Turning Tavern - does it still exist?

[WhyASpoon]

Following a search I discovered a set of zombie threads about the Turning Tavern - I think it may be my Mumsnet home. Is there a current one?!

Thanks rumred, I agree the scary phase doesn't last. The ones closest like immediate family were the terrifying ones for me and they were so undaunted by it all. Friends I knew would be cool as they are all liberal, down to earth types. Everyone else I don't give a shit what they think

Never heard of ginger bread although I now see it's London based and I live in the arsehole of nowhere. Only one lesbian meetup group here too. I did check out a dating website today for curiousity's sake and guess how many women are on it in my area? 32, that's it. Majority of them are like 10+years younger than me also. Emm, no.

Wardrobe crisis averted. Found a few items I'd bought last year that I've only worn once and forgotten about

Did you hear back from the lgbt group in uni why?

. Very tentatively posting in here (may not post again). I read the original TT threads a few months ago. Am mid to late 30s - maybe there is something about this age? - happily married to a man and have no intention of that changing. But I have had a huge crush on a female friend for months now. The weird thing is that she is the only woman I have ever been attracted to IRL and aside from a bit of a crush on one female celebrity it has never entered my head to fancy women. Still find lots of men (including DH thankfully) attractive.

Had been wallowing but making a real effort to get over the crush (she is also married and I don't think she feels the same way) now. The fact she's a woman has really messed with my head now and I'm not sure what to think any more. Also not sure why I'm thinking about it at all as I am happily married! Sorry for the ramble.

Thanks rumred, that's so encouraging. I don't know what's holding me back. I suppose I feel it's such a private thing, I've told a few of my closest friends and they are nothing but really supportive. Will have a look at meet up too!

Glad you got your outfit sorted Psykhe. Sending you hugs for Saturday

Secret oh it's so hard, total head fuck. You said your relationship is good, do you think you could channel your new found excitement torwards your husband? I think even someone who is mostly straight (and remains so) can be attracted to a woman. I had a massive crush on a woman I worked with and in desperation read online that the average crush lasts months then goes and it did. It will pass.

Have any of you watched the L word? Working my way through the box set currently. Bears no reality to life I'm sure, but it's a good distraction/borderline porn

hi secret - I'm sorry you are in mental chaos. It's so hard having an unreciprocated crush even before the marriage/gender issue. I have no advice, I think sweet has said amazingly helpful things (especially about the natural life of a crush...I look forward to that ending!).

psykhe not yet. I wonder if the email isn't live until term starts, so no one has read it yet. But....I did tell another (closer) friend yesterday and she suggested she comes with me to a gay bar (her brother is gay so she's used to going out with him and comfortable in that). I will bear rumred's warning in mind; she'll look after me and I wouldn't be going to find anyone anyway (not really fair on my friend!), more to dip my toe in a little more. If only we can find time to go, now....!

Good luck with meeting your ex. I really hope it's smoother and less traumatic than you expect.

Hi, thanks for the welcome :) . I will try to catch up with who everyone is, hope you are all ok.

Yes, complete head fuck and chaos. I've felt like this for months and months so really hoping it goes soon. I think because she's a woman and this is all new to me I didn't realise I was falling for her until I was in quite deep. With a man I would have seen the signs earlier and stopped earlier I think. I am trying to be ok about the whole thing as it's not as if I am going to do anything but it has made me question so much. Also has pretty much screwed the friendship as I have withdrawn almost completely except at work and then she started to withdraw too so we are really only work friends at this point. Saw her today and she looked terrible so (this will make me sound really shallow, I'm honestly not) tried to use that to put myself off a little bit. It didn't really work! I always know I properly like someone when I think they look good even when they look awful!

Sweet, I think you're right with me being 'mostly straight'; that's actually a good way of thinking about it. I have channelled it towards DH yes, I think he's a bit perplexed about what's hit him . Felt better today when I saw her than on previous occasions as I've spent the last week not seeing her and giving myself a pep talk. Ugh.

May need to investigate The L Word :)

I think life can throw you a curve ball sometimes Sweet and it's perfectly possible to fall in love or lust with a person regardless of gender, even if it's just the once. It may be difficult but probably for the best that you have withdrawn a bit, you would do the same if it was a man you started to have felings for. Sad that it has affected your friendship but maybe one day you can pick it up again?

