Fiancé didn't come home last night

[Jemima1985]

My finance went it last night, I dropped him at the pub and 2am he text me saying he was at his mates house and he'll be home soon! He is still not home (it's nearly 10pm) now next night and I'm worried sick. His mum said she saw him with 3 lads at 11.30am and he ran past her house so she thinks he is probably asleep at a mates house sleeping off a hangover. I can't help but worry myself sick and think the worst

can anyone find a link to that other thread a while back, the one mentioned earlier about the woman this also happened to, whose bag of shit went AWOL for three days in very similar circs and ended up in hospital with some minor thing and used that as an excuse for the whole thing?

He kept being spotted by various people in a neighbouring town and gave his GF the runaround for days. I can't find it.

The sad thing is that there is a re-hash of this story in one form or another every month or so on MN. So many of these useless specimens taking taking gullible, desperate women for idiots for years on end. It's just tragic.

'Locked in a house?' Like what, in a dungeon or something? Has he reported it to the police when they saw him this morning??!!
Come on now...
He can't even be arsed to make up a decent, plausible excuse op. Do you not see that you are being made a total fool of?
He is right now, laughing with his friends saying something like 'well lads I'd better go and face the music, haha, I'll get her some flowers on the way back haha'.
Grow up and wise up quickly op.really.
There is another thread on here at the moment about a woman who's dp didn't come home. Why not read that and compare notes? Because she is acting sensibly and getting rid, despite this being hard because she has feelings for the man, and you, I fear are about to make the mistake of doing the polar opposite.

Okay, don't worry, think I found it: OP look at this. Sound familiar?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2662834-dh-has-gone-missing

No capes thread entitled 'he didn't come home'. Read that. Compare and contrast.
I know I sound harsh, but for your own good, please open your eyes.

It's absolutely your decision if you stay or not. Just make sure you're making the right decision - that is, deciding between him doing this every so often and you putting up with it, or you walking away.

Don't invent a miracle third option that he grows up and doesn't disappear. It doesn't exist. That's not a choice, it isn't an option, he won't be able to do it.

I've been there OP. I'm sorry to add a pessimistic voice to all the others but you must know that we're right. I spent nearly a decade in a relationship like the one you describe. I lost my 20s to it because I was so sure that he would change 'for me' because he loved me so much. He did love me but his own baggage was too heavy. I realised that he wouldn't / couldn't change early on but I stuck in there because I loved him too. When I finally left, I allowed myself to mourn fr the relationship but I never looked back. I'd wasted enough time.

Please see the light now. Don't wait another year, five years, a decade. Just set yourself free, mourn the relationship and move on. Don't lose any more time in a situation that makes you miserable.

You hope he doesn't make excuses? Erm do you think there is a perfectly innocent explanation for going on a 2 day bender / ignoring your calls / leaving you desperate with worry and missing work? What do you think might have happened?

I hope he takes responsibility for what he has done and doesn't make excuses

^^this. Looks very much like a man child who hasn't got he balls to finish a relationship that he clearly doesn't want. Open your eyes OP, smell the coffee, get rid & move on. He's showing you the 'real man'. It's your choice but please don't inflict it on any children. Best of luck.

Don't marry him. seriously. I married him (not him but one of his kind) and I can 100% promise you that it doesn't get better as they get older, you just get less patient and more angry and eventually you see sense and chuck them out, which you sould have done 5 years before.

Trust me. I've been there and was an idiot like you. I divorced him five years ago and am now married to somebody who is actually a decent human being and treats me like one too. They exist. Don't settle for this loser.

Why are people discussing the OP as if she isn't here? Just sounds like you're taking the piss..

Yes myfriend and that poor woman is several years down the line from where the OP is now, with three young children, a recent late miscarriage with fuck all support from her partner and the realisation that she's given ten years of herself to that dickwad and he treats her as invisible (except when he's impregating her) treats her home as a hotel where he comes back in the morning to sleep off his all-night adventures God knows where, with God knows who, turns up with make up on his shirt and makes her feel like a paranoid old nag for wanting an explanation, while she tends to his children and puts a hot meal in front of him and does his laundry. Then he fucks off out again and has the cheek to complain that she's moody.

