Turning Tavern - does it still exist?

[WhyASpoon]

Following a search I discovered a set of zombie threads about the Turning Tavern - I think it may be my Mumsnet home. Is there a current one?!

[SecretPrivateThings]

Ok then I'll stay! I quite like being in here with all of you too . Saltfish, yes, those statistics really do make you think. I am so conflicted at the moment and she is on my mind so much.

Psykhe I hope things are going ok!

Why, it's hard, isn't it to figure out a crush. Ugh. Good luck today!!

This might be completely inappropriate but you guys seem quite honest so...

i need to say something to DH. It absolutely will not contain anything relating to the fact that I spend a significant amount of time having explicit fantasies about another woman. But he has noticed I am different in bed . Don't know how to say I have suddenly discovered that I actually quite like sex and want to have a huge amount of it. Cringe . Oh god there's more I could write but had better stop now! Why can't I just talk about it?

Have any of you ever found the words to talk to a partner about things changing? Debating starting my own thread but have already had several

[SecretPrivateThings]

P.S. Why my crush wears very short tight running shorts at times. It is intolerable

[Psyhke]

Is he complaining Secret? I always find these things are better said with a glass of wine in me I am the queen of having to have awkward sex conversations. I'll regret saying this and probably way tmi I may get this deleted but I have quite sexually kinky leanings. Something that looking back was always there, sounds familiar eh. Not so bad now as I tend to tell partners within the first few dates but telling exdh after years together was a whole different matter. Didn't go down too well either.

It's probably the reason why I accepted being bisexual so easily once I'd realised. I'd already done the whole repression and shame of a part of my sexuality for so long.

[SecretPrivateThings]

I am planning . Any other tips?! You seem to have had the practise . Don't worry, this thread is a safe place and is keeping me sane (ish) at the moment. Thanks for starting it Why.

Psyhke he wasn't complaining at first no . But I have to say something as it is just such a change. Used to be pretty passive and reluctant. The main thing is I am TMI.. so so wet. Like, ridiculously so. He is struggling to come because there is no friction, I am soaking but don't think I can discuss this on a thread about relationships with women. It's from morning to night, I am turned on constantly. Everything is different, I am not tense either and usually was . He thinks he last few times have been a one off but I am like this all the time now.

Have no idea how to start the conversation. Feel like a teenager and am just thinking about it constantly. Went onto love home last night as will have to order some stuff to get some relief .

She has no idea she has had this effect on me. I think she is the catalyst.

[SecretPrivateThings]

Love honey not love home. Practice not practise (I think?! Not sure now). Can post about sex on MN but it seems getting grammar wrong is unforgivable

[SecretPrivateThings]

Oh God, I am stressing now that I have said too much and completely killed the thread! Or maybe you all just have lives and are busy on Sundays. Ignore my ramblings, honestly, will censor myself a bit more in future!

[Psyhke]

No worries secret, sex happens to be one of my favourite topics of conversation Was spending the day with the woman, I'm not sure what to call her now, we haven't really sorted things out. Couldn't talk properly with the kids about.

Honestly with me I'm very abrupt and have a habit of blurting things out so I'm not sure how you would broach the subject.I tend to be forthright about it but just let them take time to digest the information and don't push it. After all I've had years to come to terms with things so I can't expect everyone to immediately take it on board if they do at all. I do believe if you don't ask you don't get, partners aren't mind readers

I'm not sure what you can do about your emm 'situation', it's not like you can control your body's natural response. I would have been similar back in the day when I used to smoke cannabis. It seems to make me more relaxed and responsive and in fact is the only times I've ever had proper multiple orgasms. Maybe I should start again

[SecretPrivateThings]

I have multiple orgasms . Always have

[WhyASpoon]

Secret I'm so jealous! I struggle to get even one.... In regards to your dilemma though, how would he respond if you said that you had discovered a mine of fantasies that get you in the mood that you never knew you had - and mention girl on girl without going into specifics about actually fancying one in particular? Would he respond positively to your fantasy world or would he feel threatened? If you presented this as a new discovery that you hadn't explored before as a fantasy it might explain your sudden permarousal...(new word? Will this catch on?). Just a thought, perhaps.

[WhyASpoon]

(And tbh I think you'd have to be going some to kill this thread - I don't know about the others but I'm personally pretty unshockable)

[SecretPrivateThings]

Phew, that's a release. Yes, have always orgasmed really easily with DH but never on my own bizarrely. Anyway, to try to think of something other than detailed sex descriptions...

Psyhke that's exciting spending time with her, even if you've not labelled it?

Why that is a really good idea but I think he would be super threatened. Would rather not discuss it at all but the change in me is so obvious I will have to say something. Unless I can settle down. But I want to be able to talk to him as we have been together for 15 years and I love him. Also I want some mind bendingly good sex!

How did uni go?

In other news that will surprise nobody on this thread except me, as of today I am finding random women attractive too. What the hell? I am now completely confused and don't know what the fuck is going on. I don't recognise myself at the moment. Don't know if it even matters as have no intention of cheating and I guess everyone gets attracted to other people. It doesn't bother me if DH thinks other women are attractive. But at the same time why on earth am I getting all these feelings now???

[SecretPrivateThings]

Relief not release!!!!!! Talk about a Freudian slip . Must start proof reading then I wouldn't always need two posts :)

[WhyASpoon]

secret. Entertaining slip, for sure! Uni was good, thanks - nice to actually meet a few from my course.

Another thought: do you have an LGBT centre near by? Could you go and have a chat through this with someone who's probably well used to these confusions? You may hate that idea and I don't know if I'd blame you; just wondering if it was easier to have an actual flowing discussion with someone.

