children.it doesn't matter that you kissed him.
If it was your dd you would 'break his face'. Please start having the same care and reactions for yourself.
I'm so sad and angry for you.

rainbowstardrops · 28/10/2016 08:27

I know you know that he raped you. You also know that you need to tell your mum in the morning and ring the police.

If you don't, then he'll forever think he has some God given right to have sex with you whenever he wants it.

He didn't give a shit that you were saying no.

I don't think you should ever have any more direct contact with this scumbag again. Put a stop to the bollocks of him seeing the children in your home. If he wants to see them then he has to sort his accommodation out. Handover/drop off to but via a third party.

You have got to STOP this creature from manipulating you.

The wink at the end just shows how arrogant and obnoxious the prick is.
You need to show him you mean business. Once and for all.

queendrama · 28/10/2016 08:29

I agree with all the advice you have been given but ultimately it's your choice but please think about it seriously and look after yourself.
I just wanted to give you a hand hold and a hug Flowers

Original poster
NoCapes · 28/10/2016 08:34

Thank you to all of you, especially those that were posting in the early hours

I'll be honest with you, I'm probably not going to tell anyone, but I will be making it clear to him what he did last night and that he won't be allowed in my house again - when I want to speak to him that is, I absolutely don't want to yet

OP posts:
Mix56 · 28/10/2016 08:45

If it was another man would you report it ?

Original poster
NoCapes · 28/10/2016 08:55

If it was a stranger in the street, probably
But this isn't - he's my ex, he's my children's father, it's way more complicated than just reporting him

And it also comes down to my word against his, and I think recent events have shown which way the police are likely to side on that one
I have no marks or cuts or bruises, he was in my house, I was drunk, we've had sex a million times before and we were kissing - I've got no chance!

OP posts:
tiredvommachine · 28/10/2016 09:00

You need to make sure you're protected re contraception Capes.
Are you sure that there is no chance your neighbours would have heard what went on?
I'd report him, but your decision Flowers