FOUR OR FIVE NIGHTS A WEEK. Seriously, you couldn't make the stuff up what some women will tolerate in order to cling to a relationship. Because what a few years with these fuckers does to a woman who doesn't get out while she can. It makes them feel like worthless, useless, paranoid, anxious millstones that no decent man would look at twice.

PLEASE don't be that woman Jemima. Prove all those men wrong. Get some dignity.

Faez because she isn't here to talk to so many people are still addressing her, but she isn't replying, and other people are talking to each other.

It's allowed.

Faez pretty much every post is addressed to the OP in some way ("you" or "OP" or "Jemima") - why do you think people are discussing the OP as if she wasn't here? . I don't think anyone is taking the piss at all.

it sad that youre not changing your story

up thread u said hes tried to stop with drink/drugs and it never happens

then u said he hardly drinks or uses

which is it op

i feel likeothers youre just giving exuses now so u can take him back

you are*

Even his own mum said he was off on a bender taking drugs.

How come she can tell and not you? Oh yes, because she's 20 years further down "the path" than you are. But she's his mother; she's kind of stuck with him (although even she had the sense to kick him out). You have the opportunity to get rid of him. Why are you not going to take it?

Seriously, think about that. WHY ARE YOU NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY?

I can answer that one, Clam. It's because she loves him...

Has he contacted you yet OP?

OP - I am not going to say LTB - as you will eventually. When he has done this numerous times over the years as that is what will happen if you stay with him.

I promise you when I say, if you continue this relationship you will regret it. He doesn't have enough respect for you to even let you know where he is? You would be crazy to let him do this again.

It is always easier said than done to tell someone to walk away when they love someone. But OP, sometimes in life, it is much harder to walk away than to stay, some of us have been there. I found the strength to walk away from someone I loved. But he treated me badly and I knew I deserved better. You just have to find the strength. Good luck

So you feel that your path is still to get married to this man? This man who would rather sleep on an actual garden path than come home to you?

It sounds as though he's engaging in some kind of bet to test out how much he can humiliate you and still have you begging to have him come back. Don't lower yourself to this. The last five years can be chalked up as a learning experience- it will only be a waste of 5 years if you don't learn the lesson now about how the rest of your life would pan out.

Jemima, it's so easy to take his excuses when he does come home, he will be remorseful, never do this to you again...and you'll believe him. Not because you DO believe him, but you want to. You want to believe that you can have the perfect life together, you want to be happy, excitedly looking forward to your wedding, your future, your hopes and dreams together as a couple. The thought of tearing all that apart and starting again is terrifying and it's easier to stick to the fairytale and accept his apology.

Till next time. And the next time. And then the time after that.

No one here is telling you to LTB for any reason other than we've most likely already been there. It doesn't get better. He won't stop. You have to accept it, and the sooner, the better, because one day it will come crashing.

I remember standing at the window of our flat, watching the train station across the road for the last train coming in on a Friday night. If he got off it, I knew he'd probably be wrecked, cause a bit of a scene, but at least he was home. If he didn't, it could be Monday morning before I seen or heard from him again. You don't even want to know how many weekends I stood at that window watching that train. How many weekends of broken sleep, worry, my phone surgically attached to my hand in case he deemed me important enough to contact. I was also with him 5 years in total, although I was 19 when I met him. It took me 2 years to leave him. 2 fucking awful, horrible years that are worthy of a whole thread of their own.

Reading your thread has brought those horrible, sick, worried feelings right back. I wouldn't ever, ever, wish to be back there again.

Please don't waste any more time. Finish it now. It will be hard but in a month, 6 months, a year, you'll look back and be thankful you did it. That first step is the hardest, but every one after that is nothing compared to the first.

Oh his Nan's, locked in a house, riiiiiight.

Nightmare OP, I hope you find the strength from somewhere inside you to get rid.

Absolute bastard.

I'm fearing how little this man has to do for the OP to forgive and how much more he'd need to do for her to decide she deserves more.

Oh lovely, he's already checked out of this relationship, he's just waiting for you to realise that you're not the most important thing in the work to him.

Exactly Leavemywings...I'd bet my house that's where this op will end up if she doesn't get her head round the fact that she is landing herself in the same situation..