Or with DH and your changing sex drive...blame hormones. I don't know your age, but I'm sure there's a big hormone release/change around then, which is bound to have an effect.... I have found in the past that any talk of hormones can often be an explanation in itself and requires no elaboration. Might work...

[SecretPrivateThings]

I know, am completely obsessed. Actually hormones is a brilliant idea . Also at least slightly true. I'm 36. From my obsessive googling I remember there is meant to be some kind of increase in sex drive in late thirties isn't there? It will also require mimimal explanation. Not tonight though as he's been out all day and is knackered. Also I will need wine and we have none.

Not ready to do the whole LGBT centre thing but I will put it in the back of my mind for the future. Have absolutely no idea whether to go with the feelings (as fantasies only) or whether to put it to the back of my mind. Ugh. Glad uni went ok.

[namechangedjustforthis1]

Do you think your DH would be reasonable to feel super threatened if you were to tell him, Secret? Am ex-TT so not just a random looking for aggro. It seems like you're basically intent on lying to him and just curious what you think would happen if you told him the truth?

[SecretPrivateThings]

namechanged you are right, it is lying. I think he would freak out completely tbh and we would not recover. I have two small DCs and I have only had thought, not actions. I don't know, I need to think, I have no idea how I would find the words.

Also feel I have completely derailed this thread now. Sorry everyone.

[namechangedjustforthis1]

I do understand what it is like. Been there and so on. Ultimately if it is really 'nothing' and not going to derail your marriage you might want to recommit to him and try and put this other person out of your mind. Rather than indulging in fantasies that are going to destroy the connection you have with DH.
Or it could be a sign you are gay or bi and be something you need to really think about because it matters. It is hard, I do know.
You haven't derailed the thread. I'll back out now, I hope you find some peace in your own mind Secret. Some counselling with a sympathetic impartial person might help if you find yourself still suffering over this woman a few months from now. All the best.

[SecretPrivateThings]

Does it matter though? Really not trying to be flippant but if I am bi does that really change anything? It doesn't change the fact that marriage is a commitment to be with one person does it? I don't need to know everything that goes on in his head; I know he finds other women attractive and it doesn't bother me. I don't fucking know what it all means but I can't destroy my marriage over thoughts.

Really does help to hear another point of vie though, honestly. Actually my reaction to risking my marriage (I am angrily typing now!) makes me realise I very much want it to work.

[Fairlyfullmoon]

This thread makes interesting reading, I was on the old TT threads, posted a little but read a lot. I was married, confused, going through all the turmoil written here, it's a crazy time aint it! I know how thought consuming it becomes. Can't offer much advice but things will get easier whichever way it plays out and you really will work things out in your head given time.

[Psyhke]

I know a lot of lgbt centres do free counselling if you ever felt like talking it out Secret. I know of a couple of people have taken advantage of it. See I don't see it as lying, lots of people have fantasies that they wouldn't dream of telling their partner. Ok I don't because I spill everything but I have in the past. What's the point in hurting them over something that cannot be changed and you wouldn't act upon?

Glad uni went well why

Such a great weekend. We didn't do much, just chilled out with our pjs on most of the weekend but it made me realise how terribly I've missed her company. Talked it out with a friend last night then rang her. Was on the phone about two hours chatting about everything and anything. We are going to try and give it another go

I basically poured my heart out. I have a lot of issues. With one failed marriage and several failed relationships, I feel like there must be something inherently wrong with me. It's had an effect on my self worth and I don't think I deserve someone nice. Like all I've done is hurt people and she is the last person in the world I would want to hurt. How the distance between us physically (we live a bit away from each other) made me feel more lonely and needy, and if it's one thing I find unattractive as a character trait in someone is neediness. How I didn't want to make her do the 'pick me' dance with regards to my sexual quirks. I'm scared of allowing myself to be with this incredible woman who thinks the world of me and I can't see myself in her eyes. It's just so different with a woman, it's feels very raw and very open and that terrifies me quite frankly.

Going forward she says that if I'm more comfortable not labelling it for the time being and just enjoying each others company, she is happy with that.

Now I just need to send a text to that fella and break the planned date which I feel bad about. Cringe.

[SecretPrivateThings]

Thanks all, glad things going well for you Psyhke.

Am not in the right place for counselling at the moment but that's really good to know, thanks.

You sound lovely. Fairlyfull hope things worked out for you in the end?

Have decided to chill out a bit and try not to worry about things. Had a brief talk with DH, mentioned more sex and thought about bringing up fantasies but couldn't do it.

Thinking maybe I should focus on what I want for a bit while also focusing on DH. So... I chickened out before... what should I buy from Love Honey?! Any tips anyone.

[SecretPrivateThings]

Actually ignore me, there is a Love Honey thread on chat so will look on that and stop lowering the tone on this thread .

[Psyhke]

Have fun shopping Secret, one of my favourite types of shopping. oh no not me that has a weekend suitcase full of stuff Try bondara too and see which is cheapest for whatever you want.

[Fairlyfullmoon]

Things did work out, once I accept I was bi-curious I quickly identified as bisexual then gay. I'm now divorced and living with a woman It's been a hellish journey and I've had my emotions battered but if nothing else I know I'm completely 100% gay lol

[SecretPrivateThings]

FFS she has emailed me saying we should meet up this week soon for work (we work together, it's legitimate). I haven't replied - I don't work Mondays and usually ignore most work emails that day.

I don't want to meet up. I want to stay away. I am actually a little bit busy on the one day she is in that I'm there anyway. Advice on how to send a polite fuck off email while not thinking of her in just underwear and also while remaining professional (she's my senior alhough she's not one to pull rank like that anyway)? Will have to meet up but thinking I could put it off until next week where we will be working closely together as she is my supervisor for a project

Had planned to stay away from this thread for the rest of the day; I managed about two minutes .