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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

NoCapes thread 2 - No cape necessary

993 replies

NoCapes · 18/09/2016 13:17

Can't believe we've filled up a whole thread
But I'm still not ready to be without you all yet ...

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11
GiddyOnZackHunt · 25/09/2016 22:20

Evening capes
Agree with everyone else that you'd be better to stick to your own plans for Weds. The version of xp that you and the dc are seeing now is a fully featured display model for advertising purposes! You know like car adverts on the telly that show the top of the range model fully loaded and three times the cost of the sluggish basic version. Don't fall for the marketing. He's going to increase his attempts to reel you back in as he runs out of cushy options.

skyyequake · 25/09/2016 22:25

Love that analogy Giddy!

DropZoneOne · 25/09/2016 22:31

capes well done for getting through this weekend. You're doing brilliantly. There's going to be wobbles, especially when he's pulling out all the stops to worm his way back in, but you've seen his true colours already this week and he'll slip again very soon. Your DD is seeing the "best behaviour" version too, it's not who he is.

Keep taking one day at a time. Keep coming back here whenever you need a virtual hug or a pep talk. Hope all goes well on Wednesday Flowers

GabsAlot · 25/09/2016 22:36

will u have to stay in overnight capes?

just wondeing a hes prob hoping he has to stay with the kids so he doent have to leave then he'll just keep on staying

NoCapes · 25/09/2016 22:50

thank you lovely Smile

Giddy that is brilliant and so true! You always have a good analogy don't you!

DropZone it never takes him long for the mask to slip fortunately, that's high up on the list of reasons the house is happier now, he was such a moody bastard, honestly changed his mood more than I changed my underwear ok not really, unless we're counting bras Blush

I shouldn't have to stay in hopefully if all goes well Gabs it isn't a major thing I'm going in for
The hospital will be charging me rent if I spend any more time there 🙄

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NoCapes · 25/09/2016 22:52

Gosh sky you've really been through the mill haven't you Flowers
I agree just concentrating on yourself and your DD sounds like what you need for a while
You sound so positive about everything, I'm so pleased for you Grin

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GiddyOnZackHunt · 25/09/2016 22:54

Blush at my addiction to analogies Grin

NoCapes · 25/09/2016 22:57

Noooo I love a good analogy! Mine always feel a bit clumsy
Genuinely am a bit of a geek about stuff like that, I've taught DS1 what pathetic fallacy is and DD is all about the similes and points them out loudly in other people's conversations!! Blush I'm sure people think I'm that mum Grin

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skyyequake · 25/09/2016 23:04

Sometimes it's good to be positive... sometimes it's a bit awkward... like have you seen chandler from friends? because I can be exactly like that sometimes... which is very awkward when you're talking to people about your abusive ex and you start cracking jokes because they kind of look at you like you're having a mental breakdown Confused Grin

I hope your XP shows his true colours for your sake, but not so much that it affects the DC... it's a fine line isn't it!!

Good luck with your hospital thingy... I'll be at a toddler group in the morning but if you're still waiting after midday I'll be back then!

Happy you're feeling the lightness in the air after he's gone! It's refreshing isn't it? Hold onto that too, a much healthier thing to hold onto once the anger fades Flowers

GiddyOnZackHunt · 25/09/2016 23:05

Grin I shall keep up Giddy's Analogy Corner then!

Ds has learnt about alliteration from DH and that's his speciality. Won't sodding do anything he's supposed to do like reading but suddenly pipes up with "That's Aaaaaaaaliteration!" Hmm

GabsAlot · 25/09/2016 23:45

oh thats good then i should be about most of the day x

myfriendnigel · 26/09/2016 06:49

I'll be about on Wednesday.
Its harder when he is being nice I know. But you know fine well that he has an ulterior motive for behaving that way.his life is being disrupted and isn't the easy existence it was before.Its a shame he couldn't behave as she should have towards you when he was with you and when he had every chance to, instead of acting like the arse he is.
If he wants to be nice then great, you can co parent effectively.You can have a cordial relationship. But that needn't mean that you have to take him back.I think it highly likely that it wouldn't be long before he picks up where he left off unfortunately.
What dd said is quite telling really-even at that young age she can see the difference between him at home and the Disney dad she is getting now. In many ways it might even be better for their relationship that he isn't there all the time-if she gets the good version of him instead of the Shouty dad she used to get it will probably be far better in the long run for her.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 26/09/2016 08:15

You know the freds where the couple are going through their first childbirth and the husband wants the Lion King moment because he watches too many American films and is clueless about the reality and therefore wants his entire family at the hospital, crowding in on what will almost certainly be a tired, traumatised wife? And how some people don't get the difference between the wife (sometimes) wanting her mother there but only rarely wanting her MiL?

Until you factor in that she's going through a traumatic medical procedure, and if that isn't the quintessential moment to define "people are either radiators or drains", well, I don't know what is.

Your procedure seems to not be that extreme, of course, Edna (we saw the film again yesterday - loved your creations!), but you are not just absolutely within your rights to demur his alleged help, you are being sensible and rational. He is no ally. You cannot trust him. Therefore, his presence would be a hindrance, not a help.

Rather more words than needed, but when I first read about the appt, I thought about the Lion King analogy.

I like the car one, though, too! Grin

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 26/09/2016 08:25

Oh, I'll also be about on Wednesday. Will pm you my mobile number, in case the WiFi ain't all dat.

NoCapes · 26/09/2016 13:12

sky that's me! I make the most inappropriate jokes BlushGrin

Giddys Analogy Corner Grin

Oh thank you Salvage you are a star Star ExP not surprisingly wanted the Lion King moment after the birth of DS1, there were family members in my house I'd never even met while I sat in the corner on a rubber ring and they coo'd all over the baby and ignored me!!
I liked the radiator/drain thing though, never heard that before Smile

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NoCapes · 26/09/2016 13:14

We watched The Incredibles this weekend too twice
If I'm in another room and/or not looking the kids shout me for the NoCapes scene Grin

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skyyequake · 26/09/2016 13:25

Haha I saw an advert yesterday with Jeremy Clarkson on it (the amazon fire one) and my brain immediately went, in Edna's voice, "my god you've gotten fat!" Grin

ayeokthen · 26/09/2016 13:27

I'm going to have to watch the incredibles, I've never seen it!

helenatroy · 26/09/2016 13:35

You lot are lovely. Cup of tea and a slice of cake?

NoCapes thread 2 - No cape necessary
ayeokthen · 26/09/2016 13:40

Did you make that helena it looks lovely!

skyyequake · 26/09/2016 13:44

mmmmmm cake!! I'll have a coffee with mine please Grin

ayeokthen · 26/09/2016 13:46
helenatroy · 26/09/2016 14:05

No. I wish have builders in can't get next or near kitchen. Supposed to be working from home and sorting my babies nursery out instead am talking to you guys, watching Netflix and eating pasta. There is cake though (stolen) and will have some the instant the builders bugger off home.

skyyequake · 26/09/2016 14:10

I don't think any of us are fussy about where cake comes from Grin I might pop down to the shop later and it's going to be reeeally hard not to buy an entire cake to myself Grin

ayeokthen · 26/09/2016 14:16

I'm baking this week for the Macmillan bake sale at nursery. I stupidly made loads of cakes for the bake sale last year and now every time there's on the teachers put their orders in 😂 Mind you, this time I don't mind because it'll make a shitload of money for Macmillan and they're awesome! 72 cupcakes and a piñata cake here I come!

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