Thanks, it's tomorow night Sweet and Spoon. I'm sure it will be fine, maybe slightly awkward at first but I've often heard from a gay male friend that because the 'gay scene' is so small here he's always running into exs. Part and parcel and was under good terms so shouldn't be any hassle.

Are you still going to the bi visibility thing tomorrow Why or decided not to bother?

I have watched all the L Word myself Never got the whole Shane thing, not my style at all.

I've been watching the L Word this evening. I'm totally hooked (and definitely not hetero ). Didn't help that WIQ was texting me through it though....

I'm not going to go to the bi vis thing, psykhe. Partly because I now have a few other options, and also partly because I suspect the thing I'm going to in the morning will run on and leave me very little time before the nursery run. and not because I'm chickening out. Oh no

Someone mentioned somewhere else that they described themselves as "80% gay". That's pretty much how I feel too!

Hi all, have had a proper read through the thread and see there are a few with crushes on female friends. You really do have my sympathy as it is miserable, hope it passes soon for you all.

On the positive side I think I've made some progress as I realise I really can't be friends with my "friend" anymore. Had to text her for a work thing last night, she sent a really friendly text back (really don't think she can have a clue how I feel about her) and was then back in that old cycle of staring at my phone waiting for her to text etc. Is not at all healthy and seeing her has made me feel worse and I am thinking about her far too much. Think I'm going to have to reduce contact to the bare minimum and hope she doesn't notice too much.

The L word is not on Netflix! Any recommendations for something that is?!

Hope you all have a good weekend.

Is it not on Netflix anymore, I hate the way they take things off. Do you have kodi or showbox Secret, you might be able to get it there? I'm really sorry the way things have turned out with your friend and the steps you have to take. It must be painful for you Trying to think of Netflix ones that have lesbian/bi characters? Um Orphan Black and Sense8 are the only ones that spring automatically to mind. Oh House of Cards too, bi male. I'll have a nose through my watched list tomorrow and see if I can hunt anymore. Have you watched the movie Carole yet (out on dvd afaik)?

Ah well there will be other things Why and like you say you have other options now.

I hope you all don't mind me posting btw, since I've kind of figured out my feelings and 'out'? Although it's still all very new to me too and I've only been out a few months. You can tell me to bog off and I won't take offence

Just getting ready to head out for the night as I've to sort the dc out too and catch an early train. So nervous

Oh goodness psykhe, of course you are welcome to post here! Your words have been so encouraging and helpful.

Thinking of you this evening

Some interesting statistics...

Goodness, saltfish. That seems to me quite sad and I wonder if it's a reflection of the fact that we are still not where we should be in terms of societal acceptance so a heterosexual relationship is still seen as the safer option.

psykhe how did last night go?

Yeah it's quite shocking really. I wonder if it's just easier to be with a member of the opposite sex because the gay community is so much smaller. More selection maybe?

Can't say particularly surprised at those figures although I would expect a slightly higher number for same sex. I would also think because it's easier to meet the opposite sex too on top of a smaller selection in the gay community.

Really good thanks why. Hanging today, long island iced teas to blame Will post more later, have company here atm

Sounds good!

Sorry I haven't had a chance to post this week, I get mega crazy with work and playing sports after work and Saturday is my only chance ever to relax!

It's interesting to read what you guy's write, I imagine it's kind of like the turmoil in my girlfriends head half the time but she won't tell me, she always says she doesn't want me to worry about her - but I do want to be there for every bad time too and to make things easy. I was once the girl who was engaged to a boy and broke it all off when I realised I was gay...hardest thing I have done in my life! But best, I've been who I am ever since and I'm happy.

Also...L Word?! Haha that programme is the worst, there is literally no gay girls like those people around in the UK. Well probably a Shane but everyone knows a screwed up mess don't they? I remember when I was about 16 and being completely obsessed with Virginia from At Home With The Braithwaites, now if that's not someone battling their sexuality I don't know what is!

From my view I can't help who I fall for, and neither can anyone. The best I can do is to be supportive and be there on the phone at 3am when she's drunk and can't handle how she feels. I didn't ever intend to fall for her, we were always friends who text about the football results and who our latest dates were online (and hers was always men!), but when we met. That was literally it. She is beautiful even if she doesn't quite realise it, and the first time I laid eyes on her I knew we'd fall in love.

