NoCapes thread 2 - No cape necessary

[NoCapes]

Can't believe we've filled up a whole thread
But I'm still not ready to be without you all yet ...

Hope you had a great night. Can we stop whispering or does your head feel like someone is playing the bongos in there?

Those shoes are gorgeous! Shame I can't walk in heels

How was your evening?

Sshhhh all of you 🙈

Yay! Good night?

Yeah I had a really good night, literally did not stop laughing all night

Today though - everything hurts, everything 😩

aw capes so glad u ha a good time im sure the aching is worth it

i'll be quiet now

SO GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU EDNA!!! HAVING A NICE DAY?

Teeeheeeheeeheeee...

lot of tea & bacon butties. I swear by bacon and avocado as a hangover cure. I get in lucozade, paracetamol and avocado in advance when I have a night out in the offing :)

Pleased you had a good night!

Excellent news. Hope your face aches from smiling
Make sure you plan another one soon.

Orange juice is also a good pick me up

Glad you had a good night! Didn't we tell you that you had nothing to worry about

Give yourself a few days months to recover and you can start planning the next one

Good one Capes x

Yay, glad it went well !

I still feel hungover! You know you're getting old when it takes you days to get over a drink!!

Anyway I have a confession
You're all going to shout at me
But I'm telling you because I need to be shouted at
...
We had sex
I don't even know what to say about that tbh, I've been a mess this week, I've cried and cried and cried and I'm not gonna lie I just want this to be over now and I want him to come home

• give me your worst MN 🙈

At the end of the day it is your life.

Perhaps you should go back and re read your other threads and work out what part of his character you are missing. From the outside looking in it doesn't seem like you are losing much.

Hmm...
Me and my partner had been together 4 years when we had a 'break'... it lasted a month.. he went back to his mums and I had little one at home with me.
Truth be told we made so much more of an effort with each other it became funny. He always looked hot when he came to see little one. I always made sure I looked good (but also wanted him to see how much I was hurting).. we text a lot. We spoke a lot about feelings and what had gone wrong. Then found ourselves having secret romping sessions when little lady had gone to bed. He would leave before morning.
It was exciting at first then I begun to think wtf... he's got his cake and eating it.
To cut a very long story short, he ended up at mine after a night out in pieces, sobbing like a child. I had to stick him in the bath with a coffee.. we never left each other again and touch wood the last 2 years together out trumps all the nasty shit from the previous 4.
Nobody thought he could 'change' but we both did.... x

I know dobby I know
I probably couldn't even tell you exactly why I want him back, I just ... do
I still love him and I just want him to love me

queen that is very interesting and I'm so glad it worked out for you
I don't even think ExP would come back now anyway, he's happier than I've seen him in a long time, and he's already said he'd be worried that's everytime we argued that I'd pack him up and kick him out again, which is pretty valid I suppose

I just wish none of this had ever happened

Don't beat yourself up over it, but do remember the reasons you kicked him out in the first place, how far you've come. If you take him back things won't change, if anything he will know he can get away with it. You've done the worst bit now, keep on ploughing through, think of the clean house and calm kids.

Oohhhh, Edna.

Well, yes, very disappointed, of course. But we all said a wobble is to be expected.

Try to keep the "just shagged" away from "this is how I want the rest of my life to be".

You don't miss him. You really don't. Please trust us. Trust your gut.

Capes this is a blip. Just a blip.

Stay strong. This doesn't mean anything X

Ohhhh don't pull the disappointed card on me 🙈

shattered knowing the kids don't want him to come back is all that's stopping me asking him to come home
They're so much happier and they're happiness has to come before mine

Bah!

The problem is that at the moment you are seeing him without all that horrendous behaviour.

Every time you argued? Is a bit of an over statement I think.... you didn't chuck him out just because of a little tiff! Lol

When with you he lived his life as a single bloke, and now he has the added bonus that he doesn't have to answer to anyone. Please don't be his comfort shag, living a single life but you there ready and willing in the background giving him all the reassurances of a comfort zone.

Oh this was so likely to happen. It's what I was thinking about all those posts ago.
It is your life and it's not easy.
Shall we have an Analogy?

That's what happened when XP and I had our break at the beginning of the year... We hadn't had sex in almost a year but it was much easier when he wasn't living with me.

The thing is that you obviously have chemistry, and you can have a relationship with anyone you have chemistry with. The issue comes when you live with someone, you discover how compatible you are in the long term.

You also only see the "good" bits when you live apart. Me and XP got together again before he moved back in. It was great because when we saw each other we could give each other our full attention and leave everything else for when we were alone. The issue came when he moved back in and still expected 100% of my attention (minus that for DD of course) but the thing was that the washing and cooking and cleaning still needed doing, only before I was doing all of that when he left in the evening. I also didn't need his help as he wasn't living there/contributing to what needed doing! When he moved back he still expected every night to be date night.

Obviously we had a lot more issues than that, but for the benefit of your situation, I've simplified to show you that living together is very different to having chemistry.

I'm not going to judge you for sleeping with him don't have a leg to stand on on that front but if he's said that he won't move back in now, and you know logically (even if your emotions are fighting you) that it wouldn't work, then don't let him stop you from moving on.

Keep in mind that the odds are he's still going to strip clubs, pubs and clubs, etc on his down days. Of course, he won't tell you about it, but do you honestly think that since you two have broken up he hasn't slept with anyone else?

Of course there are still feelings there, and you don't need to be ashamed that you got caught up in them... I would just hate for you to end up in a situation where he has the upper hand and thinks he can do whatever he likes as you'd always have him back eventually.

Of course, it is your life, and your choices. But I have been in the position of letting them back in, and all I can say is unfortunately old habits do die hard.

P.S. Of course he said he wouldn't move back in. This way he gets to enjoy a relationship with you without getting called out on the crap he then goes and does once he leaves! But that's just me being cynical......

^^ what skyye says too. Good post.