Ps. Crushes are completely healthy!! Male and female it doesn't mean you're gay, you could just be envying them and wishing you had their life. May be different if you're thinking about sleeping with them though!

Psyhke glad it went well . Blue, maybe missing out on the L word is not the end of the world then! Re. crushes, I started off envying her life but am now very definitely thinking about sleeping with her (in my head only). Also thinking about sleeping with my DH and sex in general a lot (a complete first for me) so maybe I am just having some weird hormonal surge rather than anything more than that .

Secret I'm pretty sure you sound like you've got some lovely crush that's massively improving your sex life at present! Just go with it. Saying that I have zero experience of marriage or children, but I do however think that couples who've been together a long time do have a dip in that sort of thing. Maybe she's just one hell of an aphrodisiac for you! It's a good thing though!

It doesn't feel lovely when I can't look at her or be in the same room without imagining in great detail what I would like to do with her and our friendship is a shadow of what it was.

That said, that's actually really helpful, Blue, I might try reframing it as a positive. I think you have it, she is just such a huge turn on for me and I feel as if I have woken up a bit in that respect. Have never been that bothered by sex and am now obsessed with it! Still want herdesperately though and that will never happen

Have you been attracted to women before Secret? Or see another woman and think the same sort of things as you feel towards this woman?

If you believe that it's your husband you want and that it's improving your sex life. Think of the biggest fantasy you've ever had in your head...did the reality ever match that? Maybe it's a good thing to have it as a fantasy, the reality would never beat what goes on in your head between you and her. And by the sound of it she hasn't sussed it yet. Definitely a good thing, I'm 100% gay, I couldn't ever imagine having sex with a man again yet sometimes in my head I get these fantasies, I can look at a man and think them...but I know they'd never be that good in real life!

No, that's why it's such a head fuck. Really never, ever. Unless you count Gillian Anderson as a celeb crush. I watched something where she kisses another woman and suddenly realised I was turned on, then watched the scene a few more times . But other than that, never. With her it is different, I am so, so attracted to her.

PS, sorry guys, not even sure I should be posting in here as I reckon I'm mostly straight, let alone derailing anyone else's stories.

You've every right to post like everyone else Secret, mostly straight still isn't straight in my book

I can't remember at Home with the Braithwaites Blue, name is familiar though. I hope your girlfriend finds peace with her sexuality soon.

Last night was great. Happened to run into ex outside before we went in. Things were a little awkward for a while, felt very strange to be making small talk with her. The group itself were really nice although felt a bit old given the majority of them were early 20s. Two of us had a fair bit to drink, nerves had gotten the better of us and well the inevitable happened. Sooo, she's still here staying tonight (I'm up putting the dc to bed). Don't know what's going to happen and kind of don't want to talk about it just yet and bring the mood down.

It's been really great to spend time with her chilling out today. I've missed the intimacy we had and just chatting with her. She quickly became one of my closest friends as well as a lover and the wrench was awful when we broke up. I kept picking up my phone to text her about silly things that had happened.

Anyway, may head downstairs and get subjected to match of the day, that was one of the things I didn't miss

Secret you are totally welcome to post, you are not derailing anyone's stories because yours is just as valid! That's sort of the whole point of the thread, I guess, to talk through confusions and get the perspective of those in whole different situations and stages. We like having you here, don't go!

Psykhe that sounds like you had/are having a lovely time (maybe apart from MOTD!). I hope it works out the way you want it to even if you are not sure what that is yet....

Blue I have wondered why I have this crush; whether it's a reaction to my divorce, or a strong desire to just be with someone and she is such an amazing person that she's become the focus of that, or whether it's just hormones. I haven't come to any definitive answer and probably won't for sure until/unless (hopefully the former!) I have a relationship with a woman. Fact is, this is not the first female crush and hell yes I'd jump her bones given half the chance (turns out I'm a leg girl ). Like Secret said, I do find it hard to be around her without imagining what I'd like to do but I'm working on that because I really don't want to lose her friendship. I feel much more relaxed about it this weekend and really looking forward to having my uni course to distract me. I do still question myself though and what I really want and I suspect it'll be a case of falling for who I fall for, like you said. And hoping that for a change they are single...

I enrol today...wish me luck!